Clergy Abuse Do I act?? Do I tell?? Do I wait??

Clergy Abuse Do I act?? Do I tell?? Do I wait??
Thanks for that... Definitely need a program and improvement of my reading skills... SO, if you speak members of the covenant which includes Church B would necessarily become part of the process. Good luck sorting it out Kal
 
I was able to speak with my friend tonight at our 12 step meeting. He is fine with me going forward with my pastor without his name. He is still not ready to come forward, but has come a lot further in the understanding that it was not his fault.

I will set up a meeting with my pastor next week.
 
That seems like the best and “safest” way! You talked to your friend, he’s okay with what you’re going to do. Honest and open.

CSA sucks. Sometimes life does too, and then for some people, life sucks a lot.
Good luck to both of you!
 
You're doing great work Kal. Let us know how it unfolds. Finding the truth and dispensing justice means a great deal to all of us given our own experience with secrets often buried and trauma at the heart of our lives. I hope your friend can find his way through this minefield to some semblance of peace.
 
I speak with my pastor tomorrow morning. I will let you know how it goes.
 
Deep respect Kal.
 
Meeting with my pastor went well - He is going to speak to his attorney before proceeding. Will most likely start at the police level first.
 
I really don't get what the police will do in this case. They will call the guy up and say

A pastor called us and said that a man said that a man he knows said that 25 years ago when you were 20 and a youth leader you fucked around with a 16 year old. Is that true?

What will the police do with this third hand information about something that maybe happened 20 years ago? If the man wants to report, he should go for it. He's the one that knows what really happened.
 
if they need to give my name, they can, if we need to involve Child Protective Services, we will.
 
I find it very alarming that either the police or child protective services would act on a situation this vague!
 
AlexBoyd said:
I find it very alarming that either the police or child protective services would act on a situation this vague!
Click to expand...
they can investigate to see if any abuse is happening currently.
 
NC-Survivor said:
they can investigate to see if any abuse is happening currently.
Click to expand...
That’s actually where I thought this was all going.

If acting were to be for the purpose of “serving justice” so to speak for the atrocities that happened to your friend, I gotta agree with @jacats and @AlexBoyd. But, I always thought it was about ensuring no one was currently being harmed.

Nothing against you Kal, and I know this is an extremely unpopular position on here for obvious reasons, but I think we all need to keep things in perspective. Meaning, just because a perp acted in the past, it doesn’t mean it’s a lifelong thing. Not every perp has dozens or hundreds of victims. I’m not sure if I expressed myself very well.
 
very much so. I am HOPING that is the outcome. But knowing more than likely the opposite is true. Also, in NC, there is no SoL on child abuse, so it is still a punishable crime, even if it happened more than 25 years ago.
 
I'm surprised there is reluctance to follow up on this from some of our companions. Sexual abuse is generally so buried it is difficult to uncover, especially so when dealing with authority figures. Kids are too frightened to say anything so abusive behavior continues. I wouldn't for a moment conclude that this man acted out only with your acquaintance. This very much needs to be explored more fully and you've allowed that to happen by taking initiative. I appreciate that Kal. My guess is both police and social service agencies will handle this discreetly. No one wants to tar and feather this pastor, but a thoughtful review is in order. I'm thrilled to learn NC doesn't have a statue of limitation on these cases. Too many perpetrators have gotten away and too many states are dragging their feet on allowing prosecution.

Thanks for keeping us informed as this unfolds.
 
Thanks, Vis!
 
I am going to share: There are MANY sexual offenders in the Martial Arts who prey on people, especially children !!!! Do not minimize the situation but again, be safe about it and think before any action is taken.

"N-C" here's what I would do.

REPORT it to the Prosecuting Attorney's Office in an affidavit, keeping a copy of such for your own files. IF a victim comes forward, that your community or another does not know about, that agency then can communicate with your friend to get testimony. In this way, it's-on-file. Just in case he or she has the proclivity to re-offend and boundary violate again against someone else.
 
Obviously I can’t speak for others, and have no intention of trying to. I would just like to calmly point out that I’m not against following up. And I’ve certainly nothing against Kal.

Could this guy have abused others? It’s possible. Could he be currently abusing someone or others? Again, it’s possible. Does the fact that he’s done it before mean something? Well, sure!

My point, and what I gathered the others who were cautious even though I can’t speak for them, was simply that you can’t force someone to come forward. And Kal didn’t do that.

While I agree with your good intentions @Visitor, I’m leery to give a blank check to “no one wants to tar and feather the guy.” He’s a pastor. Granted that doesn’t come with quite the same “guilty until proven innocent” status that a Catholic priest has, but still.

I’m happy that so far it seems like things are working like how they should. Meaning: a concern was raised out of genuine concern and it’s being given the attention it should have. If somehow all this also lets Kal’s friend come forward and get all the help he deserves, then that’s great. But the friend shouldn’t be forced into it. Not that I’m saying anyone is saying he should be.
 
It seems we're hoping for the same thing David, a thoughtful assessment of whether this pastor who did use a young man sexually years ago is still engaged in illegal behavior. My comment about not expecting tarring and feathering relates to the discretion required of both police and social service agencies. I believe Kal has handled this impeccably and I support him.
 
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