Diversity and Sharing

Diversity and Sharing
M

Mike Church

Registrant
It never ceases to amaze me when I see the diversity amongst we at MaleSurvivor. We come from different backgrounds, cultures, countries and races. And we are all here for the same thing. We are here to share experiences about what happened what we did right and what we did wrong. The things that work for us and that dont.

It is a little like AA. Someone gets up and tells a story about what happened what it was like and what it is like now. The listeners try not to judge and critizize what the person is saying only look for the similarities in circumstance and behaviour and outcomes. In other words we can all can say. Oh God yes does that ever ring a bell, different context but same shit. It gives you a chance to then listen how that person overcame the issue or is trying to deal with it. We learn or let them in on what worked for us to give them options.

Someone once said you dont learn by what you do right but what you do wrong. Only trouble with me is I got hotwired and believed for years there was only one way to do it or deal with it,etc. If there was a better way I would have invented it and because I did not I was right all along.

What do you guys think. I know I am confused now.
 
Mikey,

You changed your avatar again. I was just getting used to your tiger. :)

It never ceases to amaze me when I see the diversity amongst we at MaleSurvivor. We come from different backgrounds, cultures, countries and races. And we are all here for the same thing. We are here to share experiences about what happened what we did right and what we did wrong. The things that work for us and that dont.

It is a little like AA. Someone gets up and tells a story about what happened what it was like and what it is like now. The listeners try not to judge and critizize what the person is saying only look for the similarities in circumstance and behaviour and outcomes.
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I think it's a lot like AA and SIA or at least like 12 Step groups in general. The lack of pre-judging (prejudice) and the level of respect keeps us safe. We can get stuff out that needs to get out because of that.

Someone once said you dont learn by what you do right but what you do wrong.
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Gosh, I should know a lot more than I do by now! :D Unless there's more to it than just doing things wrong!

I think there is more. When I was just doing things wrong, I didn't learn squat. It's only since I've admitted that I was clueless and was doing things wrong that I've started to feel educable.

If there was a better way I would have invented it and because I did not I was right all along.
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Not Invented Here Syndrome. Seen it. Got the damn T-shirt. And the part about "right all along" sounds like a description of my old companion, Denial, as in Don't Even Notice I Am Lying. Lying to myself, and to anyone who'd get close enough to listen. Been down a lot of roads with that character.

What do you guys think. I know I am confused now.
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I'm confused always. If I weren't, it would confuse me!

Seriously, I think the strengths that we find in self help groups like AA, SIA, etc. are part of the strength we have here. The kind of danger that we have in groups like that (anyone can pretty much invite themselves) is minimized by you mods and admins. Then we have pros like Ken dropping in with helpful comments from time to time, and we're suddenly in a real healthy place.

Is there something more bugging you?

Your brother,

Joe
 
Originally posted by mikechurch:
Someone once said you dont learn by what you do right but what you do wrong. Only trouble with me is I got hotwired and believed for years there was only one way to do it or deal with it,etc. If there was a better way I would have invented it and because I did not I was right all along.

What do you guys think. I know I am confused now.
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doing the wrong thing can be the right thing...it is a paradox, but a true one...

we do not always get what we want in this life, but we always get what we need.
 
Diversity in unity. We are united by the common bond of being men who have been sexually abused. We are diverse, each of us with our own ways of doing things & gifts to share.

Unity without diversity is not only dull but is unable to make a difference in many corners of a very diverse world. Diversity without unity is not
only divisive but also sends a mixed message to a world that needs clarity about male sexual victimization and what to do about it.

So let's celebrate our unity & our diversity!

Mike: awesome thread. Thank you.

Victor
 
I do not know that I am in such a group. I join this site and see how many people are member here, it makes me so sad and scarey and angry. I think that often, it is the true, that we learn from the mistakes or wrong things, more than we do when we are perfect people. But many times, we choose not to learn anything, and that we maybe make those mistakes again until we do. Maybe what we need to try is to learn at anything we do the first time, if that is ever the possible thing.
 
How many times did I walk away from some squalid toilet thinking "never again" and convince myself that I had finally got to the point where I could "cure" myself because I had "finally realised I was in deep shit !"

I believed I could learn to right from experiencing doing wrong.
How wrong could I be ?

Very wrong is the answer - but not completely wrong, because I did seek help in the end.
And with that help I did learn from the mistakes.
Not the mistakes of my acting out - that was 'survival' - but I learned from the limited ways I tried to escape from my behaviours, and I learned to make use of the survival techniques and strengths I had.

Every time I acted out or was somehow affected by my past I thought I could steer myself out of it once and for all.
Inventing a way out for me was like reinventing the wheel - when all I had was a ruler.

Dave
 
Mike,
First off, you never cease to amaze me how you live your life. You always are able to turn a difficult situation into something wonderful. ;)

Something that I would like to add is that when you associate yourself with people who are full of positive energy it tends to rub off onto you. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize, your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere friendships.

And certainly the converse is true when you run with people who are full of negative vibes. They certainly don't encourage you to change for fear that they'll truly have to change. So they tend to keep you stuck. If you stay stuck they stay happy.

I recently started attending a 12 step group called Adult Children of Alcoholics. My parents aren't what I would call conventional alcoholics, but attending this group is full of positive energy that really makes me feel good about myself.

And I'm sure everyone here has picked up on the positive energy that resonates here. Need I say more...

Mike
 
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