does anyon else retreat?

[markgreyblue]

a plain vent - I feel at times I wish I got more people around me -

and yet I only really want the people I love around me - my best friends -

I am looking forward to getting creative work to do -

I also feel at times - when there's real loneliness - and a cloudy head as this morning that I can't see that not having those friends around or hearing from them -
does not mean that they are not there -

I will not retreat again

to the place of the world does not care - and become a distant - angry
bean eating money saving person - that life was tortue -

but I am lonely - I am not terribly clear in myself or my needs - so at times -

I almost need a facilitator for my life -

to teach me and guide me and help me understand what the next step is -

i need to reach out - because right now -

i guess my limiation is too much -

bu that is ok -i guess

this writing helps

peace
m

 

[roadrunner]

Mark,

I think retreating is a natural defensive mechanism - it certainly is something I recall from my childhood. It helps us feel safe in an unsafe world.

I was much that same way for a long time in adulthood, and one way around this I discovered in seeking the companionship of people with whom I share interests, in my case the blues. Almost none of those people know about my abuse issues, and they don't give a damn for my academic career. For them I am just another blues guitar fanatic - it's great.

Perhaps you could find something similar in Toronto. What about photography? I bet there are clubs where you could share your passion for that with others.

We all need companionship bro. Maybe as survivors we have to work a little harder at convincing ourselves that we have something to offer. But we do - all of us.

Much love,
Larry

 

[markgreyblue]

thanks Larry - yes -

I found an online photo club

and also called the gay curling club up there too

mark (curling is a sport on the ice! it's so cool)

 

[Sinking]

Mark - Been wondering where you were. Good to see you back and feeling better. As for outdoor winter sports?? I'll watch them on TV, while sitting nest to my wood stove with a plate full of Gino's pizza rolls, preferably the pepperoni, sausage kind. Peace - John

 

[markgreyblue]

sweet heart - ! who said anything about outdoors!

inside darling - with beer and a yes - all the amenities -

lol

m

 

[markgreyblue]

LOL -

thanks for the note Sinkers -

how are you?

where are you?