Divorce among survivors
Brokenhearted
Registrant
How many of you survivors actually went through a divorce because it was affected by your recovery issues/or you just decided it was too painful to be close to your spouse?
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Divorce among survivors
- Thread starterBrokenhearted
- Start date
Brokenhearted,
When I disclosed to my ex-wife in 2002, it was the first time I had ever even hinted at CSA to anyone. She was in an affair at the time, and I don't know why I disclosed then, except that I was desperate to "save" my marriage and my family.
I talked her into marriage counseling, and two years later she was with another guy. We had continued to see the marriage counselor, but by that time I had a different T for my CSA recovery work. When I told T about this new affair, she was not surprised. It took me a month or two to realize that, and I asked her why she hadn't seemed surprised. She told me that from my descriptions my ex had never sounded "particularly stable" and explained how a lot of relationships can go south if one partner starts getting healthy and the other feels threatened by that.
I still wanted to "save" my marriage back then, but the guy's wife came here to confront my ex on our porch. Within a week or two, my ex was sleeping with another different guy. It turned out that the one I discovered in 2002 wasn't the first. I wasn't the only one with unhealthy behaviors, but I was the one who upset the apple cart by working to change.
So it was more likely that my recovery, rather than my issues, posed a threat.
Thanks,
Joe
When I disclosed to my ex-wife in 2002, it was the first time I had ever even hinted at CSA to anyone. She was in an affair at the time, and I don't know why I disclosed then, except that I was desperate to "save" my marriage and my family.
I talked her into marriage counseling, and two years later she was with another guy. We had continued to see the marriage counselor, but by that time I had a different T for my CSA recovery work. When I told T about this new affair, she was not surprised. It took me a month or two to realize that, and I asked her why she hadn't seemed surprised. She told me that from my descriptions my ex had never sounded "particularly stable" and explained how a lot of relationships can go south if one partner starts getting healthy and the other feels threatened by that.
I still wanted to "save" my marriage back then, but the guy's wife came here to confront my ex on our porch. Within a week or two, my ex was sleeping with another different guy. It turned out that the one I discovered in 2002 wasn't the first. I wasn't the only one with unhealthy behaviors, but I was the one who upset the apple cart by working to change.
So it was more likely that my recovery, rather than my issues, posed a threat.
Thanks,
Joe
Brokenhearted
Registrant
Joe,
Thanks for your story. I'm sad it went the way it did but better to be the healthier one if you ask me. I read your other posts marking your progress and you should be very proud of working so hard and long and staying at it.
Thanks for your story. I'm sad it went the way it did but better to be the healthier one if you ask me. I read your other posts marking your progress and you should be very proud of working so hard and long and staying at it.