Incestuous Abuse Don't know *triggers
Healing light
Registrant
Woke up this morning was talking to a friend that was upset about a few things won't discuss there things but it was heavy, but nothing new to me we've talked numerous times openly
I came away from the conversation, and was thinking it over, trying to plan my next course of action to support them
When I had intrusive memories new ones. (and old ones) How can something suddenly trigger me after so many years
I don't understand
I had a sister who died when we was children
The last time I saw her she was in my grandfather's arms he ran off with her to get her to the ambulance quicker
My grandfather was extremely distressed, and
extremely angry when he returned and in the coming days and weeks after
My grandfather and my father's relationship broke down entirely at this point
My grandfather openly blamed my father for my sisters death
My grandmother didn't she defended my father
Anyway its a time period I don't have many memories from because I shut it all away
Choose not to re vist it
I know I was at my sisters funeral but I don't remember any of it, don't remember the day's and weeks afterwards
There's all these things other people remember but I don't
Anyway the new memories one is of me sitting alone in an out building, there's my uncles dog which was female and me were both scared, me more than the dog something is happening outside
And the other is I'm in the stable with a horse and in the hay, the horse is sniffing me, but for some reason I didn't want her to be drawing attention to me
So the vain is hiding/being alone, within a particular age range
Which is nothing to do with what I was talking to my friend about
But for what ever reason it's raised this period of my life and for once I feel ready to re visit it
I'm a little fearful of where it will take me,
It's also around this time my cousin F came to live permanently with my grandparents it's some years before he raped me but
When I disclosed one of my brothers that's just a bit older than me told police that on one occasion our cousin had been sleeping in the same room as both of us and had attempted to show us dirty magazines and had shown us his penis, but that's the only time he was aware of
I had forgotten that until he raised it
I remember being a bit older and my cousin F used to tell me not to look somewhere but being a kid I'd look and I'd find a dirty magazine or photos, or one time a hand gun he always just laughed when he caught me looking
I needed to share I don't have therapy for over a week
I wasn't expecting this today
Re-visiting that time in my life will take everything that iv got but may bring some peace to my soul
The triggered memories made me feel distressed and alone (old feelings) and at the time I was deeply concerned for my friend (new feelings)
Accumulated into my inability to do what I was meant to be doing, the inability to manage my emotions effectively
Which usually leads to me in putting a crappy coping mechanism so I decided to write instead
Suppose its a day in the life of a survivor
And tomorrow is another day
Just tell me I'm not alone, or I'm not just a hot mess lol or something
There's hope right?
Peace HL
I came away from the conversation, and was thinking it over, trying to plan my next course of action to support them
When I had intrusive memories new ones. (and old ones) How can something suddenly trigger me after so many years
I don't understand
I had a sister who died when we was children
The last time I saw her she was in my grandfather's arms he ran off with her to get her to the ambulance quicker
My grandfather was extremely distressed, and
extremely angry when he returned and in the coming days and weeks after
My grandfather and my father's relationship broke down entirely at this point
My grandfather openly blamed my father for my sisters death
My grandmother didn't she defended my father
Anyway its a time period I don't have many memories from because I shut it all away
Choose not to re vist it
I know I was at my sisters funeral but I don't remember any of it, don't remember the day's and weeks afterwards
There's all these things other people remember but I don't
Anyway the new memories one is of me sitting alone in an out building, there's my uncles dog which was female and me were both scared, me more than the dog something is happening outside
And the other is I'm in the stable with a horse and in the hay, the horse is sniffing me, but for some reason I didn't want her to be drawing attention to me
So the vain is hiding/being alone, within a particular age range
Which is nothing to do with what I was talking to my friend about
But for what ever reason it's raised this period of my life and for once I feel ready to re visit it
I'm a little fearful of where it will take me,
It's also around this time my cousin F came to live permanently with my grandparents it's some years before he raped me but
When I disclosed one of my brothers that's just a bit older than me told police that on one occasion our cousin had been sleeping in the same room as both of us and had attempted to show us dirty magazines and had shown us his penis, but that's the only time he was aware of
I had forgotten that until he raised it
I remember being a bit older and my cousin F used to tell me not to look somewhere but being a kid I'd look and I'd find a dirty magazine or photos, or one time a hand gun he always just laughed when he caught me looking
I needed to share I don't have therapy for over a week
I wasn't expecting this today
Re-visiting that time in my life will take everything that iv got but may bring some peace to my soul
The triggered memories made me feel distressed and alone (old feelings) and at the time I was deeply concerned for my friend (new feelings)
Accumulated into my inability to do what I was meant to be doing, the inability to manage my emotions effectively
Which usually leads to me in putting a crappy coping mechanism so I decided to write instead
Suppose its a day in the life of a survivor
And tomorrow is another day
Just tell me I'm not alone, or I'm not just a hot mess lol or something
There's hope right?
Peace HL