Drinking

Just make sure that you don't get bored, keep yourself occupied. You can spend many hours in the chat room here at MS, or work on your bike, whatever. Stay busy.
 
If I knew this 'not drinking' thing came with all these new feelings I wouldn't have stopped. Or I would have replaced with something... like heroin.

Of course I'm kidding about that... kind of...

I'm feeling very negative, very cynical, completely alone. I don't usually feel those things. Then again I don't usually feel much of anything.
 
I know that flat-line feeling, where you never feel good about anything at all. Jaysen, I take it that you're not suffering from any withdrawl symptoms? If not, THAT IS GREAT NEWS for you!

Now, where are you in life right now? Are you working? Do you LIKE what you do? Are there perhaps other goals you might like to achieve besides just being sober?
 
No, I was fine until Saturday. At least I had convinced myself that I was. Now, yeah, that's a good way to describe it, flat-line, I like that.

I don't know, some maybe but not so bad. I kind of feel like ripping my skin off and crawling out of it, or maybe more like my skin is crawling and I can't get away from it? Anxious, very anxious, on edge, DYING for a beer but will have a smoke instead. Could cry like a 3 year old girl at any moment... or not. If it gets worse than how I feel now I'll have to... I don't know what, something. I'm having bad thoughts, like not suicidal thoughts but close.

I don't know, I feel all messed up today but I'm handling it.

Yeah I work at a bike shop, Boston Harley, ever hear of it? I love what I do. Other goals besides being sober? hmmm... not really. Never gave it much thought. Just figured I'd work, make money, drink/party, get laid, die. Maybe not in that order.
 
Jay,

It doesn't sound like withdrawal, just anxiety because instead of numbing out with alcohol you are just taking things as they come, and dealing with them as yourself. Maybe what you feel is insecurity, like, "Can I really do this?"

Much love,
Larry
 
Find a purpose for yourself. If people get to know you and love you, you can get out of that flat-line mode. When you only think of yourself and what makes you happy, you automatically forfeit the opportunity to MATTER to other people, and to make a difference in their lives. Shaodwkid will tell you himself that his life is so much richer now that he's become involved in the lives of a family that he's neighbors with. The kids look to him as a Father figure and look to him for support. He's made a HUGE difference in their lives by simply not only drinking and partying etc., he's feeling good about just being around a new family that loves him.

Another example, I am considering being a big/brother even a foster parent. I won't do it until I have a career going, I have to provide a good example to do it right. But that's what I'm thinking of doing. How about you?
 
Matter to people? Nah, I'm way too selfish to care about anyone but myself. And if you're close enough to me to care about me, then you're close enough to hurt me too.
So I don't think so.
Nice thought though.

I think it's great that Shadow got involved like that, looked at like a father figure? That's awesome. The big brother thing / foster parent, that's great too... really... I envy you guys. It's just never going to be me.
 
Well, you have many hard-coded patterns of thinking to change, and remember, you're only JUST starting to deal with your abuse. It's going to take some time ok?

Only care about yourself? I could swear I saw this guy named Jaysen on the MS DB reply to other people's posts and try to help them. It must have been another Jaysen.
 
Jay,

And if you're close enough to me to care about me, then you're close enough to hurt me too.
Click to expand...
That's a classic statement of the trust issue that so many survivors have. A young boy more or less assumes that the world is his oyster and will never hurt him. But then abuse hits him and he sees how wrong he was. Being a kid, he jumps from one extreme to the other; now he figures that the world is entirely unsafe and that terrible harm can reach out to him anywhere and any time. The only solution seems to be to trust no one, to close down emotionally and to keep all comers at a "safe" distance.

That's the lesson the kid grows up with and carries with him into adulthood. It's a hard one to unlearn, because obviously the world CAN be dangerous. We have to relearn how to trust, but also how to develop and maintain safe boundaries for ourselves.

A very wise man and cool friend once said to me in a phone conversation: "It's all about boundaries." The more I think about it the more I realize he's right.

Much love,
Larry
 
Postscript to my post Jay, since your thread is about drinking:

Learning how to trust and and at the same time to keep safe boundaries is an emotional and difficult task for a survivor, but it's the central key to recovery.

My experience is that alcohol doesn't contribute jack-shit to this crucial task and never will. I doubt that any other survivor who has been through this will say differently.

Much love,
Larry
 
I know, I know,
When I'm trashed all the boundaries and trust issues go out the window. I'll hook up with anyone, go anywhere, do anything... it's bad. You'd think I would have learned the first time! damn it
 
Jay,

Unfortunately the past is water under the bridge and we can't change it. Nor is there any point in beating ourselves up over our past mistakes. What we have to do is learn from them and move on. It's the here and now, not yesterday or a week or year ago, where we have the power to make changes and take charge of our own lives.

Much love,
Larry
 
Yep. It sure does. It's so easy to do that, and it allows us to continue the illusion that some solution lies in endlessly blaming and trashing ourselves. The idea of stopping sucks in a way. It means we have to take risks we don't know we can endure and feel things we aren't sure we can handle.

The reward for doing all that, however, is that we get our lives back. ;)

Much love,
Larry
 
If you MUST know ... yes. ;)

L.
 
Can someone guide me in the ancient art of living without Al K Hol in his veins.
Take away my dummy! No way! But seriously, it is good if you can, and see the real World.

I have cut down a load over the years, as I saw the toll it was taking, but my body warned me off.
When you get a sign like that, take heed.

Try and be moderate in all things as confusious says, dang,

ste
 
Originally posted by Jaysen:
I know, I know,
When I'm trashed all the boundaries and trust issues go out the window. I'll hook up with anyone, go anywhere, do anything... it's bad. You'd think I would have learned the first time! damn it
Click to expand...
Someone is talking my language.

Yep, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Took me narly 30 years to beat the bottle but I am well aware of falling into complacency. Booze and my alcoholism is cunning, baffling and all powerful. I used to say "I will never drink again", but .... today I say "I will not have a drink for the next 24 hours", been saying that now for 12 years with a couple of very quick relapses on the way, I say quick in as much as they stopped as soon as they started.

Feeling shit and confused with emotions etc is par for the course with giving up booze, but stay with it .... it does pass and sure as hell it does get better.

Kirk
"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"
 
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