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- Thread starterDuckie
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I started giving myself Permission to dissociate. Mine can be just doing things in an automatic way, but in my mind, I might be somewhere else, doing something else.
Music gives me some of my best escape, earbuds in, music loud, phone in my pocket fully charged (I hope), and I use Pandora for the music.
I picture scenic views of old hiking too, plants I've liked and stuff. Once I get to keep this way, I calm down.
It's hard to hear others too, I maybturn the volume up too high...
For the purpose, I can risk a little hearing loss. My mental health must keep going.
Music gives me some of my best escape, earbuds in, music loud, phone in my pocket fully charged (I hope), and I use Pandora for the music.
I picture scenic views of old hiking too, plants I've liked and stuff. Once I get to keep this way, I calm down.
It's hard to hear others too, I maybturn the volume up too high...
For the purpose, I can risk a little hearing loss. My mental health must keep going.
Chris4TheMill
Registrant
Every relationship has different dynamics, and some will never change without some drastic intervention. But in recent years I've worked hard to change the dynamics with certain family members, not allowing as much abusive behavior. It works with most of them, but not my brother - so with him, I choose to minimize contact with him.
I'm currently staying with my aunt. At times she'll do things like you seem to be describing. Complain about every little thing, nag, belittle, get all flustered, yell, etc. Depending on what it's about, I either just let her vent and eventually calm down, or I tell her right then and there, this is unacceptable behavior and I tell her exactly why. I've become a good debater. Women can be really weird and wacky sometimes. They scream and yell but I think some of them just need to be stood up to, but not in an abusive way of course. Just with some firmness that says, you're out of line and this needs to stop right now. It won't work with everyone sadly, but if it doesn't at least some of the time, then you have a really toxic dynamic on your hands. Then, you have a real problem because the other is unwilling to admit their role in the dynamic.
I'm currently staying with my aunt. At times she'll do things like you seem to be describing. Complain about every little thing, nag, belittle, get all flustered, yell, etc. Depending on what it's about, I either just let her vent and eventually calm down, or I tell her right then and there, this is unacceptable behavior and I tell her exactly why. I've become a good debater. Women can be really weird and wacky sometimes. They scream and yell but I think some of them just need to be stood up to, but not in an abusive way of course. Just with some firmness that says, you're out of line and this needs to stop right now. It won't work with everyone sadly, but if it doesn't at least some of the time, then you have a really toxic dynamic on your hands. Then, you have a real problem because the other is unwilling to admit their role in the dynamic.
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Chris is right the dynamics have to change in order to heal relationships. In relationships there are many sides and the key is respect for each other. No physical or verbal antagonism can be allowed if all are to heal. Those who inflict will see no wrong and as Chris says an intervention is needed. They look back and say our family lived with verbal teasing and bullying (not their words), allowing people to be pushed away and look at how wonderful we are and not damaged--no you are damaged. If the intervention or professional help is rebuked your only choice is to keep distance. I know and accept because it has brought me to a safe and happy place.
Please remember we all struggle to figure how we fit in. I never like to say the best for you Iaccus is to create distance to keep yourself safe. I wish I had the answer but you are reaching out. We are here for you. Please take care of yourself, focus on you.
Kevin
Please remember we all struggle to figure how we fit in. I never like to say the best for you Iaccus is to create distance to keep yourself safe. I wish I had the answer but you are reaching out. We are here for you. Please take care of yourself, focus on you.
Kevin
