Escape #2: An Update
Hey Husky,
I 100% support you, too. My heart goes out to you. How hard this must be, and the strong emotional war you're experiencing in your head.
Don just said something that resonated profoundly with me, and I'm so grateful I came back to read this thread. "You don't have to get mad to take care of yourself". This is more true than the itch on my arm.
I am wondering how you plan to depart your parents house tonight? It sounds like you're planning for a dramatic exit? Those are wild and unpredictable and sometimes dangerous. And they are very memorable as well. I'm curious, is this evening's stand-off avoidable? I mean, why is it necessary to have an encounter with them this evening?
I will be honest. I'm worried about you and your approach. I know that you're struggling with some profoundly confusing feelings; and it's not fair that you have to make these decisions. Your parents should love and support you unconditionally, and the fact that they haven't, and still aren't, must cause an extreme amount of heart ache. You wondered if you're suconsciously trying to hold on? No, I think you'r consciously still trying to hold on some how. You're still looking for your parents love and acceptance. But the sad fact is, they can't give it to you. They don't know how. Neither did my parents. I suspect, none of our parents here at MS knew how to love us the way we needed to be loved.
As I've grown in my complicated and long recovery, I've come to realize that the significant damage I incurred from childhood was a direct result of my mother's inability to love me the way I needed to be loved. I needed a mother, not a incestuous, emotional vampire. She's still that way, and it has taken me 20 years to learn how to separate myself from her. I'm finally coming to a place of a cceptance about who she is, was, and what she isn't capable of.
I share this with you from a place of love and compassion for you, brother. Our travels are similar. I'm a bit further down the path than you. And my hindsight and my empathy for you compel me to share this with you. I hope that you reconsider a confrontational exit with your parents. Is it necessary? What is the likely outcome of this planned encounter?
Sometimes a silent, graceful bow out is the healthiest exit to make. No damage can be done by simply, peacefully, walking away.
I say that last sentence with a bit of whimsy. I peacefully walked away years ago from my mother, but have spent those years battling the raging emotions in my head. I now realize that I have been able to come to peace about the relationship I had with my mother BECAUSE I peacefully walked away from her.
It would have been impossible to try and make sense of the convoluted psychological nightmare she created in me with her still injecting her venom into my mind. With her out of the picture, I could meticulously comb through the mayhem in my own head to make sense of it all.
I hope this doesn't come across harsh. I will likely edit it a few times to reword or rephrase if I feel like I've just typed something that was condescending. But I hope that you can trust, regardless, that I wrote all this out because I want and hope to see you experience the better things in life. I care about your well being.
My very best,
D
I 100% support you, too. My heart goes out to you. How hard this must be, and the strong emotional war you're experiencing in your head.
Don just said something that resonated profoundly with me, and I'm so grateful I came back to read this thread. "You don't have to get mad to take care of yourself". This is more true than the itch on my arm.
I am wondering how you plan to depart your parents house tonight? It sounds like you're planning for a dramatic exit? Those are wild and unpredictable and sometimes dangerous. And they are very memorable as well. I'm curious, is this evening's stand-off avoidable? I mean, why is it necessary to have an encounter with them this evening?
I will be honest. I'm worried about you and your approach. I know that you're struggling with some profoundly confusing feelings; and it's not fair that you have to make these decisions. Your parents should love and support you unconditionally, and the fact that they haven't, and still aren't, must cause an extreme amount of heart ache. You wondered if you're suconsciously trying to hold on? No, I think you'r consciously still trying to hold on some how. You're still looking for your parents love and acceptance. But the sad fact is, they can't give it to you. They don't know how. Neither did my parents. I suspect, none of our parents here at MS knew how to love us the way we needed to be loved.
As I've grown in my complicated and long recovery, I've come to realize that the significant damage I incurred from childhood was a direct result of my mother's inability to love me the way I needed to be loved. I needed a mother, not a incestuous, emotional vampire. She's still that way, and it has taken me 20 years to learn how to separate myself from her. I'm finally coming to a place of a cceptance about who she is, was, and what she isn't capable of.
I share this with you from a place of love and compassion for you, brother. Our travels are similar. I'm a bit further down the path than you. And my hindsight and my empathy for you compel me to share this with you. I hope that you reconsider a confrontational exit with your parents. Is it necessary? What is the likely outcome of this planned encounter?
Sometimes a silent, graceful bow out is the healthiest exit to make. No damage can be done by simply, peacefully, walking away.
I say that last sentence with a bit of whimsy. I peacefully walked away years ago from my mother, but have spent those years battling the raging emotions in my head. I now realize that I have been able to come to peace about the relationship I had with my mother BECAUSE I peacefully walked away from her.
It would have been impossible to try and make sense of the convoluted psychological nightmare she created in me with her still injecting her venom into my mind. With her out of the picture, I could meticulously comb through the mayhem in my own head to make sense of it all.
I hope this doesn't come across harsh. I will likely edit it a few times to reword or rephrase if I feel like I've just typed something that was condescending. But I hope that you can trust, regardless, that I wrote all this out because I want and hope to see you experience the better things in life. I care about your well being.
My very best,
D
best not to say anything as the only thing it will probably achieve is too make you feel bad later on. 
