Different help for all of us

Different help for all of us
M

Mike Church

Registrant
All of us here in the discussion board have some really big issues to deal with no matter who we are. And we spend a lot of time dealing with them here, with, our Ts And Ps and with those who love us outside this WOLF PACK . It is good that we can express yourselves freely and honestly with nothing but support in return. This also included the chat room for those who go there.

It is tough slogging and can be very emotional for us. We also have to realize that there is also a tremendous need to keep the body healthy in addition to the mind. Now Wuamei and others have helped in a big way with jokes and music and poetry. But there is other stuff too guys. And some of us do it in chat. I mean we dont have to wear sack cloth and ashes and beat ourselves up all the time.

How about some just plain beautiful music, continue the jokes but also consider ways that you help the body and share it with us. It is important too in our overall health and also goes a long way to helping with the worth and esteem issues. My brother wolves we cannot ignore the body because it where our soul lives.

I am starting this thread for the benefit of all of us here so please do not think that I am aiming at anyone in particular. I know the benefits I have been reaping from belonging to a health club, inline skating and mountainbiking as well as camping and hiking.

I know that Wuamei gets a great deal of pleasure teaching water aerobics and that it also helps his body. And others of you do other suff. But guys you have to share this too ok.

God knows we need every tool we can lay our hands on. I know that you can all donate something here. What helps you, physically as well as dealing with the demons. I have said to others here that I had a big stuffed animal that was my demon slayer and slept with him all the time. I also like to read childrens books. They are simple yet full of a lot of lifes truths.

So come on fellow wolves lets get it up here for all of us. Tell us what you do so we can all benefit. If some of you would like to inline skate I have a lot of info I can share with you.

I know what I would like to know is how to imoport a picture and some of those neat graphics into a post. Remember I am 62 and not totally with it or here. Been accused of being out to lunch on a number of occasions
 
OK, Mike, how's this?

I occasionally play "Calvinball" with my kids. Essentially, we take a ball of some sort (American football last weekend) and sometimes other equipment, and mutate a game to where we can play, 2 or 3 against one (guess who is the 1) until it's dark or we're tired.

Our baseball inspired games are always a lot of fun, as I never get a turn to bat and usually suffer a shut out as a result. :) But I do get exercise, chasing them around the yard. And I don't get tackled in those games nearly as much as in some others.

In a more subdued vein, I'm trying to learn to draw. I got a second hand copy of "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" and started working through it about a month ago or so. Been away from it for a while, but I have noticed that I can even doodle a helluva lot better than I used to, since I learned/practiced some techniques from that book. I couldn't draw a straight line with a ruler 2 months ago!

My two cents.

Joe
 
Joe that is exactly what I mean. I am gonna make a big list of all the stuff and send it to everyone by private post. I mean that is great what you do with the kids. And you know something brother wolf you win each and every game in your heart and physically. What a great feeling it is to play with your children.
 
I have a keyboard that I love to create music with (when I get enough free times these days). In fact I have a CD of my music on mp3.com.

I also write a lot and have put this together in a book format (home published type of thing).

In fact, I hope to get a couple copies of this and my CD's to the Male Survivor conference for the silent auction (just have to get them in the mail). So if you're going to the conference, make sure you look for these things.

I'm finding that Massage is very helpful for my body and dealing with every day stress of life. It helps me to become more acquainted with who I am and more accepting of myself.

I love to spend time in the Everglades, just where it is quiet and I love observing the Alligators, birds and all the other creatures.

I enjoy going to the beach and just walking there or getting my feet wet or jumping in the ocean. The power of the ocean is so refreshing to me.

I love to do Yoga when I can but right now, I'm so busy that it is hard to get enough time to do this.

I have a hammock that I enjoy sitting in and listening to the birds and watching the clouds drift along the sky.

I love just being with Jeff and just doing little things together or having fun together.

And of course there is always the time I get to spend with my cat (or as she would say, she gets to spend with me).

There is probably other stuff, but that is most of it.
 
I agree with Mike, we have to maintain our hobbies and interests as we recover, or start something new.

We need to escape all the thinking we do, we must chill out sometimes.

I've been driving in competitive off road trials for about ten years, although I learnt to drive in a 4x4 when I was about 8 or 9 yo sat on my dads knee. So I always wanted to do extreme off roading.

Relaxing ? mmmm

I build my own 4x4 from scratch, all the designing, welding, machining etc. I spend hours getting burns all up my arms and a bad back from manhandling Range Rover axles. But I love it, I get a great sense of pride from the finished motor.

The driving is heart stopping at times. I look at a course and think "no f*****g chance!" But I still get in and drive. Occassionaly I win, sometimes I end up my roof. Whatever happens I feel stronger for overcoming any fear I had, and even though I'm not a very competitive person it's still good to compare the result with my close rivals.
Every time I fasten the safety harness I draw on reserves of self confidence I never believed I had.

I also help run the Club and edit the monthly newsletter ( which I should be doing right now !)
So people must trust and respect me ? And that's something we as survivors find hard to accept.

When I'm competing my whole weekend is spent preparing the 4x4, towing it on a long journey, competing, and driving home again.
And my SA doesn't enter my mind, well certainly not in any kind of intrusive way. I escape for a couple of days and join in with 'normal' people doing 'normal' things.

And I gain so much back.

I would recommend to anyone that they get involved with a Club of some description. Don't just turn up and do whatever they do. Get involved, trust yourself to do it and see what you get in return ?

Dave
 
I also like to read childrens books. They are simple yet full of a lot of life's truths.
Click to expand...
Two of the best recovery books out there:

  • "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" :eek:

    "Green Eggs and Ham" :p

Victor
 
Mike,
You've hit on a really cool topic. I find it very interesting to see another side of the people here. So I'll share mine as well, at least a couple.

Like Don, I love to go for walks in the nature. Fortunatly I live near a creek and almost every evening I take the two dogs for a walk around dusk. I find it so peaceful to hear the the water run, the birds making noise, and watching the sun dip behind the mountains. Oh, I almost forgot that the best part is just watching the dogs enjoy themselves. They're just simply happy to get out and jump in the water. Besides, they never let me forget to take them and I like that.

The other thing that I find very releasing is riding my scooter. I recently bought a little Vespa motor scooter and it has helped my mood so much. There's something about having the wind blow in your hair that makes you feel alive, albeit at a blazing 45 mph :D . But it feels good. And while I've never considered myself a very attractive person, the comments I get while riding it really boosts my self-esteem (at least from the young ladies who make the comments :p ).

On a side note, my scooter is baby blue. Recently I was at the store to buy my neice a birthday gift. She loves Barbies so I figured some sort of Barbie paraphernalia would do. What did I see but a baby blue Barbie Vespa. I had to buy it, but I realized then that it's pretty hard to ride a baby blue Vespa and feel macho. The good thing is that I feel secure enough with myself to ride the same scooter as Barbie. And that's saying a lot for me ;) .

Enjoy,
Mike
 
the good thing is I feel secure enough in myself to ride the same color scooter as Barbie
Click to expand...
Way to go, Sleepy!!!!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

Secure enough!! That must feel really good! ;)

Howard :)
 
Yay! a cool thread.

I went out jogging today evening(finally!).
The weather was beautiful(as always in california).

I was listening to music and since there were hardly any people around, I started singing as well. I didnt really care if anyone heard. I was in my own sweet world.

The special bonus to my jogging trip was that there were a pair of swings in the park. When I saw them, I ran and got on one.

Oh, it was so much fun! I was a child again. Swinging higher, and higher. The cool breeze over my face felt lovely. the sky, the trees, the fresh air...

My inner child is HAPPY!

love,
rax
 
Hey guys this is really great. Keep em coming. We get to meet the other side of each other and it gives each and every one of us a pleasant feeling when we read the posts.

Like I said I am going to make a collection fo everyone once we have done posting
 
Yeah! Keep them coming guys. I need some ideas for new hobbies. I am currently going to the gym to try to lose about 30 pounds so I look good in the tux for my daughters wedding. I have to get rid of my pot belly. I am running on the treadmill and I'm up to 2 miles. I like to be able to run a 5 K run by the end of the summer. The wedding is in Oct. :D
 
I bought a basketball hoop for my son and put it together about a month ago. That was way more physical exertion than I expected! He really helped too, and it was so satisfying when it was finished.

Now, almost every evening, we go to the side driveway and play one on one. Our rules: I can play defense, but once he goes into his shooting motion I am not allowed to move (after all, I am 6'3" and he is about 4'7"). What fun!

I also try to work in the yard, garden, etc.

AND I started to build a shed (slowly). That will be my first time building something like that.

It is interesting you should bring this up now, MikeChurch, because just prior to this last month, I spent a few months feeeling very tired, and I wasn't doing any of this stuff.

Then I somehow found the way to drag myself out. Once I started moving I have found it a lot easier to keep moving.

Peace,
James
 
I have this great 65 Buick that I love to crank up on a sunny day and just hit the road. My dalmation is my companion, he enjoys the scenery and the ride is terrific. The pride I take in this 18ft hunk of steel and the thrill of driving it allows me to return to 1965 and be a kid again. I am also part of the Big Brother Program in Portland and am a sponsor for a 10 year old boy. The pleasure of helping him with his homework, making a model car, flying a kite, going swimming is unbelievable, it has allowed me to do some of the things i had wished my father had taken time to do with me.
Stay strong, be a kid again once in a while.
Bob
 
Mike what a very cool thread. Thanks for starting it. The timing on it is funny, for me at least. Talking in the chat room, Steve is helping me see I need to do more with my life than sit around and think about my SA. Now, I try to use the excuse that I cant do the things I like to do ie: go for drives in the counrty, we dont have a car right now, build models (which I love to do), etc. But Im finding that a lot of the excuses I am giving myself are just that excuses. Yesterday I called to see about yoga class's, $50.00 a class for each eight week session. Living no a fixed income it's hard to come up with the money for such things. However, my wife and I have been talking about starting to go for a walk in the evenings, so for now we have started walking to the end of my hallway and going down one flight of stairs (we live on the third floor with no elevator), it's hard to just do that I smoke to much and eat like Im a kid and dont have to worry about my heart. We are slowly going to try to change this. I have started to take very long bubble baths, they help me relax so much, funny how a tub full of bubbles will recharge a soul. The timing of this tread is weard, you say it's not for anyone person, but I wonder if it's not talking to directly to me, lol. I think the biggest problem with me trying to do something for me is because of my SA. I dont feel Im worth having fun, or looking good, or etc..... And part of me may want to have that heart attact, maybe deep down inside it's my way of "trying" to kill myself, now I dont know this for fact just things I've been wondering about. I mean I know what I need to do inorder to live longer and see my kids finish school, get married, have kids of there own and maybe even see some great grand children, I just dont do any of them. I always use the excuse of "I dont have the money to do/join/buy "bla"". Well that may be the truth, I may not have the money to buy a car right now, I may not have the money to join a gym or pay for yoga classes, I may not have the money to get the supplies I need to build a model (trust me on this one it takes more than a bottle of glue, when I do this is has to be perfict, I can spend 6 months putting a car together). But....what I do have is two good feet and I live about a half a mile from the river here which has a very nice river walk. So I could start walking, short distances at first then a bit longer and then longer till I can make it to the river and then I could feed the ducks or the gesse or just walk and enjoy the view of the river. What I need is not money (yea right lol) what I need is better self worth so I know that Im worth the time and engery it is going to take to make a commentment to me to make a change in my life. Well I think Im done rambleing for now, sorry it jumps around so much. Once more Mike thanks for this tread, how cool to see what other's do for fun. If I could make a wish of what I could do I would have a room of my own where I could build my model's I get so lost in them when Im doing that, my fav to build is clipper ships, let me tell you if you've never tried to ties the rigging on one of them you have no idea what your missing ;o). ok thats all from me for now.
James
 
Mike,

After my initial shock at discovering this forum, and once the smoke started to clear, it dawned on me that I had made many strides over the last few decades in my recovery from the effects that the early abuse would cause. :(

I have fought this fight alone for nearly 40 years, never once along the way finding anyone trustworthy enough, who could truly understand. How can this make sense to someone who has not gone through it? It is hard enough for me, a former victim, to undertand.

However, having been relegated to loner status, I decided that survival was my responsibility and so 20 years ago at the age of 30 made the decision to leave an emotionally bankrupt marriage and traded a life of drinking, drugs and other mind-numbing activites for a life of sobriety. Have not had a drink since day one, but I'll tell you, my recovery has not been all that clean. I have been known to take a few too many tylenol PM's when the going got a little too tough........

Anyway, after 2 years in recovery, I got clean enough to begin working on a degree(I would be the first one in the family to have one). After going for two years, it got to be too much, what with raising a family of 3 and working way too much, so I had to put things on hold.
Finally, in 2000 I finished with 6 years worth of credits and graduated cum laude with an award for excellence. I am proud to say that three newspapers have thought enough about my music making efforts in the community to write articles about it. Not too shabby for a kid who in his grade and high school daze (the years of abuse by older brother) pulled c's and d's. (Guys, please don't think I'm sitting here braggin' -- far from it; this is just s humble testimony to the resolve of the wounded wolven spirit..... [insert howling wolf emoticon] OK Ron but only becuz you asked!
howl.jpg
[Victor/Wuamei the Editor] :D

Also, my 30 year nicotine dance is over :p , but it wasn't until I got away from my family of origin that I was able to dwell in the realm of possibility, and also began to satisfy a lifelong interest in musical composition. After moving from Pittsburgh post graduating, I find myself in Mpls in a great job and going to work on my Master's this fall.

In my Navy daze, I was raped at knifepoint also, but I often forget about that chapter, but the plus is, that over the last couple of years I became an SA advocate for Dakota County and recently became a volunteer at Open Arms of Mpls.

I have gotten outta my own head in many regards, and began to focus more on the needs of others, and in the process have become a kinder, gentler person, and have even won the affection of my terrier Murdoch and my Eclectus Parrot Stonewall Jackson. They like being with me, even when I don't necessarily like being with myself. Hey, if animals can stand to be around you, that's not nuttin'! ;)

At any rate, I am missing the friendship of folks whose experience I can resonate with. Even through all of the recovery, til finding you all, my sense of being cared for had been sorely vacant.

Thanks for the opportunity to share, and in the future, I will try to remember, however difficult, to weigh each negative with a positive when I post.

Peace and gratitude

Ron
 
Ron:

What a post my brother wolf ( please insert a big pack howling fellow moderator-Ime too dumb)

[OK Mike here it is:
augw1.jpg
. But don't call my friend Mike dumb! :p Just remember Al's recent instructions.]

You are definitely an inspiration to everyone here. Especially the young wolves who think more in black and white whereas age brings out all those shades of grey. Not to offend these young brothers do I say this but to reveal the whole spectrum. We old farts draw inspiration from the young wolves and they dont even realize it. It helps us relive through them what being young is like. Thank god we are a mix here.
 
Ron:

After editing your post, I figured the least I could do is respond to it. Or maybe the least I could have done was not respond?!...

Somewhat like yourself, Ron, I've had to battle my
way out of (and for now at least stay away from) an abusive family of origin, a bad 1st marriage, also addictions to narcotics, tobacco, & alcohol. Got good grades until high school when I got put in a childrens home then went way downhill. No cum laude but went back to college 5 years later, made Dean's list, ditto when I went back to school 10 years later.

(Hey Ron why shouldn't we be a bit proud of that stuff? We were survivors then; we are survivors now! :cool: )

Did this pretty much on my own & not knowing what I was doing until college when I found God & got married again, but still pretty much alone until about 2 years ago when I started remembering my SA and began serious recovery (I'm 46).

... began to satisfy a lifelong interest in musical composition.
Click to expand...
My interest is in a different kind of composition:
I am a writer, working on a couple of books & articles now. My interest in music involves listening & enjoying it. What kind of music do you compose?

In my Navy daze, I was raped at knifepoint also, but I often forget about that chapter, but the plus is, that over the last couple of years I became an SA advocate for Dakota County and recently became a volunteer at Open Arms of Mpls.
Click to expand...
Ron what horrors you are overcoming and what great work you are doing on behalf of us all. This is the kind of advocacy for male survivors I am striving to do. You are da wolf, man! :cool: No wonder your critters like you!

Bein' a Southern boy, gotta love the name of your parrot (what's an Eclectus Parrot BTW?)! :) Your terrier--is he by chance named after Howlin Mad Murdoch of "The A Team?!"
MrT_anim.gif


Ron, like you, like so many here, I am very grateful to have found all of the fine men here, including you.

Hey I found plenty of positives in your post. But no sweat, sometimes we gotta get the negatives out too. It is good to try to keep positive as much as we can with one anothers' support.
MetalHeadCool.gif

Thanks for your good words and for the sharing of your ESH (Experience Strength Hope).

Victor
 
Great post , well not have kids you must find things that are of interest to you i have a few people that i play chess with and cards but i would have to say that the one thing that helps me get my mind off of things is voluteering at a homeless shelter here in fla it is so nice to see that most people are so greatful for a little help that i can give back you see my wife and i are homeless and are looking to find affordable houseing here in the area of fla that we live in but everyday i spend 4 to 5 hours doing laundry for this shelter and i know that when we are back on our feet i will continue to help out when and were i can
 
Joey Bird:
What can I say but bless you for a heart of gold. And my brother wolf you will get back on your feet.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top