I’ve noticed the more depressed I become. The more intrusive my sexual thoughts become. It seems to me it’s like a stimulating effect it has to dwell on these thoughts and even act on them. With feelings of feeling worse after. Is this common when feeling depressed
It because they are born from the same pain and shame. They are friends that run with each other and demons that feed of fof each other. The feelings of depression drive to emotional need to feel loved and special, how as a child did you learn to feel loved and special. Oh through your abuse. And so the circle of shame continues.
Jethro says it well. Our challenge as survivors is to not cave in on ourselves because this process keeps repeating. This honestly is the best we've been able to do with the confusion and shame inherent in living with trauma. We're all doing what your username says so eloquently... trying to live. Hopefully, being able to share our struggles with other men here, the shame will be diminished enough that we can entertain experimenting with other means for caring for ourselves... what I call self-care. To do that we need at least a little feeling that we are worthy of care. That can be hard to come by when we're in the midst of shame. So we need a bit of compassion for our struggles... this is the best I can do BUT I want more and learning to care for myself might make life easier. This is what all of us are doing here my friend. We're not only willing to listen as you express the truth you are feeling, but we also will support you in taking affirmative actions on your own behalf. We do this together... not alone.
I think the other guys say it well. One thing I might add is it makes sense to me when I am more depressed than usual, Ming helps me release endorphins which make me feel better for a moment, but then the feel bad about doing it. Viscious cycle.