DID - Dissociative Identity Disorder - how many of us have it??

Dissociated1

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Dolphin42

Registrant
How many of us here have DID?? Probably a lot!! If you have "holes" in your memory, you probably do! Something to discuss with your T!!
I altered in a therapy session, a flamboyant gay child version of me then led to discovery of abuse that I had been completely unaware of. It was weird having me and a gay alter together at the same time for a few hours. TBH, I was very happy afterwards to have that part of me back and to know he was still around. I had forgotten what I was like before the abuse while trying to forget the abuse itself, the short alter visits are nice reminders of past good feelings. Coaxing that happy boy part of me to stay around is more difficult on a week over week basis, but I practice.

I don't think the marble analogy is a good one, we are plastic and malleable mentally. With work, I hope the cracks in our self can be mended and disappear, that's my goal. When I was whole for a time after my alter first appeared, I felt mentally strong and empowered and my shame was no longer in my way. I want that existence again.
 
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I don't think the marble analogy is a good one, we are plastic and malleable mentally. With work, I hope the cracks in our self can be mended and disappear, that's my goal. When I was whole for a time after my alter first appeared, I felt mentally strong and empowered and my shame was no longer in my way. I want that existence again.
Neuro-plasticity, as I have learned in the past few years, is how our brains are wired. So yes, the abuse can cause severe damage, but the brain can "re-wire" itself to work around the damage... it just takes the guidance of a therapist (or other professional) who knows what they are doing.

and yes I have a whole menagerie of alters (see my signature line)
 

Dolphin42

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and yes I have a whole menagerie of alters (see my signature line)
Wow. Now I see what you're sharing, @NC-Survivor, thank you. I'm impressed you've come to know your various selves so well.

I wasn't ready for the abuse memories to resurface recently, and I'm certainly not ready for a bunch of alters to join my life. Sure there has been the initial relief & comfort of finally knowing what is wrong with me for 40+ years. But beyond that, this is scary, as I know there is one more inside me that absorbed the worst of the pain & abuse, repeatedly, silently.

Was the idea of having whole parts of you locked away from other parts of you kinda scary at first? What else is there?

Alters was the stuff of movies, not my life, I never wanted to live this kind of life, I just wanted to have a normal life, like everyone else appeared to be having.
 
But beyond that, this is scary, as I know there is one more inside me that absorbed the worst of the pain & abuse, repeatedly, silently.
that is "Tako" for me
 

WG

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Dolphin42 - While we think others are having a "normal life", we don't know what goes on inside their minds. We don't know what their lives have been like up to the present. No one can determine by looking at me that I'm a survivor. You stated it well when you said, "appeared to be having".
 
Was the idea of having whole parts of you locked away from other parts of you kinda scary at first? What else is there?
I had known about a few of the others for years. but yes it is scary when they come out - scarier when they take over - even for a few seconds.
 

Dolphin42

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I had known about a few of the others for years. but yes it is scary when they come out - scarier when they take over - even for a few seconds.
A boyish voice took over once briefly and casually offered to have sex with a man I was only acquainted with. The other man was confused not angry, thankfully. That's about as scary as it has gotten for me so far.
 
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A boyish voice took over once briefly and casually offered to have sex with a man I was only acquainted with. The other man was confused not angry, thankfully. That's about as scary as it has gotten for me so far.
Mine just do "mischief" - nothing with long term consequences.
 

Al81

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I was diagnosed with DID, PTSD and Hyper Vigilance Disorder. My alternate came during EMDR therapy. I was shocked because he was/is the 14 year old version of myself. My T had me ask him questions about the trauma and why he was so afraid. He told me and my T about the abuse from my father that particular morning. He is the one who took the abuse, he is the one who protected me, he is the one who took me to another place, a safe place.
 
I just began my therapy. I know I dissociate but it's more like my mind goes numb and I skip moments. Not so much another identity as such. Just a a forgotten moment...long enough so I don't remember some unpleasant shit. It happens throughout my day. My wife says I don't show any signs of DID in front of her. She's not allowed to analyze me anyway. My therapist hasn't addressed it yet. He's been observing me tho. I haven't vocalized much so we're still working on that. But in my opinion I do not suffer from DID.
 
Dissociation is on a continuum and DID represents the most extreme example of what can happen. By attending to what is happening inside we become familiar with how we "go away" from the present moment. Dissociation that is triggered by traumatic experiences is certainly more extreme than idle musing about the basketball game we watched last night or the sexy woman we intend to take to the movie when theaters open. I've been reading about dissociation in relationship to trauma. It is fascinating what happens as we navigate through life and I find it helpful to have just a bit of distance between what I experience and my understanding of what is happening. Honestly, the more I understand it the less I am at the mercy OF it. This is what my healing journey looks like... not DID but still a challenge.

 
I have quite a number. I must admit I thought it was normal. I wasn't living at home, was dragged all over the world by various people. And I thought everyone had others inside (I called them others, still do) I found it annoying that I lost time, but I was quite happy that the worst was taken from me so that I didn't have to live through it.
 
There are many different ways to frame what happens in dissociation worth considering. I've been reading of late in Internal Family Systems about the roles played by different parts. I've also been reading in Polyvagal Theory about how the autonomic nervous system contends with trauma. Discussions about dissociation can be pointing to what happens in our nervous system and how that manifests in parts that carry those emotional states. As we view these real experiences we begin to formulate a story that relieves us of the shame inherent in believing there is something wrong with us. In reality, our bodies have been working our entire life trying to keep us safe... sometimes creating responses we identify as parts who played important roles in keeping us safe... even if they've done things that made our lives challenging. I know breaking into homes to steal lingerie was not the best way for me to live my early teen years, but it was apparently what my body needed to survive the residue of trauma. I forgot it all but was vividly aware of the shame I felt for doing those things. Through the years there were behaviors that did the same thing. When we feel shame, we choose to live smaller lives than we might otherwise lead. A smaller life leaves us less vulnerable. Making friends with these parts and absolving ourselves from shame seems essential to healing... and to claiming our full aliveness. It is a work in progress for all of us and we do that work here with men who understand this territory from first hand experience. Conversations such as this one really are important.
 
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