Do you Journal?

Do you Journal?
T

TeeJayUU

Registrant
Does anyone journal? Where do you write and how do you keep it safe and hidden? Do you "protect" what you say and not tell it all in case someone finds it? Does it help? How? What do you write about (SA, current feelings, flashbacks, EVRYTHING you can remember - recreate all of the abuse?) How often?

OK, I think these are enough questions for now. My gut says this might be helpful, but before I did anything I wanted advice and input and suggestions.

THANKS MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!

PEACE!!!!!!!

TJ
 
TJ,

I am new to it, but my T says it's more about just spending 10 minutes every day just writing. Especially about how you feel/felt that day. And sometimes just writing thoughts that come as you sit down to do it.

At least that's what she told me to do. I am sure others do it differently.

Peace,

Marc
 
I am not good with my journaling. I have a procrastination issue, and I am VERY slow with writing noiw that I am on 'summer' vacation.

When I do write, it is usually in the form of poetry. But I write letters and stories. The last thing I wrote was a letter to my abuser. That is how I discovered this ocean of anger I have.

When I write about the abuse, I write as if I am an onlooker, instead of the victim/survivor. I guess it helps me try to keep seperate from the abuse.
Casey
 
I do a lot of writing and have throughout my healing. Sometimes it is on this forum, sometimes it is for the column I write for the Voices newsletter and sometimes it is just kept in my computer archives. I do a lot via the keyboard just because it is sometimes difficult physically for me to write by hand. I've also got another journal which I write in from time to time and it is just about whatever I feel at the time. It has good stuff and bad stuff, happy stuff and very sad stuff among things of anger, etc. When I write in it, I write anything and everything that comes to my mind in that moment. I don't hold back if I can help from it.

Some of my best writing has been when I have just let go and I allow myself to get the stuff out. That is also some of the best times I have had in healing. I've now got a book of my writings (poetry, short essay type stuff. etc).

But for me journaling wasn't about something I did every day as for me one size doesn't fit all. So I adapted it to what worked for me and that was all the things I mentioned above. For me creating music on my keyboard is also another form of journaling as well.

If you are concerned someone will find it, get a little lock box and keep it in a safe place. That has not been an issue for me since I have been doing it. You don't have to tell anyone you are doing it and you don't have to share with them that you are but make sure you feel safe and secure with whatever you do and try not to hold back when you write, it will make your words and your time much more powerful.

That's at least what I've done over the years.
Don
 
i find journalling helps me think things our, or at least vent. i've kept one almost my whole life. i started keeping one to track my training when i used to run and bike, and just kept going. my recovery journal is on a floppy at the house. on windows xp, under one of the tool bars, you can opt to encode it, and password protect it. no one can get in the file without having the password.
 
TJ

Blogs

I have kept a daily journal for the last four years, especially so when one of my perps was on trial. It was here that I tried to talk about the way I felt, thats confusing in itself as I was too drunk and drugged up to feel anything for very nearly thirty years. I have tried to get it published to no avail so I started to Blog about a week ago you can read my blog at the link below

Please be aware that reading my blog could be triggering.

https://waltonhop.blogspot.com/

You can also start a blog from blogspot Its so easy even I can do it :confused:

Comments are welcomed

Regards

Archnut
"And all that was left was hope"
 
A couple months ago I figured out that my thoughts and feelings are easiest expressed through poetry. Its weird really, I've never written until this year and now I write when I have something on my mind and I have to get it out. I keep it all on livejournal plus I post on a couple forum sites. I find the writing to be therapeutic in itself and to be able to post it publicly just gives me the feeling that I'm telling the world.....hey, this is how I feel and I'm not ashamed of that.
 
I write in several tablets and on several PCs. I started before I met any T. Actually, I bought a tablet because I knew I needed to write something, and I wrote the truth about the perp from my teens, admitting to myself for the first time what he did.

I did hide it at first, but now I keep it in the open. My wife knows what it is. She won't bother it.

I consider some of my posts here to be part of that "collective journal." I have copies of several posts and entire threads saved to one machine. We're on a dial up connection with only one phone line, so I can see them this way even when the phone is in use.

I write now about anything at all. What happened today, or what's going on in my head, anything. I figure the paper and ink (or lead) are paid for so I'm free to do what I want with them.

I have shared parts of the writings in the tablets with my T. She asked about the parts that are not in English, if that was to "keep things secret." It might be. I'm not really sure.

I don't like a lot of what I write. If I deliberately try to write something like a poem, it's terrible. Sometimes I get on a roll where I get something better, but most of the stuff I write is best left to myself.

I don't follow any kind of schedule, though for a while I did write every day. Now it's just whenever I feel like it and have access to the media.

What gets me sometimes is reading stuff already in there. It can be quite surprising at times.

Thanks,

Joe
 
I didn't start journaling 'til last year after my wife died. A friend gave me a spiral bound book and asked me to try writing about the hurt that I felt. She told me that it helped her when she did it. I procrastinated for a while, then I started writing almost daily. I only write once in a while now but I have reviewed things that I wrote last year and can see how far I've come.

I was afraid to write down my feelings before, I was afraid that someone would find my journal and read it and judge me. I don't care much about that anymore. I am what I am (that's a Popeye quote isn't it?) and I like myself just the way I am, if others don't like it, too bad.

Take care,

Steve
 
TeeJayUU,

Yes, I Journal. I thought I was loosing my mind when the memories first started showing up again, uninvited, back in Nov./Dec. of 2001.
I used to carry my Journal book with me everywhere I went, for jotting down quick notes and comments when I could. I wasn't too worried about others finding and reading my Journal as I kept it close by, and for the really bad parts, I use a system of 'Runes' that no one but me can translate.
I did not have much luck in Journaling while at work (I thought I could use my lunch breaks to write), as the thoughts and flashbacks were too much to handle. I found that writing after I got home for the day, and during the weekends, worked best for me. (also removed any chance of someone getting my Journal).
I have found that writing helps me organize my thoughts, and even when it triggers me, once I've worked through the shakes and flashbacks, I feel as if I've accomplished something in helping me recover.
I don't limit what I write. That's not what my Journaling is all about. It's about putting to paper, and focusing externally, all the horrible things that lie in my past. The more I root them out of my mind, and onto paper, the better I feel.
I wish you all the best with your own Journaling.

Whicker
 
teejayUU,
for me, that is like asking if i breathe :) . i have kept a journal off and on my entire life that i can recall. it has gone from just the simple diary entries of a pre teen, to daily multi-page entries during the last month or so. i used to have a spiral notebook and my favorite mechanical pencil (had to be lead because i could not tolerate crossing something out and leaving such a glaring mark on the page). now i keep it on my powerbook and its safety is ensured through password protection. i still can't type with a fig, but i am getting lots of practice.

to me, my journal is my journey. it covers anything i want to work on at the time. everything from the teen angst and love-lorn puppy nonesesne of that time, to pages of theological meanderings, and everything in between. i had kept the language circumspect in case the more personal parts were discovered through my journal being stolen or otherwise read. i used key phrases and references that only i would understand. looking back over some of those passages, i realized i was more circumspect than i thought because a few of them had me scratching my head :) .

the bottom line, teejayUU, is that a journal is what you make of it. to ensure privacy as much as humanly possible, i would suggest a small notebook that you can keep on your person at all times while out, then replace it and secure the hardcopy at home. if the oppurtunity presents itsel, i suggest a notebook computer, but that is not an option for everyone. i was blessed with the chance of getting my powerbook for my disabilities. either way, the effect of a journal is what you are able to put into it. the journal is your journey. take care, and if you have any questions, feel free to pm me.
 
As you might guess, I like to write about what I'm feeling, so I do journal. I've done it since 1998 and there's well over 100,000 words on various discs ( I need an editor :rolleyes: )

One thing I do that seems to be good is NEVER go back and edit what I've written, well - I suppose I do, but I always save it as something new. That way my first thoughts on something are kept and any changes in my thoughts are also there, hopefully showing some positive progression. Some of the early stuff I've written is now on 'version 10' or something like that, and is way longer than the origional.
The first long piece I ever wrote and it's newer versions make interesting reading back to back.

If you are concerned about safety, then protect what you write on a computer with a password or something.
Human nature being what it is the temptation for someone else to read your journal is huge.
My wife fell to this temptation very early on in my recovery, and read in some detail about my acting out with other men that I had accidently left on the 'desktop' as I transferred a file to another floppy disc.
It speaks volumes about her that her main concern was that I was going to be angry with her for reading it and betraying my trust !
But my acting out was a 'concern' as you can imagine !
This event was a turning point for both of us, I was working hard on rebuilding my trust, both in myself and others. I would have disclosed my acting out and was at that time working in therapy towards doing so, ( with my wife ) it just speeded the process up a bit !

My experience turned out OK, although it was very difficult at the time. But I know how lucky I am.
When she first mentioned it I had visions of divorce lawyers.
So take a bit of care with journals, they are a terrific way of sorting our thoughts out, to write something down slows our thought process down as we think about what to write, and that is I believe, the key to journalling - seeing our true thought before us.

Keep writing :D

Dave
 
TJ I have been journaling off and on since about 1970 when I was 20 years old. No personal computers back than so I would carry a lineless note book that I wrote in. Some days I would have 3 or 4 enterys than I wouldn't write for a few weeks. Most of the time it was a simple history of what was going on in my life. Lots of ideas and statements on what was going on in the world.

The 70's where a real wild time with the Viet Nam war and the Anti WAR movment going on.I was alse a radical on my politcal views, totaly anti esablishment.
I never openly talked about the SA in my early journals only talked in code about it. I would make statements like,SOMEDAY THEY WILL BELIVE US,JUSTICE WIL BE HAD. Sometime I would talk about the pain within but never the SA. The great thing about lineless paper is that my hand writing would change from a 10 point font to 40 point depending on my state of mind.

I got married in 1982 and stopped most of my journaling on the daily bases. Told my wife about the SA in 2002 and started journaling again. Still using lineless notebook. It is realy helpful for me to look back and see how far I have come. I also use a little recorder when I am on the road. Someday I will have to transcrib those tapes. Tom
 
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