Does It Happen to You?

Does It Happen to You?
B

Bobby

Registrant
I have to write this right now. It just happened again and I'm trying to separate what's a result of my SA and what's just a result of being weird ole me.

I'll be sitting doing something else and it will hit me. It's this thing, this like wave of depression that comes out of nowhere and passes through my brain. I'm not thinking about anything at all, at least not my SA. Tonight I was playing cards with my wife when it came passing through. I think what I've said is the only way to describe it....a wave of some kind....a feeling in my head....the same feeling I have when I am once again in the clutches of whatever it is we're in the clutches of when we're dealing full out with our SA. But it just passes through like it's saying, "Just wanted to remind you that I'm still here when you want to talk some more. Don't forget me." And it happens so often that I have begun to accept it as a part of my life and don't even particularly notice it any more. I just accept it as a part of all of the rest of this.

Now my question is: Is this a part of my bi-polar disorder, a part of my personality, or is this a part of my SA? I really would appreciate some feedback if anyone has an opinion.

There's another thing I do that has become commonplace with me. People's stories run through my head sometimes. There seems to be no rhyme or reason for it. All of a sudden I will see one of you as a child and see your story being played out in my head. Again, I have come to accept it as a part of all of this, so I don't over-react, or react at all really. It's just strange. And I don't react outwardly to it. I have already had my emotional reaction the first time that I read it.

Like today, I was eating breakfast out at a little neighborhood restaurant and Charlie's story started to play in my head. I was having a nice time with my wife and ordering and eating and in the back of my mind, Charlie's story was playing out. I even almost said something to my wife about it, but then I thought, how weird would that be? We're just sitting here eating our breakfast and I start talking about someone's child abuse story. They play in my head for awhile after I read them. It's almost as though it takes me a couple of days to process them.

Same question: Do any of you do that?

Let me know. Thanks, Bobby
 
Bobby - Sometimes this happens with me, too. I am on Prozac for depression that is kind of a family inheritance thing but has its moments from the past abuse. I am pretty good at recognizing the symptoms and take IMEDIATE action like refocusing on a tune that's playing, planning out an upcoming seminar, pick up a book or change the conversation to a really up-beat experience I can share. I find if I can occupy my mind on something else - THEN two things can't occupy the same space at the same time. However, if I detect it intensifies because I'm under stress or gettibng anxious over some similar situation in the present, I take a deep breath (cleansing breath) and take control of the stress, refocus my mind and just go on. I used to worry about this condition but all that did was cause stress and make it harder for me to refocus and redirect my thinking. Hope this helps you, Bobby!

Howard
 
Bobby,

The same thing happens to me. Sometimes I'll be minding my own business and a thought, a memory or someone else's story from the forum will just hit me. I start to tear-up at the injustice and pain - more often than not this happens when I am alone or sitting at my desk. The depression rarely ever lasts but the day is tinged by those sad thoughts. Maybe there is some affirmation or journaling we are supposed to do when this happens...
You're not alone.

John
 
Bobby,

I have the same thing happen to me at times now. What's weird is, it happens more frequently than it did before I started dealing with this. I was planting a garden this weekend, and by the end of the day Saturday, I had run so many thoughts through my head, until I washed up and drank a beer and 5 glasses of wine. I couldn't help the depression! Of course I realize that alcohol is a depressant, but when I drink a lot and then go to sleep, it worked for me.

Sunday I was working in the yard with my wife, and I began worrying about a friend of mine who is out of the country and just had ANTOHER death in his family. Now there is not a damn thing I can do for this friend, except write him emails, but I know he is hurting. As a result, I got depressed again. I got mad at God for picking on this young man and his family. But this time, I played it off and acted fine. I learned to do that when I was young to keep anyone from asking me questions. I deserve an Oscar. I only had 2 glasses of wine with dinner last night, so I guess I'm improving.

I think, Bobby, that we have kept this stuff suppressed for so long until now that we are letting it out, it comes out whenever and wherever I mean I was actually tearing up Saturday with the "Poor Rich blues" and I rarely EVER cry. And you are right, it comes in waves! There is no better description of it. I know this doesn't answer why it happens, but at least you know that you are not alone. Sometimes that is comfort for me. Bobby, I don't want you to think that 'misery loves company', but sometimes it's good to know that you aren't the only one that this sort of stuff happens to.
 
Bobby
I know that the mind has it own way of working and sometime we don't have total control or it.

My wife thinks that I spend too much time here reading and that I get all raped up in other SA,
All I can tell her is that this place helps me heal.When the storys and post start poping up in my mind I just keep it all to myself.

Can't share this with my wife because her repose would be . "How long is this going to last,can't you just put it behind you."
I don't know how long it will last put I do need to deal with it now. No hiding from it now
Tom
 
I am like most of you with thoughts. Most of the time I can disregard them. However, there are times when I catch myself thinking about them too much. Even at times when I catch myself in the middle of looking at porn I stop and think back over the day to see what could have caused me to look at the sites again. Often times it is in looking at someone too long during the day. People say it is normal to look and observe and enjoy the beauty of a sexual being. Well said, but if we dwell on it what usually happens in my case is I find myself immersed in looking at porn that night. Then follows the guilt and shame. Because I am aware of these feelings now at least I feel that I am making progress because it used to be that I would lose control and not stop until I was involved in acting out the possible act. Maybe not physically but mentally. The mountain is big but it can be conquered one step at a time.
 
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