Do we ever get passed shame

[Tryingtolive]

When do we move on from shame?
I feel it all the time.
Me thinking of it.
Me thinking of sex.
How I view my sexuality.
I’m not a man.
I’ve kinda forgiven but it’s more of me trying to forget.
No acknowledgement to what had happened to me.
In the eyes of others.
I’ve never had any problems.
This angers and shamed me even more.
To keep quiet.
I realize I have power in my voice.
But I feel restricted.
To talk to some one I trust.
I feel shameful to bring up a family burden.
I just hate being misunderstood.
Cause no one understands my past.
I’m the only on that does.
As a human.
It hurts not being able to tell others.
What’s wrong with you.
It’s like an itch you can’t Scratch at.
I’ve grown more confident buts it’s more a false confidence.
A bubble I put myself in.
To not be fucked with.
The shame gets heavier and heavier.
It’s hard to look myself in the mirror.
I’m always honest with myself.
But not with others that are around me.
To them they think I have no reason to be down.
Which only makes it worse with how I feel about myself

 

[genedebs]

Dear TringtoLive,

I am sorry you suffer so.

You know this is mostly transfered shame. Those in, or associated with, your family of origin have made sure you understood. The truth would be a burden. The shame theyn insist you carry, they don't want it. They don't want you to share your past. They will deny it if you bring it up.

You think you are the only one, They told me when I started sharing in AA meetings, that we don't talk about that here. Not because we all don't understand. But if we admit the truth we think it is shameful. What? How is it your shame to have a brother, a father, a friend of your mother to rape you.

It is their shame and you will never get passed it until you stop carrying it for them. You probably have enough embarrassment that you own to make you avoid the mirror.

May God be with you.