I was molested in the 80's by my baseball coach for 4 years. I counted over 800 plus times. I never enjoyed it. In my 40's I forgave him and assited in his arrest. Immediately after I started dressing as a woman amd was surprised because I actually look hot and get more reaction from people. Ive decided to go to therapy because im going after the league and my council insited I do so. Every since I talked to him things are coming back flashbacks. I realize for the first time my life has been destroyed in so many ways from the abuse. I habe no male friends, cannot hold a job. I'm angry and tired of being lost poor and at mercy of others. I hope counseling helps. I wish there was a way to get financial aid so I can see the right doctors therapists ect. A womans group is letting me recieve counceling for free. I am in my 40's divorced 3 chikdren and excuse my French #&#_#_!. tired of feeling like I wish I was never born. Tired of always saying im sorry. Tired of feeling disgust lack of self worth poverty. I feel like im creating anotther personality when I dress so I can escape. Women dont turn me on any more amd this all started at age 40 wtf.