Do you ever wish your abusers would die

Khabeni

Registrant
I wish mine would. Not for revenge or malicious reasons. But I feel like it would give me closure. I feel like as long as they are alive they can hurt me again. Am I a bad person for thinking this?
 
You're not a bad person for thinking like that. They hurt you. It's understandable to have feelings like that.

I think I feel opposite of your thought of wishing they were dead though. Or a part of me does anyways. My abuser comitted suicide a few months before I turned 10. And although many people have told me he's better off dead and that I wouldn't get the answers to questions such as why? Sometimes I still wish he was here. To yell at. To scream at. To fall apart and cry.. To show him what he did to me, and if we was 'proud' with how badly he messed me up, if he was 'happy' forcing his sins on me...

The damage he caused...before...during..and after...I will never get the closure...the answers...the retribution I want. The hurt he caused me on so many different levels. He came close to breaking me...sometimes, I think he accomplished that...

So, yeah....nothing wrong in feeling the way you do.

-z
 

CarbonTiger

Registrant
Yes. BUT, only by my hands.

My abuser used and tortured me.

He choked me in his room and I almost died because I refused to suck his cock.

He kept his room locked. Every. Single. Time.

He manipulated me and threatened to kill me.

He made me cry naked sobbing into my hands.

...and in the same breath this fucking asshole put out his cigarette (after sex) on my inner thigh. As if to brand me.

If there is a God.

I will watch him lose his last breath, so the world can be rid of this demon, monster.

I'm a survivor of sexual violence, torture and manipulation. Death and I go way back. In fact, The God of Death is the one that protected me that one summer day. Otherwise I would not be here to text all this bullshit.

Death became my best friend for saving me. Death is my God now. And one day, I will introduce this creature to my absolute.

Only TIME... will... tell. (Shh!)
 
...and in the same breath this fucking asshole put out his cigarette (after sex) on my inner thigh. As if to brand me.
I'm sooo sorry CT!! I know exactly how this feels. This one statement has literally brought me to tears. I have my own burns...
You're the first person that I have read, to make it known. This hurts my heart so much. Im so so sorry that monster did that to you CT.
 

Lothar

Registrant
Closure, for me, comes from within. While certain situations would aid in that effort, such as being the individual responsible for abusing me being criminal prosecuted or found guilty, closure is still achievable when no acknowledgement of guilt occurs, no acceptance of the harm committed is granted or no apology offered. Closure is still achievable, thank goodness. One is often called upon to seek closure in those circumstances where the individual that caused the harm in the first place does not participate. While hard, it is still available.

I have had thoughts of harming those that harmed me, they are natural given the nature of the harms committed. I allow them to be there, accept the feelings as natural but I resist the desire to dwell on them and never act on them. They are signal that yes, a great harm and injustice has taken place. Thus, the feelings are natural, however resentment is toxic long term and self imposed. I wish to reject and challenge resentment.

I was informed of the death of my perpetrator years, decades, after he abused me as a minor. I was indifferent, thinking 'good, glad he's gone'. His death held no power over my ability to continue on my journey of acceptance, release, healing and growth. The world was better off without this individual and I would have been pleased if their death came sooner, but his death was not requirement for me to achieve peace, nor should it.

Jason
 

Photoman

Registrant
Mine died but the memories didn't. I have/had forgiven him so it made no difference when I found out he was found dead in his semi truck on the side of the road. He was a former step brother and I felt no connection for years afterward.
 

CarbonTiger

Registrant
I'm sooo sorry CT!! I know exactly how this feels. This one statement has literally brought me to tears. I have my own burns...
You're the first person that I have read, to make it known. This hurts my heart so much. Im so so sorry that monster did that to you CT.
Thank you. I hope your heart heals<\3

Mine is beyond repair in this lifetime. And I don't want another lifetime either. RTS--Return gift to sender.
 

Lothar

Registrant
Thank you. I hope your heart heals<\3

Mine is beyond repair in this lifetime. And I don't want another lifetime either. RTS--Return gift to sender.

‘Whether you think you can or can’t, you are right’ Henry Ford

The mind is a powerful thing. Encourage hope in the face of cynicism …. There always remain the path to healing and release.

Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

The power of change and life resides within even the most troubled and broken. I wish freedom from the tragedies of the past.
 

Honeeecombs

Registrant
I cannot relate to those who have endured deep sexual trauma in terms of how they would feel on this topic - but I understand the sensitive nature.

My abuse was fostered by neglect of a step mom; recovering family and humiliation by parents and babysitter.

Humiliation is one of those things that is on a spectrum - sometimes it can be innocent and funny; but other times it can be very cruel, degrading, abusive and life changing.

But even with my own memories - I would never wish death on a person - bad fortune maybe - but never death. Sure it's funny to laugh at the expense of those who hurt us - but deep down; I feel it would make you no better than the person that hurt you.

I have always believed that God is our final judge; who knows us from right and wrong - but I am spiritual. I have always felt that support groups like this help us not only become better people but to help distance ourselves from the people who have hurt us the most - and funnily enough the closer I am with the support groups the farther I am from my step family and babysitter (internal bad thoughts and triggers).

Support Groups help alot in that sense.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs
 
I have had thoughts of harming those that harmed me, they are natural given the nature of the harms committed. I allow them to be there, accept the feelings as natural but I resist the desire to dwell on them and never act on them. They are signal that yes, a great harm and injustice has taken place. Thus, the feelings are natural, however resentment is toxic long term and self imposed. I wish to reject and challenge resentment.
I really like how you said this. I've adopted a similiar mindset to this. Deep down it feels "right"
Haven't always felt that way, My younger self came dangerously close to acting on those and that scares me.
 

This is me

Registrant
My abuser is dead now and yes, when I was younger I wished he was dead.
When I found out he was dead it brought some closure, he can't do it to anyone else.
 

CarbonTiger

Registrant
My abuser is dead now and yes, when I was younger I wished he was dead.
When I found out he was dead it brought some closure, he can't do it to anyone else.
Doesn't it feel like "a win" after they took and stole everything. We become empty to that part of life we never had.

I imagine realistically what it would be like to hear that my abuser is dead. That closure would mean that I could maybe think about letting my guard down. I would eventually feel that i'm safe from his pain & torture.

Justice is the better way to describe a win for the under-dog story. Ughhhh, very emotional response from me as i'm having a very activated couple days.

...yea, so beautiful weather we're having!
 
When I found out he was dead it brought some closure, he can't do it to anyone else.
I will say, I am glad my abuser took his own life, because at least then and now, he can't do to others, what he did to me.
If he were alive, he would need to be restrained. Like prison. I don't want him alive and free. Just all the confusion and pain he caused me, a part of me wants him here, so he can be a recipient for all my confusion, pain, and rage...
But, it's better overall that he is gone. No longer can he hurt me or anyone else.


Thank you. I hope your heart heals<\3
I'm just so so sorry for that pain you experienced. You don't know what it is like, unless you "know" ((CT))
 

London1980

Registrant
Do I ever think that... In short yes. He's had a few heart attacks and has some how survived covid. This guy just won't die! Fingers crossed for a lightening strike or something 🤞🏻
 

This is me

Registrant
Doesn't it feel like "a win" after they took and stole everything. We become empty to that part of life we never had.

I imagine realistically what it would be like to hear that my abuser is dead. That closure would mean that I could maybe think about letting my guard down. I would eventually feel that i'm safe from his pain & torture.

Justice is the better way to describe a win for the under-dog story. Ughhhh, very emotional response from me as i'm having a very activated couple days.

...yea, so beautiful weather we're having!
Indeed it does feel like a win, there's closure but it doesn't undo all the stuff going around in your head unfortunately, I'm just glad he can't do it to anyone else.
 

C. E.

Administrator
Staff member
When my abuser died, I realized that I survived him twice.
 

CarbonTiger

Registrant
...And to the rest of everyone in the room.

Let's this be a declaration! Be afraid of us survivors, all of us that will no longer allow that behavior to happen...

Ever 😠
 

KMCINVA

Greeter
Staff member
He is dead now--COVID got him. In thinking about this question, I always had a hidden desire to confront him and let the world know what he did. It took me years to face the truth and by that time he was old and I was struggling. I did see him twice, once I sat in front of his house and the second time when my mother died, I say him at a church (I knew he would be there). I approached him and just asked do you remember me. I panicked, I froze and I left. The latter would be 10 years in Oct.

When I received the call from the Diocese that he was dead, I was numb, and it took time to process I was free of him, he could never hurt me or anyone else.
 
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