Does anyone find this happens to them?

Does anyone find this happens to them?
F

fusionoflove

Registrant
I was feeling really good last week. I had finally stopped questioning things about myself because I realized that they were put there by the attacker, not by me. My therapist wanted me to write down things that trigger panic attacks, flashbacks, etc.
Nothing of any importance did so, so I didn't. Then Saturday hit. There was a meeting at work where they wanted to us to get into the pool. A manager called it a team building exercise. I opted out and told people I didn't own a bathing suit and didn't feel like getting into the water. I realized I did it because I didn't want to feel naked around people, especially ones I don't know very well. That made me have feelings of alienation again. It didn't help that afterwards that the same manager said that people who didn't get into the pool aren't team players and that he was disappointed with them. Reinforcing the negative images I had in my head again.
Boom! All the negative images of myself that had been put into my head by the attacker returned. I had a panic attack later in the day. It made me feel hopeless. That my therapy was all for nothing and that I was nothing overall.

I remind myself that my therapy is progressing well and that each and every week is better than the last. When something like that happens though, it makes you start to question everything again. Does anyone find this happens to them and what are some coping techniques that you use to get through it? Anything would be helpful.

Thanks
 
F of L,

I absolutely hate 'team building' excercises. It all seems so phony to me. I feel so vulnerable and exposed. I don't like being around people I work with in non-work settings, I don't know what to do, how to act. I'm afraid that I might give them some excuse to ridicule me. I definitely wouldn't want to be in swimming trunks. I know that it's a self-image thing but I still wouldn't want to do it.

I've been a 'loner' most of my life and have only a few close friends and even they don't know about a lot of the internal conflicts I have. I'm getting better about these things but I still haven't reached a good level of comfort.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve
 
Fusion,

I think this is the first time we've "met." I'm sorry for what happened to you, but I'm glad you're hear and I enjoy hearing what you have to say.

You know, I've got to agree with Stephen. Whoever invented "team-building" exercises should be flogged. A Team is like a marriage or any intimate relationship. True teamwork and team spirit either happens or it doesn't. And your moronic manager didn't help matters much, either. But I suppose he can be forgiven his ignorance. It sure doesn't take away the sting, but he didn't know and wouldn't have said it if he did. I'm sure of it, especially if he BELIEVES all the rah-rah crap he espouses.

Sorry, went off on a tangent. I'm back now.

What was it the Logan/Wolverine character "X-Men" said when asked if it hurt when he popped his claws through the back of his hands? "Every time." I feel like I'm still very early in my recovery, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't question my recovery or doubt that it's happening, or have one incident that makes me take a step back. I think the key thing is what we DO when these moments happen. Do we let them stop us or do we keep moving?

Nature abhors inertia. Nature appreciates momentum. You keep the momentum going everyday, fusion. You NEVER give up. Never! And that's what we must do.

Don't doubt what you know is right. Just because this idiot didn't know and was insensitive DOESN'T mean you're not moving forward. You ARE. Every time you talk about it, go to therapy, post here, do your best to heal is a step in the right direction.

Just like your namesake scientific reaction, what happenes if the action stops? The energy stops. As long as there's fusion, there's sun, and as long as you keep on working at it and NEVER DOUBT YOUR SELF, there will be healing and recovery.

You will get there in time. I hate that part myself, but you will.

Peace and love, Stephen.

Scot
 
Fusion - one of the people that knows about my 'issues' is my manager - She actually sorted me out with a therapist.

I don't know how well you get on with your manager, but would it be possible to tell him in confidence (or is he just an arsehole?).

*On a personal level I tend to find 'Team Building Exercises' are usually introduced when the manager does not listen to his team in the first place! Usually it's the Manager that needs to go on a communications skills course, so maybe I've answered my own question.

Best wishes anyway ...Rik
 
First of all, that manager is an A-hole, and to tell those who didn't enter the pool he is disappointed in them shows that he hasn't a clue about team-builing.

If he did, he would have used you as an example of the value and necessity of varying ideas, skills, abilities, and willingness.

This isn't the SEALS for pity's sake, where everyone must be an expert in every area.

For the record, I'm all for the concept behind team-building insofar as it gives each member a sense of belonging and worth. It shouldn't be about stunts or initiations or anything that might make someone uncomfortable.

As for extra-work activities, I think anything beyond a meal together assumes too much, and even then should be optional.

Asking people to go swimming is (IMO) outrageous. I'm willing to bet there were those who didn't want to and did anyway. I respect your actions far more than theirs.

How should you have handled it? I find humor works best. I would have said, "I know you're dying to see me in a swimsuit, but I must decline." I would have then offered an alternative activity I was comfortable with.

I faced a similar situation last month. My "team" is remote. There are 11 of us in 8 locations scattered about the country and we all got together with our new manager in Atlanta last month.

Via email, pre-meeting, my manager mentioned that he was going to take pictures of the team at the meeting and was going to post them on the web pages we create and maintain.

I wrote back that I was sure he meant to say that he was going to ask the team if they minded or wished to be photographed. I then said that I do mind, and I decline to be photographed and I certainly would not give my permission to have my picture posted on-line.

I told him that I hoped this would not be a problem as I did not feel there was any further explanation required for my refusal of what was essentially a personal request.

He wrote back that of course, being photographed was voluntary and would only be done with permission. And he didn't even bring a camera.

I think you should get ahold of some very basic information about the goals of team-building and inform this pinhead manager exactly how he has failed.

Good luck. You have my sympathy working for someone like that.

Donald
 
Donald has a lot of really good points. I do not believe anyone should feel pressured to do an activity that demands touching or being touched, and I surely do not think getting in a pool is appropriate, if it is an expectation.

Ersatz experts are so ridiculous--too bad they don't have a clue about that fact though.

Bob
 
work can be a problem, because if your job almost demands something, we're talking your livelyhood.

for me it is drug testing. i work in the trucking industry and the DOT requires us to undergo testing. my abuser liked to watch me pee, as did a girl i later acted out with, and i guess that's the connection. the idea of someone outside the door, listening, just traumatizes me. the urine tests are hard, and i have almost changed jobs so i could avoid them. yet, all i have ever done is warranty claims. where would i go? i dont think it'll ever be easy for me, but i guess i get by.

i'm sorry for the set-back, but am equally sure it will pass. i think it kind of goes along with the recovery. i get in a funk, then i pull out. sometimes it takes longer than others, but somehow i always get back on track. i'm sure you will too.

in the meantime, hang in there, and take care.
 
Fusionoflove,

Donald's post is right on the money. That person who decided people should get in a pool together, who called some people "not team players" is not a manager. Maybe they are someone with the word "manager" or "lead" in their official title, but they have no clue how to help a team jell.

One thing that I read has been helpful to me. Sometimes I forget that whatever is going on right at the moment is not permanent. I forget about having made progress, about the things that are better than they were.

It helps to be aware of that trap. I don't know how to avoid it, but just recognizing that my evaluation of the situation is tainted by that helps me somehow. I need to remind myself of some of the better things I have lived and learned since I started dealing with the abuse and its effects.

Maybe something that can be helpful to you, too.

Thanks,

Joe
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top