Does it ever quit hurting? (triggers?
I've been here for a couple of weeks now and realy haven't said much about myself. Briefly
Does it ever quit hurting? (triggers?
- Thread starterWalkingSouth
- Start date
Well, that got posted without my wanting it to. Let me continue.
In brief, I was Sexualy abused by a teenage neighbor boy when I was 6 1/2 years old through age 10. My parents especially my mother were emotionaly and on occasion physically abusive to me.
I have been in recovery for 2 years now while going through individual and group therapy along with mairrage counseling. There are times when I feel really good about things and then come times like yesterday when it hurts so bad that I can hardly function.
Does it ever quit hurting? I feel like it should, but it doesn't. I feel like if I avoid going where the hurt is then I am avoiding the issues that I need to continue dealing with. But I get so tired of the pain.
I do know this, I will take the pain any day over the rage that was in my life for so many years before I began to remember the events of my childhood.
So maybe I should just be thankful and get on with things. I have thought often about the Eagles song "Get Over It" and thought maybe that should be my theme.
I would appreciate any input you guys can give me. I have come to love and respect you in the short time I've been here.
John
In brief, I was Sexualy abused by a teenage neighbor boy when I was 6 1/2 years old through age 10. My parents especially my mother were emotionaly and on occasion physically abusive to me.
I have been in recovery for 2 years now while going through individual and group therapy along with mairrage counseling. There are times when I feel really good about things and then come times like yesterday when it hurts so bad that I can hardly function.
Does it ever quit hurting? I feel like it should, but it doesn't. I feel like if I avoid going where the hurt is then I am avoiding the issues that I need to continue dealing with. But I get so tired of the pain.
I do know this, I will take the pain any day over the rage that was in my life for so many years before I began to remember the events of my childhood.
So maybe I should just be thankful and get on with things. I have thought often about the Eagles song "Get Over It" and thought maybe that should be my theme.
I would appreciate any input you guys can give me. I have come to love and respect you in the short time I've been here.
John
John - Welcome. Sorry you need this place but, since you need, this is the place to be. Sounds like you've been working on your issues and aware of them for some time. Good for you!! And good for posting too, as you've seen, there are lots of good people here with a lot to offer. So stick around.
Now, about whether or not it ever stops hurting, I'm guessing no. I do know this, the hurt gets smaller. Some days it ceases completely. Other days can be terribly taxing and difficult. About two years ago (almost to the day) I was spinning out of control. I almost never see days like that anymore, but they do rear their ugly heads from time to time. It's helpful for me that I have a good support system, a good therapist and a patient wife. And the work I've done over time has taught me much about where those difficult times come from, what they're about and how to handle them better.
So I guess, for me, the pain has not completely gone away, maybe it never will. I actually find some comfort in that. I'll always have a reminder of how I got to be the man I am and the challenges I've faced to get here.
As for "Get Over It", not one of the better works by the Eagles and, unfortunately, not an option for us survivors. I think I can tell you already know this, but there is no getting over it, it just doesn't work that way.
Glad to meet you. = Peace - John
Now, about whether or not it ever stops hurting, I'm guessing no. I do know this, the hurt gets smaller. Some days it ceases completely. Other days can be terribly taxing and difficult. About two years ago (almost to the day) I was spinning out of control. I almost never see days like that anymore, but they do rear their ugly heads from time to time. It's helpful for me that I have a good support system, a good therapist and a patient wife. And the work I've done over time has taught me much about where those difficult times come from, what they're about and how to handle them better.
So I guess, for me, the pain has not completely gone away, maybe it never will. I actually find some comfort in that. I'll always have a reminder of how I got to be the man I am and the challenges I've faced to get here.
As for "Get Over It", not one of the better works by the Eagles and, unfortunately, not an option for us survivors. I think I can tell you already know this, but there is no getting over it, it just doesn't work that way.
Glad to meet you. = Peace - John
John - I don't think I'll be able to tell you whether or not we 'get over it' until I am sat in my rocking chair.
I can though, tell you that we do get much wiser as to WHO IS TO BLAME - not us. That's the starting point.
We do get stronger - posting here is a big step....this is where we learn to walk again!
Best wishes ...Rik
I can though, tell you that we do get much wiser as to WHO IS TO BLAME - not us. That's the starting point.
We do get stronger - posting here is a big step....this is where we learn to walk again!
Best wishes ...Rik
Thanks for the reply. I guess then the work I need to do is to begin to understand a bit more about what causes those "difficult times and how to handle them better". At this point I'm not sure I know, or if I do know, I don't know how to make the connection between what I know and what I feel. Does that make sense?
As regards the Eagles song "Get Over It", yes, I really did know the answer to that question but it felt awfully good to have someone else that knows what I've been through verify it for me. That song angered me when I heard it a few days ago. I know I've heard it many times before but never actually listened to it till the other day. It's not like I am trying to wear what happened to my around like a badge for everybody to look at. I'm not trying to make every one feel sorry for me. I just want everyone to know what an awful thing SA is. If I can help one person avoid it happening to them or if I can be of help to someone that has experienced what I have, then it takes a little of my pain and turns it into victory. "Get Over It"? That probably won't happen but I can take these lemons and make lemonade.
Thanks John, Andrew, and Rick.
Courage,
John
John,
No, the pain never goes away completely, but I can tell you how I deal with it.
When I hurt, from someting I saw or read, and remember what happened, I embrace the pain. Yes, I welcome and embrace the pain and the hurt. Why? because it is coming from me. It migh have been caused by a perp, but it is My pain. As long as I feel it, I have the victory because I remember. I remember what happened, and nobody can take that away.
Also, you mentioned helping others. This is a super great way to ease your pain. Helped so much when I found people who had gone through SA. I could cry with them, laugh with them, and most of all, I could share my burden with them.
Please do that here. Share your pain. Let all of us here carry that weight with you. Release the pain that hurts too much to hold onto.
No, the pain never goes away completely, but I can tell you how I deal with it.
When I hurt, from someting I saw or read, and remember what happened, I embrace the pain. Yes, I welcome and embrace the pain and the hurt. Why? because it is coming from me. It migh have been caused by a perp, but it is My pain. As long as I feel it, I have the victory because I remember. I remember what happened, and nobody can take that away.
Also, you mentioned helping others. This is a super great way to ease your pain. Helped so much when I found people who had gone through SA. I could cry with them, laugh with them, and most of all, I could share my burden with them.
Please do that here. Share your pain. Let all of us here carry that weight with you. Release the pain that hurts too much to hold onto.
Thanks Darkheart,
Your suggestion reminded me of something that happened during one of my group therapy sessions. Looking back on it I think it was the most important "YES" moment of my recovery. I think I need to remember it more often than I do.
What happened and what I shared with the group was it suddenly dawned on me that "Everything that ever happened to me be it good or bad, combined with my genetics, makes up the person that I am today. I cannot just remove any of those things and survive as an individual. It is WHO I am. The best thing I can hope to do is learn from my experiences, and using them, become the person that I want to be."
Wow! This has been another "YES" moment. I sort of forgot about that happening in group. My CSA puts me in a unique position of being able to help other victims in a way that very few other folk can (present company excluded). While I wish with all my heart that it did not happen to me, since it did I will NOT shirk my duty to the rest of you out there to help. I have a couple of quotes in my "Quote Library" that I think say it better than I can.
Some things you just cant fix as much as you would like too. No super hero can show up and make it better. No magic can undo the damage done. All that a friend can do is be there and listen, help the fallen get up, dust themselves off and find their way back into the light from the darkness.
I now understand one of God's truths more clearly: Our pain is not wasted when we can reach around and comfort another coming along behind us on the same path.
I have no source for either of those quotes. They were sent to me by a friend and I kept them because I thought they were good. I think they have more meaning to me right now than they ever did before. I hope some of you might find them helpful also.
I cannot hope to change the past. The only thing in my control is right now, and If I make the right decisions now I can have a tremendous impact on the future.
YES, YES, YES! YES! YES!
Love you guys,
John
P.S. Would somebody please remind me to go back and read this if and when I start whining about things in the future. PLEASE!
Your suggestion reminded me of something that happened during one of my group therapy sessions. Looking back on it I think it was the most important "YES" moment of my recovery. I think I need to remember it more often than I do.
What happened and what I shared with the group was it suddenly dawned on me that "Everything that ever happened to me be it good or bad, combined with my genetics, makes up the person that I am today. I cannot just remove any of those things and survive as an individual. It is WHO I am. The best thing I can hope to do is learn from my experiences, and using them, become the person that I want to be."
Wow! This has been another "YES" moment. I sort of forgot about that happening in group. My CSA puts me in a unique position of being able to help other victims in a way that very few other folk can (present company excluded). While I wish with all my heart that it did not happen to me, since it did I will NOT shirk my duty to the rest of you out there to help. I have a couple of quotes in my "Quote Library" that I think say it better than I can.
Some things you just cant fix as much as you would like too. No super hero can show up and make it better. No magic can undo the damage done. All that a friend can do is be there and listen, help the fallen get up, dust themselves off and find their way back into the light from the darkness.
I now understand one of God's truths more clearly: Our pain is not wasted when we can reach around and comfort another coming along behind us on the same path.
I have no source for either of those quotes. They were sent to me by a friend and I kept them because I thought they were good. I think they have more meaning to me right now than they ever did before. I hope some of you might find them helpful also.
I cannot hope to change the past. The only thing in my control is right now, and If I make the right decisions now I can have a tremendous impact on the future.
YES, YES, YES! YES! YES!
Love you guys,
John
P.S. Would somebody please remind me to go back and read this if and when I start whining about things in the future. PLEASE!
I was raped when I was 18 .While I was servimg in the Army . I have had good days and bad days You will neaver be 100% over the trama . but as time goes by it will be a little easyer .But it takes time a lot of time . But you will allways have some memorys that will stick with you .
I have a verry supporting wife that has tryed to help me . The pain will become less severe .
I have a verry supporting wife that has tryed to help me . The pain will become less severe .
Grunty1967b
Registrant
John,
My CSA was hidden in my mind until I was 20, then I 'worked' on it for, oh, 6 weeks and everything was then ok. NOT!!!
I stuffed it away in a corner of my mind for years but it kept leaching into my mind and afffecting my whole life in ways I didn't know about and wasn't aware about.
Then I stumbled across this site. I wasn't looking for it - trust me! To not have to think about all this stuff (seems) much easier. But in my short time here it has been so AMAZING and HELPFUL and SUPPORTIVE. I can share things here that I never have and I can be completely understood, loved and accepted. That is just awesome and although it often hurts I know it's helping big time, and I too have a desire to [one day] be able to help others in a more structured way.
Until then, and probably even then, I'll be here, growing, sharing, crying and getting better day by day. Stay here John and involve yourself at whatever level you can - even if it's just reading some posts from time to time. It all helps. And, welcome!
...Bruce
My CSA was hidden in my mind until I was 20, then I 'worked' on it for, oh, 6 weeks and everything was then ok. NOT!!!
I stuffed it away in a corner of my mind for years but it kept leaching into my mind and afffecting my whole life in ways I didn't know about and wasn't aware about.
Then I stumbled across this site. I wasn't looking for it - trust me! To not have to think about all this stuff (seems) much easier. But in my short time here it has been so AMAZING and HELPFUL and SUPPORTIVE. I can share things here that I never have and I can be completely understood, loved and accepted. That is just awesome and although it often hurts I know it's helping big time, and I too have a desire to [one day] be able to help others in a more structured way.
Until then, and probably even then, I'll be here, growing, sharing, crying and getting better day by day. Stay here John and involve yourself at whatever level you can - even if it's just reading some posts from time to time. It all helps. And, welcome!
...Bruce
Yes, it can go away. It takes time and work, but it can.
You and the others may not believe it, but I live it and know it to be true.
You and the others may not believe it, but I live it and know it to be true.
I'm finding that different parts do heal. My hurt has been greatly healed, but now I am facing my outrage. My negative behaviors and compulsions come and go and I can now say no more often. My wife keeps reminding me to be patient with myself and to let time and awareness be the main portion of my work. I want it over now, but that's abusing myself and not respecting where I've been or who I am - it will take time.