Does it ever get better?

Does it ever get better?
F

FlyWM

Registrant
I feel so confused lately, new memories, not only was I abused by adults, I was betrayed by two of my very best friends, I don't know what to think I am still numb at times, I have Dissciative Identity Disorder, and that just serves to further complicate things. I want so much to know why this has happened to me, why have so many people seen me as less than human, and why did they make me believe I am so worthless? But I know there is no answer to these questions, but I still feel so dirty, and ashamed, and used, these feelings are almost debilitating at times. SO I guess my question to you guys is, do these feelings ever get better? Can I ever truly heal? Or am I doomed to live as a shell as I have for all my life?

I heard a song the other day that had the line "I smile when I'm crying," and I feel so much that, I have a facade that everyone in the 'real world' sees, but I am falling apart inside. I may show the coll collected totally together guy on the outside, but inside I am crying nearly all the time, and am crumbling, all the abuse damaged me then, and is still putting mer through hell, does it ever get any better? Since I started dealing with all this all it has done is gotten worse, so does it ever get better?

scott
 
Scott:

YES.

Resoundingly, resolutely, refreshingly...

YES. It gets better.

As a very dear person once paraphrased for me in a dark hour:

"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. But first, of course, it will make you miserable for a little while."

Scott, turn to your brothers on this site, hang in there, believe that YOU ARE WORTHWHILE, (because you @#$&%()! well ARE worthwhile), and try your best to do good things for yourself and for some other person. It helps me, at least.

I don't know you personally, man, but I believe in your inherent worth as a person, and the fact that you were abused and/or poorly treated cannot and simply will not change that.

You're in my thoughts tonight, Scott. It gets better, a bit at a time, brighter and brighter.

Peace,

Kurt
 
scott,
this is so tragic that we all suffer this so repeatedly. i have forced myself to be numb the last few weeks because of everything involved so far this last few months. as i was reading your post an image came to me. nick nolte is one of my favorite character actors. one of his early films is one i never seen but the story and the title has stayed with me. he is just starting out his film career but this is a powerful movie according to the reports of it. he plays a vietnam vet who comes of age during his tour of duty. the film is called, "who'll stop the rain?" the image that stayed with me of this film was the scene that was cut from the film for the review of his filmography. it shows the character he plays in the jungle leaning on his rifle staring into the rain. i don't know the film in its entirety since i was never able to find it, but that image stayed with me for years. it sounds hopeless, but it is just those kind of images that give me hope for some reason. the rain keeps falling, hence the question, but the point is that the question is asked even while the rain is falling. we ask that question when in the midst of our darkest and most hopeless moments...but the fact that we can ask that question at that time point to the fact that we never lost hope. the rain will stop, scott...and it is always followed by the promise of hope in the horizon, the rainbow.
 
Scott,

Yes, things get better. One of the ways things got better in my life is when I finally quit asking myself 'Why?'. It's a question that I could never answer and was driving me 'crazier'. I've been dealing with my abuse issues for six years now after staying silent for 38 years. I believed all the lies I was told as a kid and felt so worthless. I felt that my whole life was a sham and I was a fraud. I finally feel better about myself, I still have good days and bad days, but I am getting better and I'm so much better than I was six years ago.

Take good care of yourself Scott, there is hope and there is a lot of support here from your brothers.

Steve
 
Scott,

I asked about when it would get better a while back and got some very good replies from folks. I really like what Jer's T said to him about worse vs. harder.

Look at the new thread that Harry started on our successes. It takes time but success is possible. Be honest with yourself and be gentle to yourself and your success will come.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Yes, Scott, it most DEFINITELY gets better. When you are down, just post to us here. You are NOT ALONE. And, yeah, be good to yourself, man.
RickB
 
Scott
yes !

Dave
 
Scott - it does get better. The worst part is admitting to yourself what has happened to you. Once you have done this then you can begin to move on - this will not necessarily be easy. I have only just recently admitted to myself that I was abused ( after burying it for many years)and have mow managed to communicate that to others.

When I was abused, I had recently moved schools & was seeking out a new group of friends (12 years old). A paedophile observed that I was frequently walking my dog along a given route & started the grooming process. I had no fear of adults ( he was 30+) as I had been brought up by older parents & often went on long walks with both sets of Grandparents - I trusted everyone. The abuser was friendly with local adults & therefore there was nothing suspicious from their perspective of things & in 1968 a 12 year old had no clue that such people existed or what it was that they were doing.

My abuser more or less implied that everyone went through the same process. Your experience will have been unique, but I bet there were similarities.

At the end of the day you were abused, not because you deserved it, but because you were the available person, wrong place, wrong time. As for your 2 'friends' - well if they did things to you that you did not want I think there are other terms for them.

I've only recently learned that I should not blame myself. It didn't happen to me because I was a certain type of person, it happened because some ******* spotted an opportunity.

Take care of yourself, it's not easy but you can win. Give the contempt to your abusers - they deserve it you don't.
 
Scot - I can attest that things can get better and do get better the more you release the past and fill those spaces with the fullness of today!

Howard
 
Hi.

Yes - dear fellow - it does get better. I was either abused, ignored, or abandoned by just about everyone I was surrounded by in my youth and childhood. I dissociated - and I am glad I did. It probably saved my life. If I had not dissociatd - based on how I was treated by everyone I met - I do not know what would have happened. But it would ahve either been kill me or kill them. Had I not been numb - thnat would have probably been the only seeable response to their actions.

I now thank myself for being numb. I could not have begun to have felt these feelings at any age before my subconcious wouldn't let me sleep more than 2 hours a night. It was telling me that i had to start to be me. I too had created a funny funny funny guy. (One of my teachers said to me one day - "it is not appropriate to smile all of the time. More often than not, it is unappropriate". Years after that advice I understand what she meant. When I am immersed in circumstances that are full of larger human issues than just myself, it is usually not appropriate to be smiling. And although sexual abuse is an issue I lived through for 10 years; it is also an issue that is bigger than just me.

I still find it difficult to feel anger about me. BUT, by feeling huge anger at the abuse of everyone - (at the many stories I have heard in group therapy) - and also myself - I can face forward and rage at anyone who is anything other than unkind in their behavior around me/to me. That execise - given to me about 4 years ago by a therapist - has finally started to pay off! I do fel better. I slowly am able to satnd up for myself, and not put up with anything other than kindness. I do not believe in the crap of rising above it. I meet it face on - and a few days later I feel better about how I am caring for myself - now - after all of those many years of sitting and not knowing that doing nothing - other than letting people do whatever they wanted with me was not normal.

It does get better. You are worth caring foir. One therapists put it to me like this. "If someone acted in any way that could be harmful towards my chil;d - or my lover - or my Mother - what would I do?" And I knew I would rage at anyone who ever acted without kindness towards those I love. Ands - through imagination - anyone else.

I does get better. Talking - exercising empathy - everything good you can do for yourself or others - changes the impression that the abuse forced you to have --- that people can do whatever they want to others without any concern for how it might make the other person feel. That is abuse.

To feel the pain is brave. I would not want to feel anything else when I think about it. If it happened to someone I knew, I would feel terrible pain - and anger!

Keep feeling. and take care of yourself. Care from yourself and others will build new ideas about yourself. (If they are uncaring - name them as unacceptable - and remove them from your space).

Happy new year! and many more to come!

Ash
 
well I was going to throw my 2 cents in but think Dave & Kurt (et al) said what I was thinking better then I could.
 
Scott,

I have known you for some months now, and you have known me. We know each other quite well I think. I have seen you do miraculous things in healing. Things that you do not give yourself credit for, because your mind is still stuck too much in the negative. I think you have seen some change in me. Does it get better? Well, if you replace 'it' with 'us', yes, yes we do. Does it get easier? I don't know. Do we handle it better and easier, based on practice, experience and new knowledge? Yes.

I hope this helps.

Leosha
 
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