Discounting our Experiences

[Brayton]

I try to be helpful in adding replies to threads from time to time. I wonder sometimes, as I write, why my words, intended to comfort, do not have that effect on me.

I just wrote something on a thread concerning the minimization of our abuse experiences that we sometimes hear from others, even those closest to us.

What occurs to me is that minimization goes far beyond merely dismissing what happened to us as something like "child's play" or, alternatively, something that we should have avoided or prevented.

As we know, a cultural bias supports the minimization of male sexual abuse. In doing that, the negative result is far greater than it would be if society was able to admit its error in this.

Not only is our great hurt discounted, but we are ourselves encouraged to minimize the seriousness of the emotional outcomes we have to find ways to deal with.

That includes not only depression and anxiety but even more severe disorders such as panic attacks, paranoia, and suicide attemps (or successes). How is it we survive at all?

I'm sure some of you can think of more.

Even if we become aware of the seriousness of the emotional disorders we are experiencing, help is often hard, even next to impossible, to find.

Even if help is very available as it is here where I live, I have found that even the most capable therapist seems unable to plumb the deepest realms of the darkness that has fallen over our lives.

How can anyone really understand who is not there themselves and how can anyone who is there themselves be emotionally capable of helping others?

We attempt it here, sometimes succeed, sometimes fumble, but, thank G-d, we try.

What would I do without this place? It seems it would be impossible to continue without it.

 

[phoster]

it's not just men. survivors as a whole meet this attitude of, 'that was a long time ago, get over it.' lets face it, if we could get over it, we certainly would have rather than face a therapist and our families with it. they act like we did this to hurt them or something. i guess it makes them feel better. it also gets hard not to do it to yourself. i think we tend to want to just get over it too, and we try, but it just doesnt work

 

[estuardo]

My response is "AMEN"!!!!

When people tell me to forget about it, I usually respond, "I would like to, but for some reason God doesn't want me to right now, I obviously need to be working out some issue from all of this".

It usually gets taken as an excuse for not being, as somebody once said to me, a "good victim".

Peace,
estuardo

 

[reality2k4]

Brayton,

my original post was meant to address this subject as you are now, but I got carried away and wrote from the inner me, and how I felt. I looked at the text and thought? Hm, getting a bit long here, so could not post what I intended, that is why I asked for yuor views at the end.

What I really wanted to touch on, is like yourself, we are supposed to just forget it.
I really meant to say, yes OK, child abuse is a bad subject, people deplore it, they kick when they hear about it, then what? You guessed it, THEY FORGET Until the next time it rears it's ugly head, hmm.

They choose to forget, we can't forget, so we stomp our feet in this place. That is why I would love each of them to spend a day in my head, as a child, don't think so, they would be screaming to get out.

Child abuse is on the increase, every time it comes up, I go into shock, why? Because I know what the kids go through. I see the perps get caught after years of abuse, and get a couple of years. I see many never getting caught as we read in this forum of the perps still about in their neighbourhoods, or even worse, they are still in charge of kids!

Even worse, we see establishment brushing it under the table, and hoping everyone will forget, they will forget until the next time. It is only us, who can never forget, I wonder why?

That is what I really wanted to post before my mind just spooked off on it's own.

ste

 

[onlyakid]

In my house, I still live with my parents (at 26), its never addressed, its always tiptoed around. At best I get it refered to as "The situation with your brother".

Jason

 

[Raphael]

Brayton,

Thank you for elaborating more on this topic. I feel this is an important issue for me as I work towards recovery from the abuse, because to be able to recover from something, I should be able to first acknowledge what happened and what effects it had on me.

Originally posted by Brayton:
Not only is our great hurt discounted, but we are ourselves encouraged to minimize the seriousness of the emotional outcomes we have to find ways to deal with.

I sometimes feel I walk two steps forward and one step back in my path of healing. As the step back has to do with minimizing the effects of the SA.

 

[Nightwolf]

I think for many who say to "just get over it" they have NO clue what hell we've gone through.

Even if help is very available as it is here where I live, I have found that even the most capable therapist seems unable to plumb the deepest realms of the darkness that has fallen over our lives

I think this is where God steps in, we need to remember that we have a spirit that needs to be nurtured and taken care of just as much as our body and mind.

How can anyone really understand who is not there themselves and how can anyone who is there themselves be emotionally capable of helping others?

I think we can help each other because we understand and know the hell we've gone through, just knowing someone else has gone through what I have and had the same feelings helps me to not feel alone or like I'm a freak.