Diificult to verbalise

[RICK57]

Just me again - had another call from the Police today just after I left work. Had to pull over in my car.

Everything has been passed to the CPS so far & they are happy with the standard of information / statements they have received. They require 2 further statements - 1 from my Manager & 1 from the Policeman that I spoke to in October.

It's about 99% certain now that a court case will happen. I was asked how I feel about picking him out from an ID parade (possibly the second half of next month). Of course I will do it.

If it leads to a court case, it will probably be spring / early summer.

When I put the phone down, I set off again in my car - instead of going home. I went to the local supermarket. Sometimes when there is a development, I go into trance mode and switch between negative / positive frame of mind.

I bought myself a decent steak, mushrooms, 'exotic' vegetables, new potatoes, vine tomatoes, choux buns laden with chocolate & stuffed with cream, a tub of fresh cream for coffee with honey.

I ate/drank the lot & I'm now following it up with a bottle of decent wine (I feel rather full in a nice way).

I'm not going to allow myself to feel any self doubt this time - I'm looking after myself and building myself up for the battle that may come.

If CPS decide not to proceed at the last minute, at least I have most of my self respect back and a hint of who I can be.

The strange thing is that I sometimes feel that I never really got to know my Dad (he worked a lot when we were kids to keep us fed - we were hungry little sods). The last 5 years or so he had alzheimers & we'd just started to click when that took over. I sometimes wonder what he would think of me now & if he would understand why I was so distant as a teenager.

Today would have been his birthday - maybe I've got the answer - not a bad present!

Best wishes...Rik

 

[reality2k4]

Rik,

I wish you well, I hope you get to the hanging.
It is funny how you get mixed feelings about it, I think we all have this feeling of feeling sorrow for them, even after they do these crimes.

Maybe it is because "WE", are human.

The strange thing is that I sometimes feel that I never really got to know my Dad (he worked a lot when we were kids to keep us fed - we were hungry little sods). The last 5 years or so he had alzheimers & we'd just started to click when that took over. I sometimes wonder what he would think of me now & if he would understand why I was so distant as a teenager.

My dad was the same, even though he knew about the abuse. We had this strange distance and yet we were so close, as fathers' are with their sons'.
I could never really share the pain with him, but he knew it was there.

I miss my father more than anything in the World, but just to know his love was his legacy to me.

I think it is so hard when you lose a father, and you really would love to have told him why you were so distant, but it is the hardest thing in the World to divulge.

God, they don't know the pain they inflict on you.
At least your dad knew you loved him, even though he had alzheimers.

If this perp does go down, it will be a far lighter sentence than you or your family got.

hope it goes alright for you,

ste

 

[ShowMeHowToLive]

Hi Rick57. You celebrated with the wine and steak. Good idea.
When I inquired about prosecuting my abuser, I was met with a strange obstacle: not being "abused enough" and falling outside the statute of limitations. You can get away with fondling a child as long as its been enough time. In my case, it was 7 years *i think - too much time separated me and the initiative to prosecute this pedophile.
So, its encouraging to read your post. I hope you win.

 

[Bill_1965]

Originally posted by RICK57:
I'm not going to allow myself to feel any self doubt this time - I'm looking after myself and building myself up for the battle that may come.

Great for you!!! That's wonderful.

Originally posted by RICK57:
I sometimes wonder what he would think of me now & if he would understand why I was so distant as a teenager.

Today would have been his birthday - maybe I've got the answer - not a bad present!

He'd think he had one hell of a great son and he'd be right.