Does anyone wonder what became of the photos an abuser took?

Does anyone wonder what became of the photos an abuser took?
Even now, putting the pictures of my little boy self up is a hard task. It weighs on me to do it, with all the possibilities of how it could be used but it's an image I'd like to reclaim bit by bit.
That was an excellent start to reclaiming your image.
 
Even now, putting the pictures of my little boy self up is a hard task. It weighs on me to do it, with all the possibilities of how it could be used but it's an image I'd like to reclaim bit by bit.
 
putting up your picture is a great start in reclaiming your image
Thank you.

I've seen some of your posts on the site before while reading old threads. It's a very strange and often unjust world we live in. But we just have to make do sometimes, and accept life for what it is. I haven't spoken to you directly before but I respect you.
 
Thank you.

I've seen some of your posts on the site before while reading old threads. It's a very strange and often unjust world we live in. But we just have to make do sometimes, and accept life for what it is. I haven't spoken to you directly before but I respect you.
yeah we have to make do sometimes and accept life for what it is. But life isn't always painless. But I like your outlook on life,
 
I remember that magazine being sold in newstands in my hometown. At the time, (being an abused kid myself) I was curious and wondered if I could get a couple of magazines. I was like 13 when I first heard. I never did go down to find out, and just as well, as it could have ended up me being trapped into posing for sex pics.
I was offered to do modeling for catalogs and newspapers but it turned out to be porn photos and movies. I was stuck in that for 1-1/2 years
 
Pictures - I've never liked my picture taken - few people understand why
It's interesting to see how many people don't like their picture being taken including me. Or how many people will not show a picture of themselves in their avatars
 
I was offered to do modeling for catalogs and newspapers but it turned out to be porn photos and movies. I was stuck in that for 1-1/2 years
How old were you then? did you have to do things with other kids too? That child porn industry is incredibly devastating to the child, and at the time, often times, the child does not even really know what damage is being done to them. If only the child could understand more, which is not really possible. Its horrible.
 
I was 14 and yes I had to do stuff with other kids and adults
 
I often wonder what happened to the pics and videos he took of me. Did he keep them to himself or share them and if so, then with who?

He's still alive but old, I sometimes wish I could contact him and ask, but what's the point? I doubt he would say anything
 
Unfortunately many did get scanned and placed on now the "dark" web. Especially if prints were passed and shared of the black and whites - the damned pedos even have kinks for the old photos without color I'm told. You should contact the police agency that was investigating at the time justice came quicker to confirm the destruction of any they had already gathered as evidence. Then do a search on this topic - I believe some current and I know formerly active members posted on it and I thought there is an agency helping guys locate and remove any images but I could be wrong.

I had no memory of photos until recently and I'm still not sure as most details I never forgot although the chronology scrambled in the 40 years between last event and my first "telling" and the additional 10 since hasn't helped clarify though research of court records and the Scout perversion files confirmed a "feeling" that I had no clear memory of and there WERE photos confirmed in that research of over 120 boys....I now have to assume I was one but no time right now to research it, no room in my concious for what I might find and as you state no one alive would recognize me from then- and if they are looking and finding them may they see the end all perps deserve quickly.
Were you ever shown the pictures taken of you when nude, or of other boys? I was once approached at a beach by a guy wanting to take nude pics of me, and at the moment, I was ready to say ok, but my friend I was with declined, and so I declined too. In one aspect, I missed the opportunity to have someone take an interest in me, even though it would have been my naked body, because I was not in a happy place in life. The pics would have given me something to "show of myself", though, I do realize now, it certainly was not appropriate. I really wished things had been so very different for me as a child growing up, and as a teen. So many things went wrong, I felt like a freak, and very much out of place. I did not really know what other boys looked like, thus my feelings of being a freak. I wish there could have been mutual, consentual nudity between me and another boy growing up, and not taken advantage of.

Where I grew up, if so called pics had been taken, I doubt very much anyone I knew, would have ever recognized me, but eventually the pics would have been in my memory haunting me, just like so many of you.

I gave away my grade 8 and 9 school year books back to my private school a number of years ago. Only 2 pics of me in them, - class pics,- but I did not want them around anymore because of the horrors that took place over those 2 years. Horrors that are not sexual in nature, but just the same, I do not really want to be reminded of them. Besides, my two boys would not be interested in them anyhow and they would most likely end up in the dumpster in years to come, so, I just gave them back to the school. There, other boys, or staff interested in what "we" looked like back in the 70's can look back.
 
Yes, I do wonder about them. I hope they somehow got lost or destroyed over the years, but that's not really reassuring. A few years ago I did come across one on the net, taken when I was 16. By that time I was over 6 feet tall, and so in the picture it really isn't obvious that I am under 18. Even so, seeing it was a shock that froze me cold. I was suddenly transported back in time, and remembered everything about that moment, how the room smelled, the temperature, everything. It was like it was happening to me all over again at that moment.
Greybeard, I can fully appreciate your feelings of being back in the moment when you saw that pic once again. I think any pic taken of us, whether clothed or not, supposedly legal or otherwise, could also be intimidating and be considered unwanted. I think the boundary of acceptability somewhat lies with the person of whom the photos are taken, however, in the case of inappropriate photos, a child of lets say 5 or 6, would not understand the vulnerabilities they are putting themselves in.

So sad, that technology that has such great wonderful potential has to get misused!
 
I was 14 and yes I had to do stuff with other kids and adults

TRIGGER WARNINGS !!!
Sorry to hear of that. Must be hard as an adult with normal sexual feelings, to differentiate between what is normal and what is not sometimes. I know I fantasize about being sexually abused, - I feel so messed up half the time I don't really know who I am. And I have never had half the stuff done to me as to many of you chaps. I don't understand why I feel this way, I've tried to put it behind, but I think again, it is the years of school yard bullying,(relentless and scared for my life almost every day, all through my elementary school years), that and the sexual abuse and bullying by my same age playmate, and what that doc did to me. I often fantasize that me along with a bunch of other kids are kidnapped, taken aboard one of the ships in port and transported to an isolated tropical island. there we have no clothes. It becomes my duty to find a way to rescue as many of the other kids as possible. It's things like that, that I hate myself for even thinking of such things, (I have left out many details), and I wish I did not have to live with them, thus, my suicide attempts. When I first felt them, I felt very unloved by my parents, and unwanted. I felt like I was just in their way. Why I did not run away, I don't know, but I was not happy at all!
 
TRIGGER TRIGGER. I know that my abuser had me pose for pictures, the quantity I'm not sure of. The things I was doing/being done to me is humilating. I've also have had to come to terms with the knowledge that after a while it became almost normal. I still have problems, (PTSD) issues with even the sound of a Polaroid camera. I am disclosing this for the first time that she'd (abuser was female) had me use a remote trigger for the camera. This was so she could capture the percise moment of my orgasm. Just about impossible she figured out later with the long exposure time of that style of camera (SX-70). So I'm also at fault. I remember crying when she showed me ones that she'd really liked. That person in the picture couldn't be me, I'd tell myself.

The thing that gives me some peace is that I don't look that way anymore. Seeing that it was 40 years ago. I don't know if they are still in circulation, but if you see a young teen wearing black woman's underwear and masturbating might be me.
I hope I don't see a young teen wearing black woman's underwear. While these pics can at the moment seem exciting, the moment rarely lasts even a moment. Then you feel all dirty inside and violated. A friend of mine said they had a poloroid and both he and I thought it would be kool to take pics of me naked. I was beginning puberty. lots of things going on as you all are aware of. Well, camera never showed up, and neither of us ever bought any film for it, so maybe he was just pulling my leg! Just as well as no pics taken, cuz I don't know if he would have shown them around at school or not. I never could really trust him.
 
By the early '70s I was already in the USAF for a couple of years so I don't recall that magazine. But I ended up in plenty of other magazines that were sold on the local newsstands in Manhattan in the early and mid '60s. They were sold in bookstores and candy shops also. I'm sure that old photos along with old magazines are still out there. You can find adult porn from the early 1900's on line so I wouldn't be surprised if old child porn is also out there.
probably is unfortunately. By the time we leave this planet, it won't matter to us anymore, what was done or whatever. It's while we are still here that we all feel so violated.
 
I was offered to do modeling for catalogs and newspapers but it turned out to be porn photos and movies. I was stuck in that for 1-1/2 years
That is hard to "read" about. What did you tell your parents? Did those people physically hurt you? I hope not. I wish I could go back in life and undo all the unjust that has occured in my childhood life, but life does not work that way. Maybe for the better!
 
That is hard to "read" about. What did you tell your parents? Did those people physically hurt you?
My stepmother wasn't home, she was in her house in Florida for the school year. I was living in the city in an apartment with three other kids. It went on every Tuesday for 1-1/2 years. Yes, I was beaten and drugged.
 
I wish I did not have to live with them, thus, my suicide attempts. When I first felt them, I felt very unloved by my parents, and unwanted. I felt like I was just in their way. Why I did not run away, I don't know, but I was not happy at all!
It's a big problem when you feel you're not loved and you just want to disappear. The problem I found with running away is where to. I didn't want to live on the streets. that's a hard life. I knew quite a few street kids that lived on the street. It wasn't something I could do. Besides, I left home when I was 13. So I didn't have to deal with my stepparents much at all. In cases like yours, it is the parents that should try suicide.
 
It's a big problem when you feel you're not loved and you just want to disappear. The problem I found with running away is where to. I didn't want to live on the streets. that's a hard life. I knew quite a few street kids that lived on the street. It wasn't something I could do. Besides, I left home when I was 13. So I didn't have to deal with my stepparents much at all. In cases like yours, it is the parents that should try suicide.
Thats a hard call. My parents never really "abused" me as such, but when I needed help with school work, my father who was a high school teacher himself, told me one evening that he was not going to help me with my school work until I showed I pulled up my socks! At that point, I was working flat out, had nothing more to give, thanks to what I now know are the post results of encephalitis, which can last for years, even if it is mild. Damn, many times I wish it had killed me outright, it stole so much from me!
 
told me one evening that he was not going to help me with my school work until I showed I pulled up my socks! At that point, I was working flat out, had nothing more to give
I could imagine that a lot of students had failed his classes also having the same attitude toward them as he had with you. Not very kind.
Damn, many times I wish it had killed me outright, it stole so much from me!
It would seem he stole a lot from you. A father that is asked to help his kid with school work and just tells him to pull up his socks is letting that kid drown
 
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