Disregarding the Shame

Disregarding the Shame
B

BelovedSon

In a recent sermon, my Pastor talked about Holy Week. He said that the betrayals, denials, injustices and humiliations came fast at Jesus leading up to Good Friday. In the sermon he quoted Hebrews 12:2 “Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame.”

The phrase “disregarding its shame” has stuck with me since he preached. I feel like there is something for me in that phrase as I continue to heal from my CSA. But I am not sure what. What would it look like to “disregard the shame” of the abuse?

I just don’t know how to get past the shame of what the teenager made me do when I was eight. I believe that Jesus came to earth, among other reasons, to model for us how to “do” life. So I think I am to learn from his example of disregarding the shame. But I don’t know how. My counselor has told me “Greg, the shame is real, it is just not yours”. I just don’t know how to let go of shame which isn’t mine.
 
Hi Greg-I'm not exactly sure what your counselor meant, but it's definitely wise not to take on the shame of others. For me, letting go of the shame of being abused as a young child was a key step in my path to recovery. It started with getting a good therapist, then slowly, gently, at my own pace, I told my girlfriend and my parents. Eventually I even wrote about it in a church newsletter. I gradually let go of the shame by sharing openly about the abuse. I think this may be an important part of the story of Jesus' death - that it occurred publicly, in the open, not behind closed doors.
 
I’m not sure today I recognize the shame I had the first time it happened because it was so confusing and I didn’t really comprehend what was happening. But I know at the time I was filled with it because I remember being in chapel soon after it happened and I pleaded with God to give me a sign that he wouldn’t leave me because of it.
My real shame comes since. The CSA effect on me makes me particularly weak. I ask fir forgiveness but I continue to live in this hole. At times I continued to let happen and that is my real shame.
We know the obvious was Jesus carried the shame of all our sins. But I too feel I can’t get past it until I stop the crazy. If that is ever possible.
 
It’s definitely possible. To stick with the Christ metaphor, we will die to it and be resurrected into the fullness of our divinity. Weakness or meekness is one of the prerequisites for transformation.
 
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