Doing What It Takes to Survive
On the battlefield, soldiers with injuries that would have to cause intense physical pain fight on
and even drag wounded friends to safety, apparently oblivious & numbed to their own injuries & the pain until they are safe ie know they will survive. No way they coulda stopped to care for their wounds while under attack.
"Attention to ones' wounds in an acute survival emergency could well impede survival behavior."
When those planes hit the Twin Towers on 9-11-01, an amazing number of people not only survived but helped other people to safety as well, blocking out or dissociating from their pain until survival was reasonably well assured. To have stopped to care for wounds as the towers were crumbling would have meant certain death.
"Attention to ones' wounds in an acute survival emergency could well impede survival behavior."
When I suffered the attacks of sexual & other abuse as a child, I was severely injured both physically & psychically. But by & large I dissociated from the painful events, unknowingly numbing myself to them, often by acting out (of) what had happened to me in various sexual & other ways, some not always apparently healthy.
It was what I had to do to survive, somehow find my way off the battlefield to safety, and also keep my little brother safe.
"Attention to ones' wounds in an acute survival emergency could well impede survival behavior."
My problem has been that of many combat veterans, disaster survivors, and other survivors of abuse: the problem of never having completed & recovered from the "freeze".
According to Dr. Robert C. Scaer (and an increasing number of doctors & workers in the trauma field), animals under attack by predators have a fight-flight-freeze survival response.
They will try to flee or fight back until caught, then they will freeze, "playing possum" in a literal last-gasp attempt to survive by dissociating from the pain of the attack, "hoping"
it will end before they do.
Sometimes, inexplicably, or becuz predators are somehow distracted or themselves attacked, the freeze works and the predator leaves, leaving the prey alive.
When this happens, invariably, instinctively, the survivor "will arouse & begin to tremble...
[resembling] the last act of the animal before freezing--the act of running...an unconscious attempt to complete the act of survival, as if the last protective motor or muscular activity is locked in unconscious procedural memory and needs to be released, or completed...
This...may persist for several minutes, and is usually terminated by a series of deep, sighing breaths. The animal at this point will usually arouse fully, regain its feet, often stagger a bit, shake itself, and then run off, apparently none the worse for its life-threatening experience.
Long-term observations of such animals do not seem to show any harmful effects..." ("The Body Bears the Burden: Trauma, Dissociation and Disease," Dr. Robert C. Scaer, p 18).
Scaer goes on to point out how traumatized people
becuz of the training of human logic, emotional inhibitions, societal norms, the desire to be acceptable ("look good", not "make a scene") often
do not perform the freeze discharge our animal friends do. (p 20)
We are much more inclined to stay in shock, dissociated & numbed out, acting out in a vain & misguided attempt to unfreeze ourselves. Even tho we go back & onto some kind of "normal" life, we never really shake it off & thaw out.
"The truncated ["with end removed: shortened by having a part cut off or removed"] freeze discharge appears to be the physiological event that inititates the central nervous system changes leading to post-traumatic stress disorder. Many of those chronic diseases that seem to be most common, and which the field of allopathic ["of the treatment of a disease by using remedies whose effects differ from those produced by that disease. This is the principle of mainstream medical practice..."] medicene has been most ineffective in treating, may well have their roots in the insidious systemic effects of traumatization."
"Until that act of flight or self defense has been completed, therefore, the 'survival brain'
may continue to perceive that the threat continues
to exist, and is unable to relegate it to memory as a past experience [especially if it's fuzzy in or dissociated from your memory anyway]." (p 21)
Again, "Attention to one's wounds in an acute survival emergency could well impede survival behavior."
"[The] phenomenon of pain modulation in stress by endorphins may contribute to one of the more bizarre and at times confusing behaviors of victims of trauma: the seemingly subconcious need to reexperience the traumatic event." (p 86)
In short, the endorphins that helped dissociate & numb my pain & help me survive till I could escape
the abuse have been still working at numbing me, as expressed in acting out & numbing out sexual & emotional behaviors.
Why? Becuz I got so numb & dissociated to the abuse I couldn't remember it to escape from it. I still had not escaped, but was still trapped in my abusive past, still frozen in abuse.
Why? Becuz, partly due to the continuation of the abuse over time, partly due to the abuse being covered up & silenced, I never did my freeze discharge. I never fully aroused from & shook off the abuse; never ran away free from it.
This is what I finally began to do about 2 years ago when I began recovery as memories of abuse came to the surface and I began to shake them off via therapy, medication, reading, writing, support
& overall recovery work.
It is a process in which I must be patient. After all I have been frozen virtually all but the last two of my 46 years of life.
Sometimes, intentionally or not, I find myself trying to shake loose too quickly & forcefully. This results in a kind of collapse or re-freezing likely a reflexive survival defense mechanism, which is no longer a particularly healthy thing.
This is what I call "shutting down" which my body & to a great degree my mind has actually done a few times in the last few years.
"One of the most persistent and debilitating symptoms is that of profound and pervasive fatigue, both cognitive and physical. With ongoing cognitive [or physical] demands, patients will "shut down" and be unable to continue with high level or sometimes even routine cognitive [or
physical] activity." (p 30)
For over a week now, I've been in the early stages
of such a shut-down. This is due to many factors including a big schedule change & increase in activity (tho a healthy one I'm convinced), dealing with some tough issues that had to be dealt with, a stomach bug that caused as often happens a flareup in my fibro pain and my chronic fatigue.
However knowledge & awareness are powerful, and so
far I have avoided the kind of total shutdown I've
not had in over a year now.
However I am learning more & more the value of slowing down & pacing myself.
I am grateful for the help & support here which helps me so much with this.
Men, do what it takes to survive now, not what it used to take. Do what it takes to survive and start unfreezing. But take your own time and take it easy on yourself.
Victor
and even drag wounded friends to safety, apparently oblivious & numbed to their own injuries & the pain until they are safe ie know they will survive. No way they coulda stopped to care for their wounds while under attack.
"Attention to ones' wounds in an acute survival emergency could well impede survival behavior."
When those planes hit the Twin Towers on 9-11-01, an amazing number of people not only survived but helped other people to safety as well, blocking out or dissociating from their pain until survival was reasonably well assured. To have stopped to care for wounds as the towers were crumbling would have meant certain death.
"Attention to ones' wounds in an acute survival emergency could well impede survival behavior."
When I suffered the attacks of sexual & other abuse as a child, I was severely injured both physically & psychically. But by & large I dissociated from the painful events, unknowingly numbing myself to them, often by acting out (of) what had happened to me in various sexual & other ways, some not always apparently healthy.
It was what I had to do to survive, somehow find my way off the battlefield to safety, and also keep my little brother safe.
"Attention to ones' wounds in an acute survival emergency could well impede survival behavior."
My problem has been that of many combat veterans, disaster survivors, and other survivors of abuse: the problem of never having completed & recovered from the "freeze".
According to Dr. Robert C. Scaer (and an increasing number of doctors & workers in the trauma field), animals under attack by predators have a fight-flight-freeze survival response.
They will try to flee or fight back until caught, then they will freeze, "playing possum" in a literal last-gasp attempt to survive by dissociating from the pain of the attack, "hoping"
it will end before they do.
Sometimes, inexplicably, or becuz predators are somehow distracted or themselves attacked, the freeze works and the predator leaves, leaving the prey alive.
When this happens, invariably, instinctively, the survivor "will arouse & begin to tremble...
[resembling] the last act of the animal before freezing--the act of running...an unconscious attempt to complete the act of survival, as if the last protective motor or muscular activity is locked in unconscious procedural memory and needs to be released, or completed...
This...may persist for several minutes, and is usually terminated by a series of deep, sighing breaths. The animal at this point will usually arouse fully, regain its feet, often stagger a bit, shake itself, and then run off, apparently none the worse for its life-threatening experience.
Long-term observations of such animals do not seem to show any harmful effects..." ("The Body Bears the Burden: Trauma, Dissociation and Disease," Dr. Robert C. Scaer, p 18).
Scaer goes on to point out how traumatized people
becuz of the training of human logic, emotional inhibitions, societal norms, the desire to be acceptable ("look good", not "make a scene") often
do not perform the freeze discharge our animal friends do. (p 20)
We are much more inclined to stay in shock, dissociated & numbed out, acting out in a vain & misguided attempt to unfreeze ourselves. Even tho we go back & onto some kind of "normal" life, we never really shake it off & thaw out.
"The truncated ["with end removed: shortened by having a part cut off or removed"] freeze discharge appears to be the physiological event that inititates the central nervous system changes leading to post-traumatic stress disorder. Many of those chronic diseases that seem to be most common, and which the field of allopathic ["of the treatment of a disease by using remedies whose effects differ from those produced by that disease. This is the principle of mainstream medical practice..."] medicene has been most ineffective in treating, may well have their roots in the insidious systemic effects of traumatization."
"Until that act of flight or self defense has been completed, therefore, the 'survival brain'
may continue to perceive that the threat continues
to exist, and is unable to relegate it to memory as a past experience [especially if it's fuzzy in or dissociated from your memory anyway]." (p 21)
Again, "Attention to one's wounds in an acute survival emergency could well impede survival behavior."
"[The] phenomenon of pain modulation in stress by endorphins may contribute to one of the more bizarre and at times confusing behaviors of victims of trauma: the seemingly subconcious need to reexperience the traumatic event." (p 86)
In short, the endorphins that helped dissociate & numb my pain & help me survive till I could escape
the abuse have been still working at numbing me, as expressed in acting out & numbing out sexual & emotional behaviors.
Why? Becuz I got so numb & dissociated to the abuse I couldn't remember it to escape from it. I still had not escaped, but was still trapped in my abusive past, still frozen in abuse.
Why? Becuz, partly due to the continuation of the abuse over time, partly due to the abuse being covered up & silenced, I never did my freeze discharge. I never fully aroused from & shook off the abuse; never ran away free from it.
This is what I finally began to do about 2 years ago when I began recovery as memories of abuse came to the surface and I began to shake them off via therapy, medication, reading, writing, support
& overall recovery work.
It is a process in which I must be patient. After all I have been frozen virtually all but the last two of my 46 years of life.
Sometimes, intentionally or not, I find myself trying to shake loose too quickly & forcefully. This results in a kind of collapse or re-freezing likely a reflexive survival defense mechanism, which is no longer a particularly healthy thing.
This is what I call "shutting down" which my body & to a great degree my mind has actually done a few times in the last few years.
"One of the most persistent and debilitating symptoms is that of profound and pervasive fatigue, both cognitive and physical. With ongoing cognitive [or physical] demands, patients will "shut down" and be unable to continue with high level or sometimes even routine cognitive [or
physical] activity." (p 30)
For over a week now, I've been in the early stages
of such a shut-down. This is due to many factors including a big schedule change & increase in activity (tho a healthy one I'm convinced), dealing with some tough issues that had to be dealt with, a stomach bug that caused as often happens a flareup in my fibro pain and my chronic fatigue.
However knowledge & awareness are powerful, and so
far I have avoided the kind of total shutdown I've
not had in over a year now.
However I am learning more & more the value of slowing down & pacing myself.
I am grateful for the help & support here which helps me so much with this.
Men, do what it takes to survive now, not what it used to take. Do what it takes to survive and start unfreezing. But take your own time and take it easy on yourself.
Victor
