dillemas in childhood ttt
reality2k4
Registrant
It is now coming up to the anniversary of my fathers' death, he died knowing I always loved him, he knew that, I had to bring the family in from afar to be there, I even had to bring my older brother in to talk to him, before he died.
I told him it maybe the only living chance he will ever get, it was so hard, but he did it, he made my dad feel a little better knowing his eldest son could forgive him on his death bed.
My older brother took it real bad, as he had not spoken to him for many years, and he mocked him when he was ill, which I always took offence to, did it need to shock him into really wanting to know his own father, my father was given only six weeks to live, so I said to him, do it now or you will never forgive yourself.
I was with my dad when he died, I remember the things he taught me, but I remember how strong he must have been through the abuse I suffered, he never really got through the fact that two of his kids where abused together.
I don't really want to go back, but if I look at what really happened, my father goaded me into talking about what really happened, he really could not understand why I would not tell him what really happened.
He knew the profound affect it had on me, but he tried to find out the facts of what went on, just like any father would do, but there was too much hurt there, and you can guess it made him mad.
It made me feel mad, because I could not tell him how it affected me, so I shrugged it off, my father was so close to me and the other kids before this happened, it was hard for him to accept his little boy would not tell him.
Why? Because daddy I want to protect you, he goaded me into telling him, but how can a boy so young tell his dad what a monster did to him?
How do you tell your dad that you were stripped naked and made to do degrading acts on a filthy old man, yes OK dad he made me play with him and suck his cock, he was in control, is this what you really want to know daddy?
Your little boy is not going tell you that is he?
It's another type of abuse, because even though the kid never describes the abuse, you know as a parent just what the kid is going through, but what he is telling you is not fitting the abuse?
I suppose after such a degrading experience, I tried to hide myself away from it and pretend it never happened.
I turned into an introvert kid at the time, not wanting contact with people, people hurt, I always remember being beaten by my father, I was always the one to interfere if he ever fought my mother,
I always protected her, but I was always conscious that the fights were all about my problems.
I remember my father saying to me, you are the cause of the problems, I suppose if I look back on it I got beaten because I never told him what really went on, but did you really want to know daddy?
I always remember being beaten for something I never did, I said, why? don't you believe me?
Why do you beat me as your child? Don't you love me as your child? I think he beat me for not being so honest as he wanted me to be and tell him the truth.
How many kids can tell what really went on?
I took so many beatings, because I was so vulnerable, and my siblings took it out on me, it was always my fault.
I remember one day my father beat me for no reason, and I said to him, why do you beat me for something I didn't do? He said, it must be you, who else could it be?
He threatened to send me to a home for bad kids, and yet he thought so much of me, hey, confusion sets in here, you want me out of your life?
I cause you so much trouble, how much trouble is going through your little boys mind, you comfort me and you care so much for me, but to send me away for what someone has done to me, how could you ever live with that? OK I cause so much trouble in the family, but I am still your little boy.
I still love my father but he never really knew what went on
ste
I told him it maybe the only living chance he will ever get, it was so hard, but he did it, he made my dad feel a little better knowing his eldest son could forgive him on his death bed.
My older brother took it real bad, as he had not spoken to him for many years, and he mocked him when he was ill, which I always took offence to, did it need to shock him into really wanting to know his own father, my father was given only six weeks to live, so I said to him, do it now or you will never forgive yourself.
I was with my dad when he died, I remember the things he taught me, but I remember how strong he must have been through the abuse I suffered, he never really got through the fact that two of his kids where abused together.
I don't really want to go back, but if I look at what really happened, my father goaded me into talking about what really happened, he really could not understand why I would not tell him what really happened.
He knew the profound affect it had on me, but he tried to find out the facts of what went on, just like any father would do, but there was too much hurt there, and you can guess it made him mad.
It made me feel mad, because I could not tell him how it affected me, so I shrugged it off, my father was so close to me and the other kids before this happened, it was hard for him to accept his little boy would not tell him.
Why? Because daddy I want to protect you, he goaded me into telling him, but how can a boy so young tell his dad what a monster did to him?
How do you tell your dad that you were stripped naked and made to do degrading acts on a filthy old man, yes OK dad he made me play with him and suck his cock, he was in control, is this what you really want to know daddy?
Your little boy is not going tell you that is he?
It's another type of abuse, because even though the kid never describes the abuse, you know as a parent just what the kid is going through, but what he is telling you is not fitting the abuse?
I suppose after such a degrading experience, I tried to hide myself away from it and pretend it never happened.
I turned into an introvert kid at the time, not wanting contact with people, people hurt, I always remember being beaten by my father, I was always the one to interfere if he ever fought my mother,
I always protected her, but I was always conscious that the fights were all about my problems.
I remember my father saying to me, you are the cause of the problems, I suppose if I look back on it I got beaten because I never told him what really went on, but did you really want to know daddy?
I always remember being beaten for something I never did, I said, why? don't you believe me?
Why do you beat me as your child? Don't you love me as your child? I think he beat me for not being so honest as he wanted me to be and tell him the truth.
How many kids can tell what really went on?
I took so many beatings, because I was so vulnerable, and my siblings took it out on me, it was always my fault.
I remember one day my father beat me for no reason, and I said to him, why do you beat me for something I didn't do? He said, it must be you, who else could it be?
He threatened to send me to a home for bad kids, and yet he thought so much of me, hey, confusion sets in here, you want me out of your life?
I cause you so much trouble, how much trouble is going through your little boys mind, you comfort me and you care so much for me, but to send me away for what someone has done to me, how could you ever live with that? OK I cause so much trouble in the family, but I am still your little boy.
I still love my father but he never really knew what went on
ste