Do I belong?

Do I belong?
J

Josh1

Registrant
My abuse began when I was 15. Do I belong here?

There is so much to write. It was so complicated, took place over such a long time. Inside, I know I was still a child. I know that I was just completely sucked in and manipulated by a master of evil. But I read some of your stories here, stories about children, 9, 10, 11 ... It just tears me up inside. I'm so sorry. I can't help, despite reassurances from T and friends and family, thinking that unlike you I did have some ability to stop it all, I was on the cusp of adulthood, I just worry it's not fair for me to say that I can relate to you because I was so much older.

While all I have seen here is love and support, I still need to ask the question: Do I belong? I hope I do because I have been so touched by some of the writings people have made here, and it would be a great honor to participate.

It's funny how I've done so much therapy and disclosed to a number of people, but I just struggle so mightily in defining my status, in accepting that I was, am a victim. I have been able to talk to people in my life about what I went through, but I have not until now opened up to any kind of group such as this.

Thank you for your honesty and strength.

Josh
 
far as i can tell this is the only place where we all belong ,age or weather or not you fought are just a small part of the big problem which is it was abuse ,big or small fight or not it did the same horrible things to all of us .welcome shadow
 
Josh,

Sounds like you have the same issue that we all have. Age is irrelevant. Welcome to the board. I am glad you are here.

Dominic
 
Josh,

If I belong here, yes, you belong here.

Welcome, brother.
 
Josh,

Age has nothing to do with it. Unfortunately many children are sexually abused. Just as unfortunate, adults are sexually abused, too. Many of us here were sexually abused as older teens (myself 16 yrs old), and many as adult males.

Trust us all, you belong here and have every right to heal along with the rest of us. I'm glad you found this site. For those of us who went thru these unfortunate events in our lives, this is the place to help us with dealing with our abuse.
 
Josh
your status is that of SURVIVOR, and you are in the right place, it's sad that you need to be here, but for all those of that were abused this is THE place to be.

There are no league tables of abuse, or indeed a cut off age. If someone forced sex upon you then it's abuse, don't fight the facts.

This is a great site Josh, and the guys here understand the feelings you are having, we know what it's like my friend.

Dave
 
Josh,

of course you belong here, age is not a barrier.

ste
 
Josh,

Welcome to Male Survivor. You sooo belong here, my friend. Never worry about that. What saddens me is the fact that you and I and the rest of the guys even need a place like this, but I'm sure glad it's here. As one of our Alumni, Ivanhoe used to say, It's the clubhouse that none of us had when we were kids.

You said,
I have been so touched by some of the writings people have made here, and it would be a great honor to participate.
Click to expand...
The very fact that you feel that way makes you an automatic member of the club! :)

Lots of love,

John
 
Thank you for all of the support and for the warm welcome. Despite all of the demons I've had to exorcise, all of the self-attacking voices I've had to calm, and all of the healing I've sweated through, I am taken aback at how important this community's response to what I wrote became.

What I think it boils down to for me is that I struggle with seeing myself as a victim of abuse. A failed lawsuit, so many years of therapy, opening up to my girlfriend parents best friends, and I still at a certain level buy into his line of bullshit that I wanted the relationship as much as he did, that I was the one that went after him.

On one level, I know that abuse is abuse regardless of age. But I think a big part of my personal work these days is to finish the work of disassociating from his mental construct of our relationship being one of equals, that we were both adults, that his being three times my age meant nothing.

When I first began therapy, I figured that I would go in for a couple sessions, talk about "the relationship" finally, get that figured out, and then move on to doing something important in this world. Well, the couple of sessions have been five years, and I am more curious, more desirious of understanding and discussing than ever.

It's just not right, not fair, what happened to me and what happened to the other men on this site. I resolve not just to push it under the rug. Pushing it under the rug, out of site, by my family friends teachers school, is what got me in trouble in the first place. No more. Communication, honesty, and vigilance are the only ways I can see to deal with this problem and maybe help others.

Thank you for the support and warm welcome!

Love,

Josh
 
Josh - yes you belong here.

Maybe you are struggling with the one question the majority of us ask ourselves?

Why me?

It could have been anyone - they are opportunists that create opportunities!

It is highly unlikely that any of those perverts will directly answer our questions (or admit that anything happened if a witness is present). So we torture ourselves with 'why'?

They are perverts. In my case it could have been me, it could have been the kid 7 doors up the street, it could have been the kid 2 doors down the street. It could have been the kid in the next street, the next estate, the next town the next county! They don't care so long as you fit into their preference of appearance and age.

It was never your fault, and this is the time and place for you to start believing that!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Josh,

Sounds like you are in about the same condition as the rest of us so you belong. And welcome, you are among friends here.

Darrel
 
Josh,
Age and what we knew at the age we were abused is a big question for alot of survivors. I know it was with me, I was 12, I thought I was too old, I knew what I was doing.

The question is a normal and you do belong here.

Jason
 
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