Embarrassed to be me

Embarrassed to be me
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onlyakid

A few weeks (maybe a month or 1 1/2 ago), the sister of one of my best friends when my abuse started came in. Well I didn't say anything or ask about him because I was embarrased what I had become. Well she came back and this time with her mother (obviously also the mom of my friend). I felt so scared that the mom would recognize me. It really brought me down, I'm here at work just waiting till I can go home, not doing any work.

Come to think of it, I think this maybe more than just being embarrased. Maybe I'm afraid of what will happen if I see this guy again. Will he ask why I pushed him away? What will I say? Will he bring up old memories?

Jason
 
You have nothing to fear for you did nothing wrong.

the truth works best, and you can shape it so you explain as little or as much of your "problem" as you are comfortible sharing.

It's not your fault you guys split. You sort of had "some stuff going on." You know?
 
Jason
walk tall, hold your head up, you did nothing to be ashamed of.

Other people are far more understanding about our abuse than we give them credit for, the doubts we have are ours. Sure, they are a result of the abuse, but they are ours now and it's up to us to deal with them.
Once we do do reclaim our self-esteem and put the doubts into perspective then the reason for the doubts can be given back to our abusers - where it belongs.

Dave
 
Maybe you still have a good friend. You won't know unless you talk with him.
 
Well thats good except if I do that then if things go wrong, I might get proof that I am the loser I think I am.

Jason
 
Originally posted by jtt5254:
Well thats good except if I do that then if things go wrong, I might get proof that I am the loser I think I am.

Jason
Click to expand...
Jason, this sounds exactly like self-fulfilling profacy and self-defeating behavior. You are placing unrealistic expectations on both yourself and him. You are already setting both yourself and him up for failure in your eyes. The only way that you will find out what is going on and if you have a friend is if you try to.
 
Jason - I told 3 of my best friends in a moment of extreme panic. I didn't have time to think about it - the information just left my mouth because I couldn't contain it any longer.

They are even better friends now than they were before. I never thought I would tell anyone because I was frightened of what the reaction would be - they were mortified that I had not told them earlier. The reaction has been the same with everyone that I have told since then.

If your friend is currently out of your life, it may be time for you to trust someone (I know how difficult that is when it seems like the most impossible thing to do) & bring him back in there.

You are the one that must decide what is best for you, but I send you strength to get through this - best wishes ...Rik.

Just one final thing, all of us here have experienced things that we should not have - this does not make us losers; not you nor me...we are some of the strongest people on the planet! Jason that includes you!
 
Dude! I know for a fact you are not a loser, and any person that thinks you are a loser is the loser.

((((((((((Jason))))))))))

I'm not just saying that either. You are one of the kindest, caring, considerate, people I have ever met.
 
Originally posted by jtt5254:
Well thats good except if I do that then if things go wrong, I might get proof that I am the loser I think I am.

Jason
Click to expand...
Jason, this is similar to statistics. You know how it is, they say you can find statistics to prove anything? Well, whatever you think of yourself, whether it is good or bad, you can find 'proof' to back it up. It is all matter of what you choose to look for.

I can not say I have been in the same situation, as when I left my abuse behind, I left behind also the country it occurred in. I am not as likely to 'bump into' anyone I knew at that time or anything. But I have the 'what if they knew's all the time. Maybe that is relatable. And I do know, logically, it is nothing to have shame of. But then, how often does logic dictate emotion?

I wish you relief from that shame, and the fear of someone recognizing you. None of us deserve those feelings.

leosha
 
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