Every Day Mindfulness

The hardest part of being mindful is when I am retraumatized when someone says or does something hurtful it is so hard to stay present so hard to breathe. But just realizing this is mindful in some way. Right now I feel lost at sea. I am tiered from the pain I feel this way in this moment.
Bluesky
 

happybuddha1

Registrant
I learned something today about being mindful/present.......when I am acting out, I am not mindful......if I was, I would see that I am just doing what was imprinted in me at a young age, would be sickened by it, and not do it.....anyone know if my thinking might be correct on that? (I think that I temporarily lose my mind when doing it, and then feel the guilt and self hate after, when I am present again.)
 

kcinohio

Registrant
happybuddha1 said:
I learned something today about being mindful/present.......when I am acting out, I am not mindful......if I was, I would see that I am just doing what was imprinted in me at a young age, would be sickened by it, and not do it.....anyone know if my thinking might be correct on that? (I think that I temporarily lose my mind when doing it, and then feel the guilt and self hate after, when I am present again.)
Wasn't that easy for me, I found at first I had to be mindful into the process of acting out a few times to get a handle on how to choose other behaviors when I was rolling down that trajectory.

But, mindfulness was not my primary practice, so maybe that direct distinction will work for someone when it is. For me, it was a tool, but I needed others as well (such as an exit plan when I found myself at a certain point, in an acting out setting, for example).
 

Bardo

Registrant
My only form of acting out has been porn. I find that when I am there, I am not here, and that is the whole point I guess. To be somewhere else. Where that someplace else is will vary from person to person I suppose. For me it is to a place of innocent exploration and sexual intimacy. To be present can sometimes be unbearable. I hope to change that in time. Like they say, there is no time like the present!
 
Bardo
The fear of pain body or mind can paralyze us and we will try to escape that by any means. Like when we act out with porn or otherwise. But we can realize that fear is more painful than what we may find inside in the stillness of a moment of self compassion and self love. It is a journey, that's all I keep in mind,I try to keep that as my goal instead of what I think is failure.
Bluesky
 
The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster with ups and downs. But it has been I think the first time that I have been able to be as mindful and as present as I cou be. Coming back to my breath when all seemes so lost. Breathing in I know I am breathing in. Breathing out I know I am breathing out. So simple yet so profound. The breaths are like building blocks of awareness in a emotional storm of confusion and hurt. The worst part of my day is the morning I wake in confusion and fear. Anger is the next risiing wave. Many times I awake from a nightmare or just feel completely empty. But now if I reach out with my breath I find solid ground, firmament to start the process of beginning a new day. I am greatful for this it has brought me comfort in the dark.
Bluesky
 

Bardo

Registrant
Bluesky,
I could not agree more. Lately I have been waking up with fear in the night, sometimes after a dream I can't remember. Returning to my breath and the present moment, and remembering that each breath is a step on my journey, helps me regain my composure. I meditate first thing in the morning, and that helps me set the tone for the day. Sometimes it works well sometimes it doesn't, but mostly it does. I am in a part of my journey where there is still more to be revealed. Maybe not more abuse, but possibly more about the impacts of the abuse on my life. It is not certain what is being revealed, but something clearly is. One breath at a time.

Freeman
 
Thanks Freeman for sharing that as you know I seem to be at the same junction and I am committed to one breathe at a time as you know but the pause in between is the killer. LOL Just made a mindful joke.
Bluesky.
 
Mindful how so many people in my life recently have said that I am important to them that I am loving and compassionate.
Bluesky
 
I can't seem to meditate my mind is jumping from my breath to the images of the past can't stay present for more than second or two. I think I will except this I will not fight in a battle that I already have won. My mind is just under the illusion that the war is still raging. Storms pass so will this.
Bluesky
 

C. E.

Administrator
Staff member
Mindful that when I look in the eyes of another, those black pools go far deeper than I have the capacity to imagine. I judge them at my risk, dismiss them at my peril. And in doing either, only prove the shallows of my own.
 
WOW Erik

There is so much depth and meaning in your words. Truth, humility, strength, bravery and the willingness to be so vulnerable for the sake of your self.
Thank You for sharing this part of you.
Bluesky
 
For me the safest place to be is in this moment. Not in nightmares past nor in futures dreams. When I am in the here and now I can choose from a place of reality no mater what this reality is a clear path with out ghosts pulling me in evere direction. My manta that I am working on is "Breathing in I am present, breathing out I am present" with out presents of being then I dont exist. Breathing is presents within its self. I have run from my past, my self, my future for so long that I am choosing to take a stand and just be what comes will come but at least I will be a determinant not a victim.
Thanks
Bluesky
 
I lay here in bed. Breathing in I feel my pain. Breathing out I am compassionate to my pain. The pain is in my back and I am feeling scared, afraid, alone. But I do have compassion and loved ones as my companions to nurses me back to health. I mindfully except the pain as my body letting me know that I have to care for me.
 

OCN

Registrant
Hey Bluesky, imo it's very good to acknowledge and accept the pain! It can be overwhelming, but i've also experienced a profound release of tension multiple times when i accepted the pain.. may your mindfulness increase everyday, so that you will be better equipped each step you take!
 

Bardo

Registrant
Mindful of my ever-growing connection with my spiritual family, those within me that are guiding me through these difficult times. Bluesky I hope you are dong better this month. For me, the times when I connect the deepest are the times I let the chaos in and then let it out without a thought. It just is, moving through me like water in a river. I am the deep and quiet pool, the eddy in the stream.
 
Thanks Bardo
I am feeling much better my back is better. It is the first time that I truly gave my self up to being mindful when my body is in pain. The mindfulness gave me a gift of presents that helped me realize that my anger was traped and when I execped and held my pain my anger in a compassionate loving way it just dissipated and said thank you that's all I needed. Thanks for sharing and your concern.
 
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