denial

[indygal]

maybe it seems obvious and maybe i'm being dense but after reading something a survivor said on the ms forum, now i'm not really sure what denial means as it applies to csa, that is, maybe it means different things to different people? different degrees of denial? like knowing something happened but not wanting to know more, or denying what you know happened affected you?

i think previously i used to think of denial in terms of people who had a substance abuse problem and couldn't admit they were addicted and needed help. denial in these terms tends to mean a lack of acknowledgement of self-destructive behavior.

with regards to csa it's almost the opposite - a sort of protection mechanism to help a person cope with reality, i suppose, is that correct? but the self-destructive behavior seems to also play a role, only afterwards, that is, one engages in this behavior to suppress thoughts about one's trauma.

but why would a survivor tend to deny more than just his abuse? that is, why distort - which is a kind of denial - his feelings about a relationship as so many of us fnf seem to be experiencing?

and what's the connection with anger and denial?

 

[tbar]

indygal,
I can only speak for myself. If you read my post I talk about being in denial about the emotional abuse with my wife. I was totally aware of my sa but minimized the effect it had on me. I Knew I had alcohol problems when I was a teenager so really never had denial with that. When I got sober in AA and did the steps I forgave my abuser and all others that harmed me. I thought that was all I needed. In fact I remember my sponsor saying something about maybe I should see someone (T) about my childhood issues. I discounted it as not really being that relevant. I think it had something to do with the whole masculine, suck it up attitude put on us. Also seeing a T meant you are crazy.

The abuse and neglect from my childhood was water under the bridge as far as I was concerned. I think seeing my self as abusive would of required me to acknowledge the abuse of childhood and I was not going there. When forces are working against your denial, Anger and it's associated behavior kicked in to repel that force. Just my opinion
Tom