Ever get those days?

Ever get those days?
K

Kirk Wayne

Registrant
Ever get those days when you feel you have just had enough? Im in that place at the moment I cant see anything beyond my own nose at present. I should take my own advice and say to myself "this too shall pass" but it gets a bit repetitive after a while. I have everything to live for, I have a wonderful family, four grandchildren that I adore and have been relatively content over the last few years, so why the hell do I feel like the world is closing in on me?

I want to throw up my hands and say "thats it, Ive had enough". The stupid thing is I know "this will pass" but I keep asking myself "when"?.

I cant seem to cry again which makes me so ****ing angry and then that anger goes within myself and makes me feel like hitting the self distruct button once again.

Sorry for the rant I'm having an off day.

Kirk

20six.co.uk/dandare2 (Could prove triggering)
 
ok - ideas - are -

go out for a walk!

go to the gym!


you are in england - so go get a croissant -
or a pan chocolate and a hot cocoa!

visual something someone that would make you feel ok -

hang in there Kirk -

you got that mesmerizing green to walk through -

and maybe you could sing in a field-
pay tribute to julie andrews-

peace kirk


Mark
 
Kirk - If you can, go visit your grandchildren. As soon as they're in your sights the moment will pass. If you can't visit, give them a call. I'm sure they'd love to see you or hear your voice as much as you'd love to see them.

I hope your day improves. Peace - John
 
Kirk - yes I do get those days. Sometimes everything around me will seem OK, but I can still feel down. It's difficult to describe how that feels.

What I do know is that some part of me will never give in to that final extreme - that would be letting the bastards win. Same goes for you I think!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Kirk
It's about time we got together again, and chase those days away.

'later
Dave
 
Those days seem to be often right now. The best three things are listening to my favorite songs cuz of their meaning to me about the abouse, they help me focus. The second is closing my eyes and remembering my niece and how she happily runs to me yelling uncle. I've never been married and don't have kids and am not seriously involved with anyone so she's the next best thing I suppose. Finally I talk to a picture of myself before the abuse (have a pic on my cell) and remind myself to keep my promises ...
 
I know how you feel. Recently i had a really bad business trip that seemed to snowball into a bad downward spiral that lasted about 3weeks. in the meantime, i made many statements to my wife about giving up, checking myself back into a hospital,or worse....you know those thoughts. well, my therapist tried to shake me out of it but showing me the alternatives: lose my job from absentee-ism, lose respect of my wife for giving up and not being able to depend on me in the future, lose my therapists relationship as she would shift into appeasement, amelioration mode and not try to continue aggressively pursuing wellness. Well, the session was meant to stir me up and get me angry enough to fight back. instead it backfired, made me feel isolated, alone, abandoned, threatened. I felt like she (my therapist) and my wife had just given up on me. I felt so alone. I endured about a week of this and really dark thoughts until I finally went back in for a session. Well, it turns out that there were misunderstandings and my therapist admitted that this was a wrong tack to take on the healing.

I dont know if this is any help to anyone, but i just needed to share this. I think i am finally out of the dark place but even now, i feel like sometimes just stopping the world and getting off the ride. I don't know if this felling will ever go away but I hope that like any other loss, time will diminish the hurt even if it remains with you forever.
 
We do have our times, don't we. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the same guy who feels all of this. I mean I'm starting to enjoy some things again...really enjoy them.

But like you say, where the f*** does that s*** come from?...the, stop the world, I want off.

The Donald says--my therapist for the past two years--that we belong to the group that he calls the "catastrophics." You know, guys who tend to view things, catastrophically. If it's not this way...good...then it must be that way, catastophic, everything is going to hell.

I don't know if that helps anyone, but it seems to help me to know that I can do that...and I do.

Donald says that as survivors we can tend to go over the edge or take it too seriously.

While Donald can be gentle and compassionate when he needs to be, he can also kick us in the pants, when he thinks that we need it. He does this by asking what kind of cheese we want with that whine.

Of course, when he asks that, there is all sort of support from the other guys because we tend to be more rescuing than he is at that moment. All in all, a good balance.

So, take care, check to see if you're in the catastrophic mode and remind yourself that we survivors can be that way, once in a while, and it doesn't mean the end of the world. Just us, expressing, maybe, just how unfair it all was.

Strength and courage,

David
 
Kirk,
I have a day like that at least once a week! Days where I'm just ready to explode or throw in the towel. Yesterday was like that. I was tired, frustrated and not as competant as I would like. I kept making stupid mistakes and felt like I was a complete idiot. And the day didn't get better! But this morning I put on my waders and went into our backyard Koi pond. My son took the morning off and helped me drain it and move all the fish into a holding tank. We then cleaned out the pond and refilled it, transplanting a few of the fish (they multiply quickly) to my Dad's pond across town. Later I threw myself into work and slowly accomplished some good things and started to feel better about myself. Jus' keep'n on pushin' on.
Peace, Andrew
 
Kirk, I understand COMPLETELY but I'd also take courage and strength in what your are feeling. It means you've got a pulse and that you are alive and continuing to grow through all this stuff.

I know for years, perhaps you too, I didn't have a pulse (of the "heart" that is). I was dead but now I'm alive. Take care.
 
Thanks guys

The wife and I had to look after two of our grandchildren today and they certainly make me forget what I am working myself up about and show me that I have everything I could possibly wish for.

Just on a negative note another of my abusers had his trial adjourned again this time for six weeks, his defence team are playing mind games.

Thanks again

Kirk

20six.co.uk/dandare2 (Could prove triggering)
 
Kirk, I wish you strenght in your perp's trial. I myself cannot wait to see him go to jail. My mom imagines telling off the pastor in front of thw whole congregation. the pastor Fr. Gerry, was the one who covered up for my perp, and he is still pastor. They have moved my perp to another church with a preschool attached!~!! of all the stupid s*** they could do. Well, soon I expect to see him removed. Sometimes this deep hatred for my abuser is the only thing that keeps me sane. Use this anger, it can help fuel your recovery. I have a heavy punching bag, recommended by my therapist. it is one of my favorite coping tools. Surviving is easier when I am angry. It is the depression & hopelessness that are the real danger to me. That is the hardest to endure. The anger gives me strength, the hopelessness empties me of any feeling.
 
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