Depression

I am having some serious depression over a health condition. And it makes me crazy. I know I am on a hair-trigger and even though I know it, I have a hard time controlling it.

I am lashing out sometimes at people for the littlest things. And I think it is because I feel vulnerable again. Which was always dangerous. I think that it is because if I am angry enough, people won't hurt me. That if I am a badass I will be safe.

My friends have noticed and even been subjected to it. I am trying my best to control it, but fear is a hard thing to control.
 

KMCINVA

Registrant
Jaxson

I am sorry for what you are going through. I too suffer depression. I put on a good face and want others to be upbeat. My friend said she noticed something about me, I think I am good but struggle to work or get tasks done. I am happy in many ways and lose interest in many things. Her psychiatrist friend is back next week and I will meet with him, we have a good relationship. When she said those words I knew she was right. I know the abuse leaves me empty at times as does what was done to me later in life.

I believe many survivors suffer depression. I have lost friends with PTSD and the doctors say the underlying cause is depression. Please seek help, I know I need it right now. I have learned from a previous episode when I believed dying was the answer. I was rescued and never want to be in that dark place again. I try to say screw the abuser, screw those that shun a survivor--always easier said than done.

Please take care and reach out. Some how writing this helps me.

Kevin
 
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So sorry you are feeling the pull of that black pit Jaxson. I know you have survived by maintaining the walls of self but at times like this you need to try and allow those of us who care to share some of the burdens and fears. Together it is better. Together we can avoid the pull of the pit.
 

DennisB

Registrant
Jaxson

I am sorry for what you are going through. I too suffer depression. I put on a good face and want others to be upbeat. My friend said she noticed something about me, I think I am good but struggle to work or get tasks done. I am happy in many ways and lose interest in many things. Her psychiatrist friend is back next week and I will meet with him, we have a good relationship. When she said those words I knew she was right. I know the abuse leaves me empty at times as does what was done to me later in life.

I believe many survivors suffer depression. I have lost friends with PTSD and the doctors say the underlying cause is depression. Please seek help, I know I need it right now. I have learned from a previous episode when I believed dying was the answer. I was rescued and never want to be in that dark place again. I try to say screw the abuser, screw those that shun a survivor--always easier said than done.

Please take care and reach out. Some how writing this helps me.

Kevin
Kev.
I get into episodes of depression. One thing will happen, and the next thing I know is the more I think about the situation that triggered my sadness, the more I think, the deeper in this hole i go to the point that it's hard to climb out. I actually got on MS to climb out and the guys kept me from sinking. I always get into this why me thinking...so i ask someine... what can i do to avoid this deep sinking.
 

KMCINVA

Registrant
Dennis

I think recognizing you are in a funk or listening to others who see you are in the funk is important. Seek help, sometimes it is just talking it out, other times medication can help. As you said the more you think about the situation that triggered sadness, deeper the hole becomes. I am learning to step away, distract myself. I do mindfulness exercises, affirmations and push myself to do an activity or call friends who make me laugh. I do believe at times depression feeds off itself and in the past I have allowed it to control because I failed to control my thoughts and emotions. My bouts are less frequent these days and not as deep. The bouts still take a toll on living. I find writing about my past can help because it reinforces the situations were not mine but others.

I use to ask the question why me. I no longer do because I have come to accept I cannot control how others treated me or abused me. It is their doing. What I can do is to keep distance and not let their words impact me for they have failed to accept what was done. Our thoughts can be our trigger to symptoms of depression. Learn your triggers.

I hope this helps.

Kevin
 

DennisB

Registrant
Dennis

I think recognizing you are in a funk or listening to others who see you are in the funk is important. Seek help, sometimes it is just talking it out, other times medication can help. As you said the more you think about the situation that triggered sadness, deeper the hole becomes. I am learning to step away, distract myself. I do mindfulness exercises, affirmations and push myself to do an activity or call friends who make me laugh. I do believe at times depression feeds off itself and in the past I have allowed it to control because I failed to control my thoughts and emotions. My bouts are less frequent these days and not as deep. The bouts still take a toll on living. I find writing about my past can help because it reinforces the situations were not mine but others.

I use to ask the question why me. I no longer do because I have come to accept I cannot control how others treated me or abused me. It is their doing. What I can do is to keep distance and not let their words impact me for they have failed to accept what was done. Our thoughts can be our trigger to symptoms of depression. Learn your triggers.

I hope this helps.

Kevin
Kevin thanks. What is mindful exercises, is that like self talk?
 

KMCINVA

Registrant
Dennis

Mindfulness is basically a form of meditation whereby you live in the moment and intensely being aware of the what you are sensing, feeling and thinking without judging these emotions. It takes time to gain control of not judging or interpreting these feelings. I learned it was because I had spent a lifetime judging myself--sadly it was in a negative way. Different exercises to achieve this state involve breathing techniques, creating positive images of oneself, focus on the good in your life, focus on any object in front of you and explore its dimensions, physical attributes while being aware of what you are feeling without letting these negative emotions capture you. In time I learned the feelings and emotions I was sensing were self inflicted as I changed how I thought of myself. You can sit, walk or stand while practicing these exercises. I went to several training sessions to understand what I needed to do. At first I was hesitant and over time it became a part of my life.

You can find significant information on the internet. It has helped me along this journey to heal.

Kevin
 

DennisB

Registrant
Thank you Kevin. Really interested in this. I'm going to look up more and see what I can do. Thanks brother.
 
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