did i make it all up?
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did i make it all up?
- Thread starterPeterrr
- Start date
Morning Star
Registrant
Perhaps you would never know what really happened, perhaps things would get clearer would time, but that is immaterial. The important thing is to release whatever is coming thru your memory, release it, as it is just your past, not you! Make yourself, your present, your future more important than your past, IT IS.
I remember when as a child you get hurt, and run up to your parent, they wouldn't counsel you, or anything, they would just hug you and say: ITS OK, ITS OVER, ITS OK, ITS OVER.
That is what you have to say to that screaming child in you, EVERY DAY. Walk up to him and embrace him with your love, let him know you are there for him. Listen.
I remember when as a child you get hurt, and run up to your parent, they wouldn't counsel you, or anything, they would just hug you and say: ITS OK, ITS OVER, ITS OK, ITS OVER.
That is what you have to say to that screaming child in you, EVERY DAY. Walk up to him and embrace him with your love, let him know you are there for him. Listen.
roadrunner
Registrant
Peter,
Morning Star is so right. Just allow yourself to come to terms with your memories, whatever they are. The truth cannot hurt you.
It often happens that a survivor resists his memories because he is afraid he will turn out to be the one responsible for what happened, or because he will remember terrible things he doesn't want to face.
What you need to keep in mind here is that it is never the kid's fault. Not ever. And if we refuse to look at something that doesn't make it any less real or reduce it's ability to hurt us. We need to face these things.
We all find different ways and work through them at different paces. You don't need to feel pushed by anyone. But recovery does ultimately require that we face our past as it actually was.
Much love,
Larry
Morning Star is so right. Just allow yourself to come to terms with your memories, whatever they are. The truth cannot hurt you.
It often happens that a survivor resists his memories because he is afraid he will turn out to be the one responsible for what happened, or because he will remember terrible things he doesn't want to face.
What you need to keep in mind here is that it is never the kid's fault. Not ever. And if we refuse to look at something that doesn't make it any less real or reduce it's ability to hurt us. We need to face these things.
We all find different ways and work through them at different paces. You don't need to feel pushed by anyone. But recovery does ultimately require that we face our past as it actually was.
Much love,
Larry
Its possible but not very likely. I had similar fears when I started my recovery that I was just making everything up. One question to ask yourself is do you normally make things up? Another is, who really wants to be dealing with any of this stuff? I'm glad I'm now dealing with it as oppossed to hiding from it, but I wish was never abused and didn't have to be here. My therapist calls these defenses our emergency brakes which protect us from going into the dark areas of our past too quickly. Its good those brakes are there, but I'd say despite the pain, it is good to let go of it at your own pace. My emergency brake is clever and allowed me to deal with one incident of abuse for the start of my recovery only to recently show me more things that I had forgotten. One reason I thought I was making things up was because my memories were emotionless. They were like snapshots without fear, anger, or sadness, and I thought to myself: if this were real I would be screaming or crying, but thats not necesarily true. Just last week in a book called Trauma and Recovery I read that traumatic memories are often remembered without emotion and feeling and often seem like a still photo. Reading this was a comfort to me because I realized that my memory was not wrong it was just traumatic and different from other memories.
roadrunner
Registrant
Peter,
I just want to come back briefly to your basic question:
"How do I know what really happened?" That's a big one. We all work through that in various ways, and at the moment, Peter, maybe what you need to know here is that by sticking with recovery and working on your issues you do find answers that give you peace and allow you to regain a fruitful joyful life.
Soeaking more concretely, many survivors recover clearer memories as they move forward. What is happening is that they are feeling safer and more confident, and as that happens the mind is better able to allow memories to resurface that the survivor would not have been able to handle in the past. That can hurt, no doubt about it. But it is a sign that you are making progress.
Remember always: the truth cannot hurt you.
Much love,
Larry
I just want to come back briefly to your basic question:
The second part is dead easy: the abuser is ALWAYS to blame, never his victim. Remember that abuse is about the power of one person over another: when the one misuses his power, that's his fault.how do i know what really happened
and who to blame?
"How do I know what really happened?" That's a big one. We all work through that in various ways, and at the moment, Peter, maybe what you need to know here is that by sticking with recovery and working on your issues you do find answers that give you peace and allow you to regain a fruitful joyful life.
Soeaking more concretely, many survivors recover clearer memories as they move forward. What is happening is that they are feeling safer and more confident, and as that happens the mind is better able to allow memories to resurface that the survivor would not have been able to handle in the past. That can hurt, no doubt about it. But it is a sign that you are making progress.
Remember always: the truth cannot hurt you.
Much love,
Larry