Excerpt From Abuse History


Alright, I’ll try to summarize this in a detailed enough way that’s understandable to the majority of readers... At 20 approximately, I was displaced in the northwest after my mom abandoned me in Miami Florida 3,008 miles away from home by MYSELF and I navigated my way back through an agency that provided a one time Amtrak ticket back to Washington. A relative had to verify your identity and that said place to even be considered. After my return, my entire family was gone except my two sisters. The oldest, 29 physically beat and tortured the living shit out of me when I was 8-10 years young.

Too many broken hangers, wooden back scratchers and extension cords to count is all I’ll say. We haven’t had a conversation in our entire lives from those moments to this day. She had a egg sized tumor removed from her brain this year and she has my first nephew but still, not one care has been considered in my mind. God works in mysterious ways. Anywho, my second older sister is 24 currently, when I was displaced she was 21 and when I returned here she was in a relationship with a football player for ASU. He told her she couldn’t have any contact with her family that their relationship was strictly them and everything within house and home too!

So, I was outside, unmedicated (I was diagnosed with Epilepsy, Bipolar1 and PTSD at 19) and I had a stroke at 17, so instictly I stayed on the bus back and forth on the longest route for as long as I could stay awake for. On the street when the bus was no longer available to me, this one specific route, the 124 to downtown but through the starting to mid-downtown, this woman drove the bus but this one particular mid-forties early fifties medium shade of brown man with a distinctive triangle downward pointed nose kept staring at me through dark sunglasses. When the last bus stopped the lady told me it was ok to trust the man he was an associate of hers she personally knew and he told me it was safe after before this conversation he complimented my hair and asked my what ethnicities I was. When I answered he took that as an invitation to sit next to me. After inquiring about my background is when the last stop rang off(see the foreshadowing).

He told me he had a house to go to and a car and all the needs a homeless youth would need at the point in my life. Listening to the bus driver my dumb ass(in retrospect now) followed eager to escape the weather and potential dangers of the street. We headed downtown into this alley with a gate you could fit two people inside of with a little broken lock at the front. It was well past one A.M and I was so tired and that alley gate looked too good to my tired ass. He said he had somebody coming to pick us up, they never arrived, and he started asking what type of women I liked. I didn’t really respond with a detailed, specific answer so he started throwing out options.

He said one of his “street kids”(who was supposed to be the one picking us up) was named jasmine, she was white with hazel eyes and an unbelievable hourglass shaped figure, she was my age and worked as a manger for a mall. After seeing my obvious interest he started asking me was I virgin or not and what activities and the furthest extent I’ve gone with females sexually. I was actually a virgin at this time so I tried to use my pornography expertise combined with imagination to deter elaborating into anything further down this topic. He proceeds to tell me to close my eyes and imagine a tight, wet, vagina that’s similar to a mouth and lean against the wall.

Asking him why was the wrong question because he had this real authoritative look that looked like not obeying was going to lead to a physical altercation. Also this gated, secluded are in the alley was definitely not under surveillance so I was scared of course so I did. He started touching me and massaging me in rough and circular motions. Once aroused, he pulled his own member out with his left and went to town and me too with his right. Still speaking nasty shit about the similarity between a vagina and his rough ass hand, he started telling me not to climax to wait until he was reaching his too.

After we both finished, he leads me to this part of downtown I never recognized because I am not from the city anyway! We went to this park in GeorgeTown with a large Indian statue and he tells me to wait that these two guys were coming, one with a car(his car) and the other with drugs for him. When one came with the drugs he asked who I was, the abuser said I was his son, his street son and we were on our way to the safe spot. After obtaining his dope, we proceeded into a neighborhood down a trail and ended up at Beaconhill library, where there was a Hyundai SUV with the driver door unlocked. He ushered me into the car saying it was our place to sleep for the night. The car didn’t start because of an issue not disclosed so it had to be jump started.

During the night he had his entire arm down my pants roughly fondling my genitals. Muttering random shit in his “sleep”, I was so uncomfortable, I obviously did NOT sleep! I tried the door but it didn’t open so I knew then all the safety locks were on in the car except the driver one maybe. There was a basket on the lower floor behind the passenger seat with a huge carpenter cutter, two things of blue duct tape, some underwear and rope. My mind started to piece some things together very fastly and I started to hyperventilate/panic!

When he woke up to my heartbeat, asking did I sleep alright, and my response of yeah, we got out and went to a Red Apple grocery store where his “mom” was the manager and he had full access to the store. I got my favorite bear claw, a green sour apple slushee because that’s all I cares for that morning. He took tilamook cheddar slices, barbecued pork pieces and we went inside the library where I was allowed/told to eat one piece of cheese for that entire day; the bear claw and slushee were a one time treat! When the library closed and he got his drug delivery to the front we went back into the Hyundai, he did the same exact behavior stating he was waiting for his injury-based check so we could get me a makeover so when I married his street daughter my last name would be changed to freeman. He explained his family owned a law firm downtown that the process would be down overnight to just say what he said and I’d be safe.

He began openly smoking meth in front of me asking did I so drugs, I said I smoke weed occassionally and that’s it. He told me we could get weed but I had to smoke some of that before... well unfortunately I did and I was too out of my mind and emotionally out of balance. He took me inside of a local college on Capitol Hill and orally pleased himself on me, I never was able to climax which surprised him and mad him eager to get me “home” to do more things to me. I was a emotional wreck when that high came down, crying wasn’t the word.

He ushered me back to the beacon hill library where he finished me off with his hand, touching our members with each other. He got a hold of cocaine and more meth and “complimented” how small I was and cute my rear was, groping and spreading too hard for my comfort. We caught the bus towards Maple Valley after he took us to Kent station to transfer buses onto the 168 line from the 150. We were now finally going to meet this jasmine he told me about from the alley. We arrived at an apartment complex with no one home at this apartment and he got something out of her Chevy Malibu 2016, the window was shattered held together by tape so entry’s was easy.

We left to Burien/City hall library where he made me smoke more meth and do a few lines of cocaine, I was high out of my gourd. He started shoving his tongue down my throat while his sandpaper hands ran up inside the crevices of my rear. Expressing how he couldn’t wait to get me to the safe sport when he got laid in 48 hours. After stealing Chinese food from the Burien transit center Safeway we got back on the bus to downtown Seattle. He had his hands down my pants roughly fondling me on a bus FULL OF PEOPLE with a hoodie over our lap and me laying against the window and him over me like we were sleeping.

Returning to the Hyundai he said he had a few people from Georgetown who were eager to meet me, take me to the safe spot, had presents for me, I was getting a makeover the next day and jasmine was meeting me today to make me comfortable. I was ready to escape this demon either way so I didn’t care at this point, I radically accepted(as dbt has taught me now) that this was my fate and hopefully god has a spot in heaven for me when they’re done with me. Meeting a black jasmayne as he said was another of his street kids who worked in the Georgetown bars, I was to be told when to talk and that I was German and black even though I’m Scandinavian, Italian and Cajun/African-American. She said I just needed my hair altered and contacts and I was good to go, and the abuser led me to the red Apple to get food before our departure back to the Hyundai for a meetup and exit of the library parking lot via that same vehicle. In the store he went on one isle and I said I wanted a bear claw and I went and ran THEE FUCK out the store and got on the train the oppose direction down to the highway in Tukwila to Pacific Highway.

After being displaced, unmedicated for three years after that, eight more incidents in between and before in total excluding that one, today, I am in DBT have scars from my wrist to my shoulder that are keloid, am on stable medications and am enrolled in talk therapy. This is my first time detailing this out and emotionally I am incapable of coping with this appropriately. Relapsing in self harm yesterday helped relieve sharing an outline of this today with my therapist and now I feel better telling you guys! Thanks and sorry if it’s triggering!


Thank you so much for being so open and sharing.
Im also really glad you are here and healing.
we are all here to help.


Thank you, I’m not sure how to do anything besides post and comment! I initially thought it was going to be short until I looked and it was 13 paragraphs! Kudos to whomever reads the entire piece.
@CharlieGoCrazy , I'm sorry that so many people have been so unkind to you. You were really resourceful to get out of the Red Apple and escape; and you've got what it takes to get through this now, too. Congratulations on writing all this down. Try to rest now and take care of yourself. We are here healing together. I know a little bit about self harm and how hard it can be to resist, but I believe you'll escape that, too. It IS possible. Thanks for sharing your story.


@CharlieGoCrazy , I'm sorry that so many people have been so unkind to you. You were really resourceful to get out of the Red Apple and escape; and you've got what it takes to get through this now, too. Congratulations on writing all this down. Try to rest now and take care of yourself. We are here healing together. I know a little bit about self harm and how hard it can be to resist, but I believe you'll escape that, too. It IS possible. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you! My psych doc will be here early this morning and I haven’t even went to sleep yet, *internal screams* I’ll show them this one day, but until then, it’s strictly for here so I can get a better range of help.