Dentist Visit
DENTIST VISIT VENTING TIME!!!!
Triggers!!!
Dentist office visit today... Major work way in the way back of my mouth. This turned out to be TWO AND A HALF HOURS OF WORK BACK THERE!!! I took Xanax before I went in. They have dropped Nitrous Oxide due to the time and cost of changed cleaning requirements due to Covid and no disposable pieces due to prices of the tubing then landfill trash. (Next time more Xanax!). I took my wife, we joke that she is my "Support Animal" !
I don't have a usually foul mouth, but ... SHIT, CRAP, DAMN, FUCK!!!!!!!! (Sorry, Mom!)
I reminded each member of my team that I have PTSD. They all are understanding and gentle with me. But you all know that isn't always enough! I know all the calming tricks, tools and techniques. But you all know that isn't always enough! My wife KNOWS me and knows what to do to try and help, but if I'm too far gone...
Brief history... There was one adult family member and six adult friends of that family member who sexually abused me off and on my ENTIRE childhood and teenage years.
Laying in that dentist chair today was the 8 year old me. Jeff (family friend) had taken photos of me, and of us. He teased me, abused me, made me do things, anally raped me...
The bright dentist work lights...they were there to record me, to take THOSE pictures!
All the dentist tools and multiple hands in my mouth... What all did Jeff put/shove in my mouth (and other openings)? I saw and felt a lot of them today!!
The assistant sprayed water to clean the work area and my throat literally closed up and I was choking... What was that liquid Jeff forced down my throat to calm me down that made me choke while he made me lay down? What else did that man physically make me choke and gag on!!!!!!
The dentist, assistant and my wife at different times..."Breath, TJ. Relax. Are you doing ok? Do you want to slow down? Do you need a break or a moment? We are almost done.".... I think Jeff said all those things at one point or another.
There were times when they could tell I was having difficulty and they stopped and stepped back till I said ok. My wife told me later that at one point she was pushing me to take break and the staff was asking too. I don't remember saying, no, I'm fine.
My wife and I have already made changes to our safety plan for my next visit. I slept for HOURS after we got home.
TODAY WAS SO VERY PAINFUL, physically and emotionally! Lots of quiet and discreet tears.
Ok, deep breaths. Today's events are over and I AM SAFE AND OK!!!!!
TeeJayUU
Triggers!!!
Dentist office visit today... Major work way in the way back of my mouth. This turned out to be TWO AND A HALF HOURS OF WORK BACK THERE!!! I took Xanax before I went in. They have dropped Nitrous Oxide due to the time and cost of changed cleaning requirements due to Covid and no disposable pieces due to prices of the tubing then landfill trash. (Next time more Xanax!). I took my wife, we joke that she is my "Support Animal" !
I don't have a usually foul mouth, but ... SHIT, CRAP, DAMN, FUCK!!!!!!!! (Sorry, Mom!)
I reminded each member of my team that I have PTSD. They all are understanding and gentle with me. But you all know that isn't always enough! I know all the calming tricks, tools and techniques. But you all know that isn't always enough! My wife KNOWS me and knows what to do to try and help, but if I'm too far gone...
Brief history... There was one adult family member and six adult friends of that family member who sexually abused me off and on my ENTIRE childhood and teenage years.
Laying in that dentist chair today was the 8 year old me. Jeff (family friend) had taken photos of me, and of us. He teased me, abused me, made me do things, anally raped me...
The bright dentist work lights...they were there to record me, to take THOSE pictures!
All the dentist tools and multiple hands in my mouth... What all did Jeff put/shove in my mouth (and other openings)? I saw and felt a lot of them today!!
The assistant sprayed water to clean the work area and my throat literally closed up and I was choking... What was that liquid Jeff forced down my throat to calm me down that made me choke while he made me lay down? What else did that man physically make me choke and gag on!!!!!!
The dentist, assistant and my wife at different times..."Breath, TJ. Relax. Are you doing ok? Do you want to slow down? Do you need a break or a moment? We are almost done.".... I think Jeff said all those things at one point or another.
There were times when they could tell I was having difficulty and they stopped and stepped back till I said ok. My wife told me later that at one point she was pushing me to take break and the staff was asking too. I don't remember saying, no, I'm fine.
My wife and I have already made changes to our safety plan for my next visit. I slept for HOURS after we got home.
TODAY WAS SO VERY PAINFUL, physically and emotionally! Lots of quiet and discreet tears.
Ok, deep breaths. Today's events are over and I AM SAFE AND OK!!!!!
TeeJayUU