Dreams, nightmares and demons

Doing my best to stay afloat today. Depleted of energy I hit the ground barely going through the motions to get to work. Work, the place where most of my stress is born. I hate to play the game, it’s exhausting. Now the dreams/nightmares are often. Restless “sleep”.
Wish I could crawl into bed and never come out.
 

SecretTurtle

Registrant
I feel so much empathy for your statement “I hate to play the game”. It is so exhausting and agonizing and frustrating. All the best wishes to you.
 
Doing my best to stay afloat today. Depleted of energy I hit the ground barely going through the motions to get to work. Work, the place where most of my stress is born. I hate to play the game, it’s exhausting. Now the dreams/nightmares are often. Restless “sleep”.
Wish I could crawl into bed and never come out.
I feel so much empathy for your statement “I hate to play the game”. It is so exhausting and agonizing and frustrating. All the best wishes to you.
thank you for your reply... all the best to you as well
 
Yes. I've been retired for some time so at least I'm relieved of needing to play the game at work. Granted, some of that experience was rewarding because I could play the game quite well and received kudos along the way for how I did it. But it was always an empty victory because underneath it all was shame inducing acting out behavior needed to keep me afloat. I've no idea how I would navigate the world of work if I were healed enough to simply be present. I probably would choose to do something different, something with more meaning and depth. But alas, as trauma survivors we are always at the mercy of our unhealed parts, our personal demons. So we make it up one day at a time. Blessedly, by the time we come to this website we have an inkling of what is wrong and of what might make a difference. The healing begins... the work of the next chapter of our lives. I can be a long one, but we don't have to navigate this territory alone. All the best LAQ.
 
Yes. I've been retired for some time so at least I'm relieved of needing to play the game at work. Granted, some of that experience was rewarding because I could play the game quite well and received kudos along the way for how I did it. But it was always an empty victory because underneath it all was shame inducing acting out behavior needed to keep me afloat. I've no idea how I would navigate the world of work if I were healed enough to simply be present. I probably would choose to do something different, something with more meaning and depth. But alas, as trauma survivors we are always at the mercy of our unhealed parts, our personal demons. So we make it up one day at a time. Blessedly, by the time we come to this website we have an inkling of what is wrong and of what might make a difference. The healing begins... the work of the next chapter of our lives. I can be a long one, but we don't have to navigate this territory alone. All the best LAQ.
Thank you, your words are healing.....
 
I lived for decades like that and it sucks but I refuse to give in or give up, if I had I wouldn't have found all my brothers here to help and understand what it means to be us.
 
I lived for decades like that and it sucks but I refuse to give in or give up, if I had I wouldn't have found all my brothers here to help and understand what it means to be us.
Thank you.... words like yours make the struggle bearable
 
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