Do you mourn for your child?

Do you mourn for your child?
E

EGL

Registrant
I've been looking at a picture of me when I was 6 a lot the last week (it's the only picture I have of me before then except one bad snapshot as a baby).

In my thinking while looking at it, I almost feel as though I'm mourning that child, as though he's someone else instead of me, almost like he's my son. Does that seem weird? I know it does when I say it, but it's what it feels like, as though that child is dead.
 
Eddie,

In my opinion, you are not mourning for a dead child, you are mourning for what you lost. Little Eddie is in you. From what I've read and been taught is that we have to get in touch with our little boy. And give him the love and support he lost with all of this.

I know that in my case, little Mikey (what I was called back then) realizes he is no longer alone. I talk to him. Tell him I love him. Do the things I feel he wants to do. To be the kid he never got to be.

But, as someone once said, "It is never too late to have a great childhood".

Marc
 
Eddie - I used to mourn for my inner child, however I made some pretty difficult choices fairly recently that has helped the 12 year old and 47 year old versions of myself to meet up with each other at last.

I'm not sure how long you have been here now, but you may have missed a post that I made called 'One step back - two steps forward'. It's a fairly strong post that I find emotional, but positive.

To read it, you will need to change your settings to 'Show topics from the last 60 days' - it's currently on page 5 (could soon be page 6).

I will be bringing this topic back to the top around the end of September (as promised).

Hope this helps...Rik
 
Eddie

I talk and listen to my inner child, he was hurt so bad just like you, he never got to know how to grow up as he really should, he never died, but there are a lot of things he went thru, so many fears and feelings, he was a man before his time, most kids long to be the man, but we just wanted the child to be the child, alas it was not to be.

My child is always there within, I have gone back with him and tried to fix the broken dreams, I take him back to the good times, the times I can remember, but you also have to go thru the bad times, just to find out what really did screw him up.

I have a way of doing it, don't know if it is wise for others to do it, but it is a very interesting topic, funny you should say about the picture, but the kid is you little eddie, find him, protect him tell him you are there always, another coincidence is that I don't have many photos of my childhood, probably because I hated myself and it was hard to smile at a camera.

I can take myself back to when I first started school, I can remember it like I am there, I can remember so much up to the assault and a year or so after, then it is like a blank, maybe my mind couldn't take it dealing with the shit, it's so hard to fill in the jigswaw, but after 39 years, little bits come thru, and I piece them together, but hey you know, when the jigsaw has no picture on the box, it's easy to build the frame, much harder to fill in the rest, especially with so many pieces and no picture.

My inner child keeps me going, don't be afraid to help him and comfort him, he probably never had much comfort then and it may feel like numbness and loss to you, but if you can, let him play now, tell him you care, and he will always be protected, just as he is protecting you, maybe if you look at the picture again, you will see him asking to be acknowledged as the inner child.

I don't know I am not a therapist, it's just that I find my inner child is the only real thing that keeps me going, because we have been thru so much together, a bond that can never be broken, I am the adult now, but he will always be there, he will never go till the day I die, because he never deserved this, nor did any of us.

Eddie, if you can try and reach your inner child, tell him how much you love him and will always protect him, maybe he cries out for you, I don't know

sorry about the lengthy rambling but hope it helps

love and peace

ste
 
Rick

I will read this topic as it gives me inspiration, I could never let my inner child go as he gives me so much support, and me him.

Suppose it's why I survived

who knows

peace and love

ste
 
Mourning for things we lost is healthy and normal. When we lost our childhood from the abuse, we are may be sad, depressed and even cry. Sometimes, I believe we cry for those times that little child couldn't, wouldn't or just plain was numb!

Howard
 
I always felt like I had two distinct personalities. I doubted my sanity many times. THe "other me" I felt is myself at age 6, when I was abused. I now recognize LIttle C for who he is and was, so I no longer fear him and question my mental stability.

I have been getting to know him again after all these years. We cry together, and he is a source of strength for me. I am also trying to help him accept that the abuse was NEVER his fault. He lives in a cave, but has been out in the sun alot more as of late.

So, no, I do not mourn for his death, as he is still alive. He is damaged and fearful, but we are working on healing his many wounds. One day, I hope that he can grow up and integrate with me.
Casey
 
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