Depression with treatment

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Depression with treatment
I didn't realize until today that I was so depressed about my treatment. And it has bled over into personal relationships. I am not myself. I am too on edge and take some things too literally when I shouldn't.

It feels like a weakness for me and I hate it. Because I am usually so strong.

Friends are telling me this is normal in my circumstances and I want to believe them. But it still feels the way it feels.

Monday I go back to chemo and I have thought about suicide rather than facing this. But I know that won't happen. But it is the first time in years I have thought about this.

I really suck at this!
 
Sorry it's so hard Jaxson. Simply having the word cancer associated with your name is painful/frightening, but going through treatment carries its own challenges. How could one not feel depressed by it all? My brother's cancer has returned and when I checked in with him yesterday he was quite content with his decision not to treat aggressively. Of course, he's 93 years old, so when he says he's had a good life I'm inclined to agree with him. My cousin's cancer has metastasized from his bladder to his thigh bone, as he told me yesterday. He's praying they'll let him into a clinical trial that will involve infusion with a different drug that might stop the cancer from spreading. They needed to do a whole new series of biopsies, scans and blood work for researchers to assess.

Yes, this is insult to injury given the lifetime of trauma you've faced. I hope being able to talk about it makes this treatment a bit easier to contend with. As F.A. says, there are no easy answers here. Sometimes KNOWING that we can end the battle is exactly what we need to be able to pick ourselves up and tackle another day. You'll always have support here for this and every journey you take.
 
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