Don't Promise Me

[zookeeper]

I would rather know that I stand alone than to be told comforting lies. I faced rape, starvation, torture and threats of death and didn't tell a soul for decades. But what hurts more than the cuts or burns is feeling, very much, alone again. Please don't promise me what you have no intention of doing.

 

[Ceremony]

I don't grasp whom that post would be to?

 

[zookeeper]

I have looked for help. I have been promised that people would "be there for me". But the funny thing is, when I need them- just to talk or listen or be the friggin person sitting with me for a cup of coffee- they are gone like smoke.

At least the people who told me "you should never tell anybody, people with think youre weird" were honest. They honestly cut me off and walked away. But what do you with people who SAY they support you then always have some excuse to avoid spending a half an hour with you even once.

Whose it directed to?? The people who let me down.......again.
B

 

[Ceremony]

I think you mean a person has pulled away when you needed them?

That would be rejection, perhaps none of us can handle.

yuh know, me especially.

 

[Ceremony]

Speaking to rejection?

Is this place usually such a desert?

Are talks on the Forum so unusual, do the men think this inane and my entreaties for feedback a nuisance?

Is your post of rejection a part of what happens on MS zookeeper?

No one gives some time, they've their lives, their problems, their needs and some others just freak out?

I see some have deep connections, "call me", "email me", "PM me" and then others, like me, like you perhaps, don't?

I really see a lot of men talk about not having friends, and yet they don't appear to have time to be in the Forum and bring talk?

I just checked chat, and there's no one there.

So, fine, all are away... no big deal there. But, stopping in, does that mean the men don't check posts, don't care to spend that kind of time? That being ignored is just the way it is, get over it?

I'm not sure you can answer that, or want to answer that?


I got here thinking there would be more talk in the Forum, but I was sorely wrong.

Now, I have a rule that's set in my house. My wife demands we get off the computers and I have to get off. I might not be able to get on until after work?

 

[KMCINVA]

Brian

Sorry for the sense of loneliness you feel. You faced so much in your life.

For me I was abandoned prior to and during facing the truth of the abuse. Abandoned by people who consider themselves good and kind. Others who know the truth have said otherwise to me. It left me feeling scared and afraid, afraid to face the truth. I met others who gave me much and brought me through difficult times. I think of the loneliness, the desperation and desire to die my family left me with--as they laughed, lied about my abuse, denied the abuse inflicted on me by them that unraveled the soul, the sense of abandonment I felt for many years. I was lonely and even when I met people who reached out, I retreated for fear they too would put on the facade of kindness, lie and destroy me more. I was wrong, I slowly accepted their words, their gestures. If I had not taken this risk, I would not be here today. Sometimes because of fear of the abuse, how people will react we push people away--not wanting to relive the past. It can be a subconscious pushing away even though we crave love and being a part of others lives.

You are not alone, we are here for you, understand your pain. Please continue to reach out.

Kevin

 

[zookeeper]

Ceremony,
I use an ipad so the chat doesnt work for me. But I would absolutely love to be your friend. We can talk here on in pm but I am all in favor in keeping the lines of communication open. The abuse we suffered is already isolating, we cant do that to each other. So, Ill talk until you tell me to be quiet my friend! Ok?
Brian

 

[zookeeper]

Thank you Kevin, I do very much appreciate you and your kindness. Im here buddy.
Brian