Josh,
It's difficult to say what the dream about your mother means, but I would not be too quick to conclude that it means she touched you in some inappropriate way.
One of the many harmful emotional effects of abuse is the feeling that danger is everywhere. There are good reasons for that feeling. A child living in a safe environment looks at the world and thinks it's a safe place for him: he figures that he cannot be hurt, and he doesn't think any terrible harm can come to him.
But then the abuse occurs and proves that he is wrong. So from seeing the world as entirely safe he jumps to the opposite opinion - that the world is entirely UNsafe and that harm can strike him from anywhere at any time.
Want to hear how wild this can get? My Mom and Dad were good parents, my family was 100% safe for me, and I was never hurt in my own home. But after about a year of abuse (by a Scout leader) I had hiding places all over the house, complete with stashes of snacks in case I got hungry. My parents thought these were part of some kind of "hiding game", but believe me, the feeling I needed to hide was no game!
What I'm getting at is that your dream may be part of this feeling. That is, in your sleep your mind is worrying about everything feeling so unsafe, so it starts thinking, "What if even my Mom wants to hurt me like that?"
I'm not trying to assure you that your dream is just about fears and nothing else, but it is a very good possibility.
Really, the big question is this: Do you have safe adults you can trust enough to talk to them about all this? If home doesn't seem to be a good idea, what about a school counselor, a coach or youth leader you trust, a minister, priest or rabbi? The idea is just someone safe.
Please don't sit with this stuff all alone! You are talking here to a LOT of guys who know how bad that sucks.
Much love,
Larry
