Dont know how to start

Dont know how to start
M

mh

Registrant
Ok. I don't really know where to start. I told my wife of 5 years that I had been used by an uncle several times about 20 years ago. For some reason it has bubbled up again and I have been having trouble packing it back away. I had wanted to tell her, but was afraid she would never see me the same. I've never told anyone. Things have been getting bad in the relationship and about 3 weeks ago it came out. I don't know why. just like an earlier post said, she didnt seem surprised. She said it all made sense and understood why I was the way I was. I never realised it until then. 20 odd years of trying to be a machine. I dont know where to go from here. I found this forum and thought I would give it a try. Much easier being anonymous. Wife is the only person I've ever talked to about this. It was hard, embarassing. I still cant tell anyone else. She thinks it has a lot to do with problems we've had. She is usually right. I thought that this may open me up some. I felt lighter after telling her. Sorry for the rambling post. Wanted to get it out. I'll check back.
mh
 
Ah, MH, it is too bad that I got to you first. The wise ones will talk to you later. Aden just made me an emotional basket case with his very wise post. (I take that back, I became an emotional basket case on my own. Aden bears no responsibility for that.) I am always amazed at how we all kept this thing to ourselves before we were absolutely forced to tell someone or we would explode. It's good that you're here, MH, and it's good that you told your wife and it's good that you're going to start telling us, because I hope you're going to start telling us. You've held it in for so long and this is the place to get all of that poison out of there. Just clean it all out, so that you can replace it with some good stuff. There are guys here who can help you through every phase of this thing. You will be amazed at their wisdom, really. I have been. I, on the other hand, have very little wisdom, but will be more than willing to hold your hand while you cry.
 
She thinks it has a lot to do with problems we've had.
Click to expand...
She is %100 on target with that one friend.

For years I had a lot of pain and had no idea it was connected to my abuse. I lost one marriage and had a drinking problem. I used to look out the window while I was crying and had no idea why, boy that was so hard, I have a house, a beautiful wife, two great kids, and still for some reason I was still sad.

There is hope for you though if you work really hard.

You can read my story by clicking here.

Hang in there,
 
MH sexual abuse not delt with affects every aspect of our lives. I did nothing about it fo 40 years. It ruined a great career in a Chartered Bank (had this problem with authority) It really screwed up intimacy with my wife (been married to this wonderful woman for 38 years). It made me not trust anyone who wanted to be my friend (there was a hidden agenda). I spent 3 years as a male prostitute (shitty experience). I fluctuated between Bulimia and Anorexia ( body thing). I am a non practicing alcoholic (no booze since October 1976). I was a heroin addict while I was on the street (crazy death wish I guess). Anger was rage. Fear was terror and interaction with others was difficult. My life was a total lie for 40 years. I was what anyone wanted me to be. I did not know who I was but whoever that was he was despicable and dirty.

Does any of this sound familiar? It affects everything when we do not deal with it.

You have told your wife. I would also recommend a good therapist. Here are some URLS to look at.

https://www.malesurvivor.org/Resource%20Directory/index.htm

and
https://www.malesurvivor.org/Survivors/Adult%20Survivors/Articles/singer1.htm

Welcome here. I am sure it is reassuring to know that you are no longer alone and are not a freak.
 
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