emotional rollercoaster

emotional rollercoaster
S

shadow

New Registrant
It has been almost a year now since my repressed memories allowed me to realize the incestiuous sexual abuse that I endured years ago. Prior to this I had anxiety problems, but it seems recently, since beginning therapy these problems along with depressed feeling have gotten a lot worse. Is this normal to experience this and will it eventually improve because I hate this emotional rollercoaster that I seem to be on fluctuating between anxiety and panic attacks, sometimes feeling good, and depression.
-shadow
 
Shadow.

Welcome to our little community. It is a shame that you had reason to seek us out. You aren't alone. It is an emotional roller coaster, but as you go along in your healing, the lows won't be as deep and as often. I totally relate to the repressed memories, I had a lot of anxieties to certain things that I finally understand why since the memories started coming back. Don't push them, they will come in their own time.
 
Hello Shadow,

And welcome to MaleSurvivor.

Please be sure to discuss this emotional roller-coaster with your therapist. I am sure that he/she will have some reassurance for you.

I also can identify with your experience. It was as if the emotions I had ignored and deliberately forgotten suddenly were all claiming my attention.

There were times when it was overwhelming. It was important for me to talk about this with my T. There were times when I needed to see him between our weekly get togethers.

He also encouraged me to realize that I did not have to deal with all of these emotions right now.

That I could be assured that they woould be dealt with in good order and that I should consider setting them aside as much as possible between therapy sessions.

This along with time and healing has taken away many of the highs and the very lows. I am still in therapy; it still helps me alot; but my emotional state is rarely wildly fluctuating as it had in the beginning.

I want to tell you to stick with it; remember that you are not alone with this anymore; there are guys here for support.

It isn't easy to recover from the effects of the sexual abuse; but it certainly is possible. I know because it is happening for me.

I believe it can happen for you too.

Please come back and post and read some more. Feel free to contact me or any of the other moderators with questions or concerns or just to say hi.

I'm glad you found us.

Regards,
 
I never forgot what happened, but memories that I have kept hidden for decades still come back. I can't help the emotions. All I can do is deal with them. I usually discuss them with my wife; not in detail, but enough to help me through the tough times.

Sorry you have to be here, but this is a safe haven for me, and I hope for you!
 
Shadow,

welcome here. I am hoping that this site will be very helpful to you in your recovery.

There are some things I am still in 'repression' as to memories. It happens. But as it comes back, I think it comes back as we are strong enough to handle it. So as hard as it is, try to realize that the memories you maybe are getting back now are because you are stronger and more in control.

The emotional roller coaster is a very common feeling, a very common thing to happen. What we can most hope for is for the hills to flatten and the ride to slow some. It happens. It does. It just takes time. Goodluck to you.

leosha
 
Shadow I offer my welcome too.

Emotional roller coaster!!! Well I have never met one of us who has not riddent that giant.

I liken it more to riding a horse. You get on and it takes off like a bat out of hell and you can bearly hang on. In fact you may get thrown a couple of times or more. But then you beging to talk to the horse and the talking kind of calms it down and it slows and then you and the horse coexist as a single unit.

The Horse is the symbol of the sa the flashbacks and all the other shit. By constantly having a dialogue and seeking the truth about what happened together with the recognition that it was never your fault, shame or guilt the ride becomes much easier and then it becomes the ride into the future with promise and freedom.

Am I confusing you and others. I hope not. The important thing is that you are with us and need never feel alone or a freak or all the other shit again.
 
Hello Shadow,

welcome here.

I know what you mean about theups and downs. I think of it as coming in waves, overwhelming, intense, and then a period of relative calm. I am definitely finding that I am able to have a better perspective during the bad times. There is a little part of my mind that knows the bad will pass, and reminds me not to act on the feelings and thoughts I have. Then it does pass. I find that as I am better able to tolerate the pain, I am also having more emotional depth on the other end. Instead of coming back to numbness, I actually feel optomistic, and sort of a wholeness that I have't felt before. I have a hard time with actual happiness, but I'm sure that is something I can look forward to. Its worth it.

take care
 
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