do believe i'm geting stronger everyday
Hello all!
I just finished a session with my T. He is very good. He listens, but is very active in our conversations and just blows my mind with the obvious. I have been telling you how my wife has been so cold through all this. He told me it sounds like she is making everything about her, not my healing or not about our children. He also helped me see my opinions are important and my feelings count just as much as everyone else. Through all this, I have felt pain and desperation to keep my family together. Now, for the first time, I am feeling angry. But it is a different anger than I have ever felt. I am extremely calm and I have never been that way. It is hard to explain, but I have an amazing peace about being angry. I am angry at my abusers, I am angry at my wife for having an affair 8 years ago with my abuser and family member. I am angry she never took any real responsibility for it by saying,"He sought me out." I am also angry about how she has treated me (very cold), and the fact she has brought up behaviors I had when we first got married 15 years ago and have already been to marriage counseling about. Things that we promised each other were settled and would not be revisited. And yet, when I was at my lowest, and had absolutely no self-esteem, she would emotionally beat on me about all of my short-comings. I am angry that she told me she has feelings for someone else, and that she sent him a kiss on a piece of paper, but that it was innocent. I am also angry at myself for putting up with all that crap. I am better than that, and I deserve to be treated better. My wife is out of town, but she will be in for quite the surprise when she gets back. Apparantly, I have grown a pair!! I am angry, but I want to work on my family situation as well as my abuse. I hope for the best with my family, but if my wife chooses not to try, I have my GREAT children and she will be the one that looses!! I will survive. Before, I did not think I wanted to live without her. Now, I know I can live without her, I would just prefer not to. Please pray for me in all of this!
Thank you for always being here for me to ramble to and giving me a place to feel secure and feel like I belong. I think having this place to come to has really helped me see the good in me and the good in life!! Thank you. each and everyone of you, for being a part of that!
BC
I just finished a session with my T. He is very good. He listens, but is very active in our conversations and just blows my mind with the obvious. I have been telling you how my wife has been so cold through all this. He told me it sounds like she is making everything about her, not my healing or not about our children. He also helped me see my opinions are important and my feelings count just as much as everyone else. Through all this, I have felt pain and desperation to keep my family together. Now, for the first time, I am feeling angry. But it is a different anger than I have ever felt. I am extremely calm and I have never been that way. It is hard to explain, but I have an amazing peace about being angry. I am angry at my abusers, I am angry at my wife for having an affair 8 years ago with my abuser and family member. I am angry she never took any real responsibility for it by saying,"He sought me out." I am also angry about how she has treated me (very cold), and the fact she has brought up behaviors I had when we first got married 15 years ago and have already been to marriage counseling about. Things that we promised each other were settled and would not be revisited. And yet, when I was at my lowest, and had absolutely no self-esteem, she would emotionally beat on me about all of my short-comings. I am angry that she told me she has feelings for someone else, and that she sent him a kiss on a piece of paper, but that it was innocent. I am also angry at myself for putting up with all that crap. I am better than that, and I deserve to be treated better. My wife is out of town, but she will be in for quite the surprise when she gets back. Apparantly, I have grown a pair!! I am angry, but I want to work on my family situation as well as my abuse. I hope for the best with my family, but if my wife chooses not to try, I have my GREAT children and she will be the one that looses!! I will survive. Before, I did not think I wanted to live without her. Now, I know I can live without her, I would just prefer not to. Please pray for me in all of this!
Thank you for always being here for me to ramble to and giving me a place to feel secure and feel like I belong. I think having this place to come to has really helped me see the good in me and the good in life!! Thank you. each and everyone of you, for being a part of that!
BC
