Emotions and Family

[Ceremony]

*Triggering* My intent is to start a process of grieving, to have some emotional release, or to find where my emotions are regarding discovering my youngest sister has cancer. I'm going to see her late today, maybe very late, and then some tomorrow. I'll also come into contact with my dad and step-mother, step sisters, and maybe others. The only one I have an issue with is my dad. It's going to be very, very difficult to see him.

This shouldn't be about my dad, but, unfortunately, he'll have a major role in what is going on. He isn't in good health, and my siblings are unsure how long he can last the way he is? This news landed last night, just before bedtime. I managed some sleep, and I have to get ready for my T session shortly.

I'll look at this with my T, why I'm numb, unable to feel right now. I'm just numb. Stoic!

 

[HealingHope]

Thinking of you Ceremony, a difficult day at so many levels. We’re alongside if you need a place.

 

[AuthenticMe]

Hi Ceremony,

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. I hope your session with your therapist goes well.

 

[Ceremony]

I got back late this evening, and my time with my sister and extended family was Ok. I stuck up for myself once, and found some unmet need among other family members. I had a chance to get closer too. None of this time was about me.

My youngest sister is going to be working on a very aggressive cancer and there's a lot to consider. I'm among those helping with that work, which is why I'm mentioning it here. I'm still numb, but can feel the build of emotions.

What I meant by unmet need among some family members, is their methods of dealing with this have a spectrum of need. It's when they're getting in the way, behaving in a way that imposes upon our dear sister, then they're a problem. That occurred to some degree, and it affected me with lost sleep. The noise of staying up with late drinking was a problem. It's like they're the only one there, and why wouldn't everyone know they're need to talk and be loud about it?!

Whose been at the hospital all day, talking about life threatening disease and treatment, then going to sleep, and finding that one person is a mess?! I'm being sarcastic, that sentence is meant to convey my inner thinking.

I've been lucky too, those who rallied and worked to see what needs to be done, became a core group. I felt awkward, because it turned out, my sister wanted me to help her lead that. That worked Ok, but I'm still unsure? I've got to talk to some others over this next week to see how that dynamic is going to work. I'll get to go over it all with my T this Thursday, and I can't wait, I'm so antsy.

I'm trying to get back into routine quickly, which means I'm writing...

Thank you for being here and listening.

 

[HealingHope]

(((Ceremony)))
I have family members too who lose themselves in their own unmet needs, and it feels frustrating that they don’t step up. I think noticing this just shows how self aware you are and I’ve come to realise with my family, that denial, poor me or cutting you off with something that feels like “ you think you’ve got it bad, let me tell you about me” ... is because actually they really don’t know how to cope with it or have the resilience to. My sister is the only person who knows about my situation with my survivor gone but hasn’t been there for me at all, it’s like she can’t handle me being distressed or not being 100%

Your sister wanting your steady hand and the strength I see in this post speaks volumes I think

 

[KMCINVA]

Ceremony

Sorry to hear of your sister--thoughts are with her, you and the family.

HealingHope I believe we all at times loose ourselves, as a survivor I lost myself for decades and only today am I seeing I am here and can truly live and enjoy life. I had needs but I hid behind this facade of trying to live a life that did not have CSA controlling me. I could not cope with facing the past so I developed my own coping mechanism--dissociation--which allowed me to live in a world unknown to me but without the pain and memories of the abuse and triggers.

Ceremony I hope you can find a way to make it through with your father. As you said, he will be there throughout your sister's ordeal. I know for you, your one family member who has been there for you, now suffering, is quite difficult and can be disruptive to healing. I know your sister would want you to continue to heal and not to let her illness distract you from having a wonderful life. My thoughts are with you and I do hope you continue on your journey to heal and can find some peace with your father.

Families can be challenging, we are all different, some see the pain of others, some only see their pain, some more quickly face their issues that impact their lives while others are slower and those that never come to terms that their world was not perfect. We have to live among each other, but we have choice to distance ourselves from those who continue to hurt or stifle us in healing. I am not sure how it all works, but I am attempting and I can say I am feeling greater peace today.

Kevin

Kevin

 

[AuthenticMe]

Ceremony - It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I hope you take some time to care for yourself as diligently as you care for others.

Lome

 

[HealingHope]

Hi Kevin
I don’t think I explained myself very well, I am sorry.
What I meant was, I’ve realised over time with my family that when they are dealing with their own issues they can’t always see when others need support Hope that makes more sense.