Does anyone ever feel this way?

Does anyone ever feel this way?
W

willtobecomplete

Registrant
Does anyone ever feel the way I have been feeling? Like any time I spend on the site i feel guilty about, like "How dare you spend any time healing you, don't you know that there are more important things to do. What about your goals?" Like healing and processing isn't important in reaching goals, HELLO, healing has everything to do with reaching goals! The healthier I get the more capable i will be. The more fears and issues I work through the freer I will feel and the more energy I will have, the more damage that I undo, I more I will good will be left.
When you win over you, you win it all!
So why do I feel guilty? I think I know!
 
The more fears and issues I work through the freer I will feel and the more energy I will have, the more damage that I undo, I more I will good will be left.
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Fear is the big one. Being able to put fear aside allows us to accomplish so much more. We are suddenly much more confident and able to take risks. Peace, Andrew
 
We all feel guilt, because we cannot throw the guilt on to those who hurt us, and even if we do or did, we still feel guilt.

I think the more we get through, and face the hurt of the past, then it becomes easier, some of it needs to be addressed with a trained counsellor, and you need to be totally honest with them and explain all of your fears.

When I first came here, it was so hard to confront all these issues from the past, and sometimes it is difficult when I take in the hurt of others.

Keep your mind safe in this place, and do not dwell so much on the hurt of others, set yourself goals to achieve, and work through your own hurt, as much or as little as you feel.

It is a slow process, but you will be stronger,

ste
 
I've had these conversations with my therapist. I told him this feels like being selfish. I'm turning inwards when we're supposed to be turning outwards. But he says I've been turned outwards my entire life. I've been pleasing people, starting with my parents and the perp who basically blackmaled me to do what would please him just so he would spend time with me. We're pleasers, and it appears you may be, too. What made us be pleasers? Was it the possibility that not pleasing could result in our not getting love or approval? Did we have to earn love instead of just receive it like a parent is just supposed to love his kid? It's said that "it is necessary to think" some about ourselves.

OK, so it's a broken limb. Is it selfish to do what the doctor says, wear a splint, and stay off your leg for a while? Or it was cancer. Is it selfish to live life differently, treat yourself differently, and maybe get some surgery to get those nasty growths out before they really hurt you? I don't think so.

I've found that looking inside me has made me a much better person. I care more about people. Instead of anxiously trying to please everybody, I notice the people who have dark spots in their hearts and gravitate towards them so I can be a listening ear for them. Instead of fulfilling roles, I am more me, serving in capacities because I want to instead of because it's expected of me. I worry less about the mundane and feel more about things that matter.

I'll always have an emotional limp, probably, a scar that fades over time. But I won't have a deep, dark pain in my soul that follows me wherever I go. I will have hope. I will have deep friends instead of shallow ones. And I will be me instead of what a perp made me.

I don't think it's being selfish. It's acknowledging the truth of what's been done to us so we can heal and survive. Coming here may not be the best option I could imagine, but considering the lack of support for male survivors of abuse, it's the best option I have available to me. It reminds me to stay off my leg, to live life in a better way, so I don't get sucked back into the image my parents would prefer.

Will, it's OK to heal. The goals are still there. You'll just be a person who's healing AND reaching your goals.
 
I've learned that it is important to remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be. When I need the help, it's OK to be here. when I feel fairly strong, I still come back and try to help someone else.
It's good to have an attitude of "get on with life", but sometimes our minds and memories don't progress as quickly as we would like - there's no point in trying to force it - allow yourself to be and gently guide your emotions and your mind towards your goals.
We are a guilt-ridden group because of what happened to us - we somehow thought as kids that we were at fault and sometimes that feeling continues into adulthood.
Just remember and try to live by that saying: You are exactly where you should be.

SD
 
Again, I'm so glad that people like you (willtobecomplete) write here what you do.

I'm only new here myself and have begun to have the same thoughts too. I think that I should not be here, that I should not feel any of the things I feel and that's it's all make believe (in that I have to right to be feeling what I do because nothing bad REALLY happended to me - I'm making something out of nothing).

Well that's just not true and I know that, and I'm encourage by others like yourself, that others like yourself feel thatway too.

So, I hope you keep on posting (when you are up to it and feel like sharing). I'm trying to open up more myself also. Thanks again!
 
Originally posted by ForeverFighting:
... I told him this feels like being selfish. I'm turning inwards when we're supposed to be turning outwards. But he says I've been turned outwards my entire life. I've been pleasing people, starting with my parents and the perp who basically blackmaled me to do what would please him just so he would spend time with me. We're pleasers, and it appears you may be, too. What made us be pleasers? Was it the possibility that not pleasing could result in our not getting love or approval? Did we have to earn love instead of just receive it like a parent is just supposed to love his kid? It's said that "it is necessary to think" some about ourselves...
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I definitly understand (yes, this is essentially a "me too" post). Given a meaningfull task and a sense of purpose and I am as happy as I cam be. It seems that it is seldom that I have something that meets both those requirements. My standard mantra as I work is, "it isn't about me." I tend to think that the reason that some people go into fields where we deal with other peoples problems at an intense level is that my going this, I don't have to face me.

It is Funny, what I do on a professinal level just terrifies me on a personal level.

oops... starting to babble, just another me too post.
 
I too felt that way. But you know what. I now realize that in my life for the past 8 years the most important person in my life, with the exception of the last 2, was myself. To regain my self-respect and self-esteem and purge the demons was terribly important. Selfish?? You bet!!! But until I did that I was incapable of being a decent human being.

Now, while I am still important to me, I now recognize and cherish the importance of my Wife and Daughter, as well as some here who I have come to know in a close and pesonal way. In addition I know that each and everyone one of you here for the same reason I came is important to me.

I find that by giving back to others helps me so much in my own sense of worth.

The most amazing part is when I see someone I know becoming the Man they were supposed to be all along.
 
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