Do I have the RIGHT TO?

Do I have the RIGHT TO?
M

Muldoon

Registrant
Do I have the RIGHT TO?

I have been given the use of a Private Investigator by the Archdiocese of St Paul to help prove my case against Father R. I was abused in 1961 at the age of 11 and Father died in 1965. I told on Father in 1961 but he never faced criminal chares because I trusted the grow ups around me and let the church board deal with him. After a hearing I was told that my story was unbelievable.

Now 44 years later most people that where involved in the cover-up are no longer living. Two boys that I know where abused are no longer here but their parents are still living. There are other living who where altar boys but I dont know if they where abused. So my question is this?


Do I have the RIGHT TO come into these peoples life and ask question that may be very painful for them? The P.I. wants me to question Kevin and Mikes parents and the guys that I know where altar boys.

I want to get some input from you guys. We know what this is all about so I cant just invade other peoples lives and ask?

I do think it is my RIGHT TO SEEK the TRUTH but not sure how to move forward. Can I force these guys to deal with the past without felling guilty? Thanks Tom
 
I remember as a child, I got hurt often, while at play, and would run home running and crying. There I would find my mother, I would hug her an cry for sometime, as she would pick me up and calm me down. Then she would wipe my tear and clean my wounds. Next she would put a band-aid over it and blow a kiss over it! May be that helped it heal faster.

In time I would be ready to play.

I also remember getting scolded for checking inside the band-aid again and again. As while scratching at my old wounds I would often create some fresh ones.

I believe that just as there comes a time to bury the dead, no matter how much dear, there also comes a time when we have allow old wounds to heal, by allowing them to lie low and allowing new grass to grow.

Time is the greatest healer, so we all live long enough to get over our old, sad stories and them life gives us ample opportunities to live life according to the stories we write. The trick is to stop living the old stories, acting in the same old play.

Life makes us wiser as we live it, just as we learn to rise up after our each fall; we also learn that we had the courage and resilience we always have been looking for. We just needed an opportunity to find it.

I remember recently someone from our group here; spoke publicly in his church about his abuse and recovery. That I believe is something what every church needs to hear and all public forums need to address- THE VOICE OF THE LOST CHILD.

So before we try to dig into the past ONCE AGAIN we must ask ourselves: Will this help me live better in the future, or am I trying to live in the past?

What is it that we are really looking for?

What if we really unearth nothing? Or if you do, and push someone into dealing with their past, when they might not be ready for it?

Afterall, we all have done it in our own sweet time.
 
Muldoon,

You and I both know that your motives in seeking this truth are good.

God will be with you and guide you as you go about your task of helping bring some justice to this situation.

God loves mercy and justice both. You will be doing a difficult thing that others have shirked from.

You do what feels right for you. There is no way to judge ahead of time what the effects will be for others, so try not to project bad things in the future.

Perhaps the parents will be glad to have someone like you who understands what their sons went through come and ask to speak to them?

It is not possible to see the future, but we do know from the past how much needless harm has been done by the silence and covering up of the sexual abuse.

You have chosen with great courage to refuse to participate in that cycle of harm and denial.

You have my support in whatever you choose to do.

Since you have been given the use of such a valuable professional resource as a PI, it would make sense to me to follow his advice, unless there were some compelling argument not to.

Share your misgivings with him and see what he has to say.

But most importantly follow your heart.

Your happiness is the most important thing.

You are a good man, and you have lots of love and support here.

Take care,

Regards,

Danny
 
Just one more thought:

Muldoon,

Perhaps we are phrasing the question in the wrong way.

Instead of

"Do I have the RIGHT to....?"

we should ask,

"Is it not my RESPONSIBILITY TO.....?"

You will find the right answer for you, my friend, because you have the bravery and the strength to look diligently for it.

Regards,

Danny
 
Muldoon,
I would use the services of the PI to the fullest. The truth revealed is always better than a hidden lie. I like Danny's take on this. Good luck. Peace, Andrew
 
What always astounded me was not that priests have molested boys, but the number of boys that it happened to. You never hear of a lone accuser. Perhaps, Muldoon, this is how it starts. It only takes one voice. Make it yours, and see how many are willing to join in. Like you, they could be in pain and be looking for ways to heal. This could help them.
 
Mouldoon,

Yes you have the right to fully heal and make full use of the PI. I echo the sentiments posted by everyone. In a way I wish someone would have come to me or my parents even at 32 years of age and asked these questions. It would have jumped started my disclosure and healing process. At least for me it would have made it easier to know that I was not alone and help to disclose.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Thank for all the great help guys.

I moved forward today. One of the boys in my school became a priest so I thought he would be the prefect 1st person to interview. After all he would have to tell the truth right?

I went to the libary at ST. Mary's Universtiy and looked up Father W name in the Catholic Registry. He is the head pastor at a big parish in the cities. Got up this morring and drove over to his church to see if he would talk with me.

When I asked for Father W I was told he is down in Rocshter for a few months. Father is in teatment for his drinking problems.

I told the asst pastor why I needed to talk with him. I also told him about how important it is for victims of sexual abuse to get professional help when they begin their recovery.

"Father could of very likly been Sexually Abused as a child and that is the root of his drinking." I told the ast. pastor. He shock his head and said he would set up a meeting for me.

"Tom I will pray for you that you find the TRUTH you seek."

I walk out of that church knowing that I am making a difference in peoples lives and may have helped Father W begin his healing.
What a day.
Thanks for all the help.
Tom
 
Wow--Tom, I wish you peace as you continue the journey you've started. There may be a lot of emotion along the way.

Keep us posted my friend. Talk to us if and when you need our support.

Hugs,

John
 
Guys thanks for all your support on this. I am moving forward on this and will keep you informed. Tom
 
Tom - as many of you know, I am shortly facing my abuser in court.

I made my statement of complaint to the police on 17th Oct 2004. At that time, I said that I was convinced of others that were abused & that I could give their names.

The police comment was that: 'Even if I was right, these people may have families, and might have moved on with their lives - the intrusion may disrupt how they are now'.

I would have so much liked to have additional complainants in court with me (there is now 1 other), but have to respect the fact that it took me so long to get there, that I cannot expect others to attend because I name them!

Best wishes..Rik
 
The guys that abused me had assaulted many boys from the area that I lived in, but none of them that I know came forard when it broke in the press. I have to respect them for that although I do feel very sorry for them having to conceal those dreadful secrets, Its extremely hard work keeping the truth from your partner, family and friends etc.

Kirk
 
Muldoon

YES! you do have a right. Its a simple as that. All power to you. We back you all the way.
 
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