Emotional disconnect?

Emotional disconnect?
Hauser

Hauser

Registrant
Hi everyone. Roadrunner got me thinking about a part of myself that I never thought of before.

I have never once cried about what happened to me.

I've cried over the demise of my dog/best friend Thor. God how I cried. https://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/blackadam17/album?.dir=1dbc&.src=ph

I've cried in frustration trying to do homework, and failing college.

I've cried after loosing a job because I had no aptitude for it.

But I don't even get misty talking about what the abuse that I endured, and how it's affected me. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

When I brought the topic up with a psychologist that was interviewing me for a learning/memory assesment, I was very calm. My legs were crossed, I was casual.

Aren't I supposed to be upset?

Roadrunner, am I starting to learn?
 
maybe your just strong enough to deal with it other ways ,not crying don't mean your not hurting . you are very strong you know ,you are hurting yet you take time to help somebody like me ,you have helped me by talking to me ,if you want to pm me about how you feel like i do ,taking the blame for stuff ,i ain't got nowhere to go today ,gonna be a long night here alone .shadow
 
You're very kind, perhaps, I'll take you up on that. Aren't these people here really cool?

I'm spending Christmas alone too. I could have visited family up North but...........I'm just not in the mood.

The spirit of Christmas is kind of dead in my family. I have one full brother and one half-brother, and one half-sister, and we're all grown up, I'm the youngest at 36. None of us have kids, what does that tell you about us, huh? My sister has had long term relatioships, but never wanted kids. My full brother was trying for years, but he was the only one.

My half-brother is as much of a social misfit as I am. I've had 2 girlfriends in almost 20 years.

I can't find anyone decent enough for me. Once you get up in the late 20's, early 30's, the good ones are already taken. The one's that are left are FAT!!!! Yuck!!! LOL

You're 21 aren't you shadow? If you ever go to a nightclub, just look around. All the good-looking ones are like ummmmmmmm 21, 22, 23. Then look at the ones in their 30's. Aaaaaggggghhhhhhh!!!!!! LOL
 
Back to the subject. I don't feel like I'm hurting, I'm just frustrated. I'm frustrated that I can't improve myself. I'm frustrated and desperate to find answers as to why everything I've tried to do in my life has led to failure. I want answers.

I thought I could just forget the past and move on but that ain't workin'

I have not succeeded in anything worthwhile. I have nothing to show for myself.

Oh sure, I've helped a lady change her tire on the side of the highway, and I've done some other good things, but nothing for ME.

I am my own worst enemy it seems.
 
One more thing, my comments about overwight people was inappropriate, sorry.

I work in a restaurant and that's how we talk. I forget sometimes that we all come from different cultures, etc.
 
you've succeded in helping me at a time when i just want to give up ,sometimes maybe we don't see how little things we do have a big impact on others.being 21 don't help much when you can't or won't even talk to girls .
 
You may wish to try, sure you're carrying a lot a baggage, but she could be an anchor of support that you can't get from us, no matter how much we care about you.

I would guess that more than half the guys here are married and wouldn't want it any other way.

I would LOVE to be married, but not to just anybody. I still haven't found her.

What sucks in my situation, (I'm a low-wage) service industry worker, is that all the good ones married the guys that succeeded in college and got good-paying jobs. I would have done that too if I didn't have all this crap in my head keeping me down.
 
Shadow,
I understand what you mean. I'm 27 and I haven't gone on as much as a date. The good thing is we have indentifed the problem and can start working on it. There is light at the end of the tunnel, it may be a long tunnel but there is still an end to it.

Jason

Oh and hauser, Nightclub?? I'm lucky I can go inside at McDonalds LOL
 
Hauser,

You are clearly a guy who is able to show emotion about other things and able to cry when you are upset, so why not about the abuse you suffered? We are all different of course, so I guess there is no "correct" way to express your sadness and grief at what happened to you.

My guess here (and that's all it is) is that you may have dealt with what happened to you by numbing out, pretending that it was a long time ago and doesn't matter, of figuring that somehow it was your fault or you could have done something to stop it. That is, at some level you may feel that you don't deserve tears. Or you may fear to shed them because you are afraid of how your feelings might overwhelm you - you would be vulnerable and not in control.

That is more or less the way it went with me bro. I gradually allowed myself to feel again and talk about what bothered me. I thought I was doing pretty well, but then I had an assessment for a new T and within 5 minutes I was blubbering and weeping and practically falling over myself with grief.

I think we all have tears for the little kid within us who was so terribly hurt. But they will come in their own time, and if this time has not come for you yet, well, there we are. Like I said, we are all different. You aren't doing something "wrong" if you can't cry over this yet. You are just processing things your own way and according to your own priorities and issues. That's the way it should be.

I also think that tears are not really the point - it's WHY we weep that is important. To weep out of grief and pain for what happened is cleansing and positive; it's a way of claiming a right to say I have been hurt and wronged. What we don't need, however, are the tears of guilt and shame. Those we need to try to jettison and leave for those who deserve to shed them - the bastards who hurt us.

Much love,
Larry
 
Thank you for your input Roadrunner. It makes sense to me.

Mcdonalds? LOL

Hey, you guys would probably laugh if you heard me talk to the women I work with.

Resaurants are different in as far as political correctness, in all of it's ubiquitous forms, has not penetrated our workplace yet. We can pretty much say what ever we want to and not worry about a harassment lawsuit.

For instance, I'll setting up some plates and start a conversation with one, I'll say "So Jen, you wanna get drunk and naked at my place later?"
The answer is always "NO" :(

I thought women appreciated honesty. Oh well.
 
Hauser, I write in answer to your original post.

Emotional disconnect? I have it too.

I can cry at a weepy movie but can discuss my abuse over and over with all and sundry and not get worked up in the slightest.

Of course I cry and I guess some of the tears come from a lost childhood but the trigger that makes me cry is usually something else.

I guess its because I was brought up thinking this was normal behaviour. Now I know it was VERY wrong and bad and have dealt with it as best I can. 2 years therapy and getting my father jailed.

BUT - yeah, I feel very little emotion when discussing events with friends. They always say "Wow your strong to talk like this, it never seems to affect you"

When I talk with my wife, she crys, I dont.

I cry because she crys about me. Not because I feel bad about the topic in discussion.

Does that make sense??
 
You might have disociated when the abuse was happening and memories of the abuse still cause you to do so. At least that is one of my problems. This week as i'm facing new memories, they are often hard to believe because of that emotional disconnect. I see these things happening to a little kid that shouldn't be and all i feel is a blank stare. It seems like it would be easier if i remembered myself crying then to cry now. I didn't always have a blank face, my abuser caused that. Before I was traumatized I would have been able to cry.
 
I didnt cry sober for thirty years and I still have problems today so much so that I try to force it and the more you try to force it the less likely you are going to get a result.

"I've cried over the demise of my dog/best friend Thor. God how I cried".


A situation like this was the last time I cried with all my heart when I had to have my bestfriend "Oliver" put to sleep two years ago and like you "God how I cried".

Kirk
 
Although I think I was crying (with rage) when Lloydy had to come round and talk me out of doing something really stupid. Thanks Dave

Kirk
 
Hauser,

I can see I'm really late to this discussion, but wanted to add my two cents worth.

I too wondered why I could never cry.

As an adult,

I didn't cry at my grandmother's funeral
I couldn't cry over the loss of a pet
I couldn't even cry over the loss of a job I loved
I didn't cry when girlfriends broke up with me
I certainly didn't cry over any CSA issues

Till August '03 that is. Then I couldn't stop crying. Tears are very close to the surface with me most of the time althoug I've learned things that help keep the emotion in check through 2 years of therapy. I'm gradually coming to a better place where I have emotion about those things but don't loose it at the drop of a hat.

Hauser, each person is different of course, but my advise would be for you not to stress about the issue of emotion. Just keep doing the work you're doing. Find out about yourself through Therapy, reading, coming here, and anything else that will educate you about who you are and your reactions to life, both when you were young and in the present.

Have a great '06, Friend.

Lots of love,

John
 
Hauser,

my last dog that I had was my true friend and companion, he was my life.

We went on really long walks and was so much fun with him.

He never had a life until he met me, his family was scared of him and he was out of control.

I adopted him, as this family could not give him what he needed in life, he changed dramatically as I took him for walks, and he was so obedient with me.

He had to go on heart drugs because his heart was failing, and it hurt me to the core that he could not go for the walks he loved so we turned back, and I comfort him as a massive friend.

I cried to see him not eat food, or want to go out, and all the things he really wanted to do, were taken away by his health.

I knew he had to go from this World, so I asked my family to do it, cos I would not stand parting with my best friend.

And he still is my best friend who gave me so much in life,

ste
 
I cried listening to Karma Police and Lucky by Radiohead. If your feeling down, those 2 songs really trigger me so dont listen to them. Edited because of cra-p spelling
 
my abuser used physical violence to teach my not to cry ,the more i cried the more i got beat till i finaly just stopped crying, about the same time i stopped caring, shadow
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top