did i do the right thing?

did i do the right thing?
S

shadowkid

WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shado
how do you just go on trying to keep up a normal life ,working etc .when your mind is totaly screwed? in my job it is important that i keep my mind on what i'm doing .as a lineman my actions can endanger all the other guys on my crew if we screw up people can die ,i ain't been able to concentrate on my job since i started trying to deal with my past ,two weeks ago i lost a five hundered dollar drill ,which i have to pay for ,i've called off work once a week for a month now ,and yesterday i was supposed to go to a remote location and kill the power so other guys could clear a line ,once i got there ,my mind just started wandering and i sat down to take a break about 20 minutes later my boss called to ask why the power was still on ,hell i even forgot why i was there ,if the others had started working on the line hot they could have been killed ,i have been working for 18 months to get my class a lineman cert. i would be the youngest ever for this crew it takes two years of continous time as apprentice to get it ,i only have 6 months to go ,but i pulled myself off the line crew ,i'm afraid someone will get hurt maybe later i can finish ,this sucks but i don't want to cause someone to get hurt .now i'll be working in the shop washing trucks and stacking boxes ,i want that certification more than anything and i can't explain why i changed my mind or why i been screwing up to my boss.
but at work i'm either thinking about my abuse or my brother all the time ,it's not fair to the others on my crew for me to stay there ,why does doing the right thing always suck? adam
 
My friend, I cant answer that. All I can say is your not alone.

I am 1 of the biggest fuck ups of all time.

It may not work for you but for me honesty was always the best policy.

Take a union rep with you and spill your guts to the boss. If possible record it for posterity (secretly of course)in case they mess you about.
 
Adam,

My initial reaction is that you acted responsibly in what you did. JapanZen may have some good advise on how to handle the situation with your boss.

I know when I was in the beginning stages of my recovery, as you are now, I was a mess too. I was able to muddle through, but if I messed up it only affected the production report for the day, not someone's life.

One of my superiors eventually caught on that something was up with me and was very understanding. Put his arm around me and just said that if I ever needed to talk, he'd be there to listen. Cool guy.

Just hang in there and go for the certification at a later date after you've had a chance to get further down this path we call recovery.

Lots of love,

John
 
I passed up an apprenticeship for electrician. I lack the natural mechanical aptitude that the job required. I woulnd't even think of doing it now, (just after I disclosed to my parents, I can't concentrate well on anything right now). Me working on 480v lines, YEAH RIGHT!

I think that you made the right decision because

1. From what I understand you're not hurting for money.

2. You're past is haunting you with extra layers of brutality, unsupportive parents, unsupportive family, etc..........

I can barely hold it together right now where I work and all I did was disclose my abuse to my parents.

From what I figure, you've learned from being here so far, that recovery gets easier over time, and time is on your side. I'm just taking these guys word for it but I DO believe, from what everyone is saying, that you and I and most of the others here will reach a crest of a hill or wave and then we'll be able to go downhill.

Perhaps you can try to wait untill you're starting to head downhill?

I think you're doing the right thing.
 
You gotta go easy on yourself man, This is a scary place that we live in. We are all scared witless, we just don't admit it.You will do well financially for yourself,don't "worry", it doesn't help. You are getting your head right first. Sounds like your heart is concerned for the other guys, good. I melted down for four months after I disclosed to my Darlin' bride. I simply couldn't work. I just sat by the woodburner reading and feeding the fire logs. Also There were a lot of really funky feelings thoughts and emotions [weird stuff] that was coming out of me. Adam, I'd be really cautious about what you say at work, more cautious about who you talk to. I caused myself much pain by opening my mouth to unsafe people. Oh, by the way , that all happened in 1996 and we are now getting ready to purchase a buisiness valued at over a quarter million. So get all the rest you need man!
 
Adam, hey, its not fair on YOU.
It is difficult to not think of this stuff, and screw up at work.
Your health is a priority here.

Try and find a hobby to release some of this crap, either going to the gym, walking,cycling, or what ever you can, to try and get it out.

Find time to relax in the evening with music can also be beneficial.

Look after YOU,

ste
 
When I started therapy a little over a year ago, I knew that it was just a matter of time before I had to let people know what I was doing. Afterall, I am the boss at my location. I some previous heart arrythmia problems, so people that work for me thought that it was related to that. When I sat my staff down and explained what it was, they were very understanding (except one, that strikes as a perp himself, at least he no longer works for me). After that I sat down with my boss and explained it to him. His first reaction was "Are the sons of bitches dead, yet?!!!!!".

My reason for saying this is that honesty is indeed the best policy. Watch the meds, they can also bring confusion and lack of focus.

I also just recently let the corporate HR Mgr. know also by wording a letter using "catch words" that HR managers understand.

Be open and honest, because I have found that when you live a lie like I did, the only healing is honesty. Extremely hard to do, but it is the only way I can help heal myself.

Hope these words help!!!
 
Adam,

You deserve a pat on the back, or better yet, a hug. I believe that you did the right thing. Other peoples safety is alway a high priority. Washing trucks is a good job for thinking. When I was in the place in my recovery where you are now, I had a job washing airplanes, a very theraputic job.

Do whatever it takes to heal and keep yourself and others safe in the process. Sounds like you are on the right track.

Hang in there and remember you are very loved

Darrel

PS. I used to talk to the airplanes, my favorite was a big yellow crop duster. It was a biplane with one of those big radial engines. I named him Dusty. :) Never thought of it before, but I was abused at a small airport and a big step in my recovery also happened at a small airport.
 
Adam - I had a major breakdown 2 years ago. I had no choice other to tell my Boss. She got me some help immediately & most of the time she watches out for me now! I actually run a production department & at the time of my breakdown I was surrounded by Technical Staff that were around the age my abuser was when I was abused. There's a long story involved, but sometimes you get help when you don't expect it!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
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