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- Thread starterDuckie
- Start date
Very understandable iaccus. The history you refer, and how they behaved when you described leaving that last profession related the reason I understand what you're trying to say about authority, paranoia and deep concern about being scrutinized. To me, this post is a clear and concise opening for you. One I encourage you to build. Just repeat it in different ways, use the same words in different order and get familiar with what this all means. A post that is clear and important to who you are and the potential you're capable.
There are a lot of listeners here, safe, supportive listeners. The best place I've ever found to practice thinking things through.
There are a lot of listeners here, safe, supportive listeners. The best place I've ever found to practice thinking things through.
Doesn't sound like paranoia Iaccus. Sounds like life experience with reality. You recognized both issues: The need to disclose to heal and the effect disclosure may have on your freedoms. That is a huge gain and a sign it is NOT paranoia to me.
As Ceremony said you HAVE made an opening by posting here. Wish I had a clear safe path but I don't.
As Ceremony said you HAVE made an opening by posting here. Wish I had a clear safe path but I don't.
I can relate to this when I stoped going to my old therapist I found my self not being able and not wanting or trusting my new therapist for fear that the same thing would happen. I in the end talk to him about this and realized that it's all up to me and how I fe and he has no expectations of what I shou or shouldn't share. I was able to share and get his help ones I heard him verbally gain my trust without any strings attached. But it was a process and took some time. Good luck be gentle with you. Because you count.
Iaccus
I understand your reluctance to disclose the emotions. The abuse disclosure is difficult but uncovering and opening how you feel is far more difficult. The emotions have been suppressed and buried--and more importantly not processed. The emotions, at least for me, led me down the path of dissociation, PTSD, syncope and so on. Once they began to rise I retreated to dark and unknown places or may be calming and safe places--will never know. I have to control my emotions now as I try to learn new coping mechanisms or I retreat to the dissociative world.
I am processing the emotions of the abuse and for me, they are compounded by the emotions that came with the torment and abuse as I was unraveling. I struggle and I can tell you once you face the emotions, your healing journey may present more challenges and sense of guilt and shame but over time those latter feelings will wane and you will accept the abuse was not your fault. I know it sounds simple and easy but I have and continue to struggle and look for the day I am at peace with myself.
Take care of yourself and you will know when it is right for you to open up about the emotions. I wish you well.
Kevin
I understand your reluctance to disclose the emotions. The abuse disclosure is difficult but uncovering and opening how you feel is far more difficult. The emotions have been suppressed and buried--and more importantly not processed. The emotions, at least for me, led me down the path of dissociation, PTSD, syncope and so on. Once they began to rise I retreated to dark and unknown places or may be calming and safe places--will never know. I have to control my emotions now as I try to learn new coping mechanisms or I retreat to the dissociative world.
I am processing the emotions of the abuse and for me, they are compounded by the emotions that came with the torment and abuse as I was unraveling. I struggle and I can tell you once you face the emotions, your healing journey may present more challenges and sense of guilt and shame but over time those latter feelings will wane and you will accept the abuse was not your fault. I know it sounds simple and easy but I have and continue to struggle and look for the day I am at peace with myself.
Take care of yourself and you will know when it is right for you to open up about the emotions. I wish you well.
Kevin
I can not relate to sharing this part of my past with anyone including a therapist. I have been to a therapist for depression but never shared thus part and don't know if if I ever could. I have not been to see mine in several years but I feel I am going back in to depression. I admire those of you who have had the courage to open up but I don't think I ever will. I keep trying to tell myself to just move on. Like it was no big deal.
unhappycamper
Registrant
Bryce:
I found tremendous relief in telling (selected) persons, and a therapist, about the bad thing that happened. Putting it into words seemed to cut it down to size, make it a real--and limited--event rather than a nightmare living inside me.
Of course, the impact of CSA varies widely among victims, so each of us has to figure out the best coping techniques. I felt I had to tell, you feel you can't--yet, anyway. But don't think you'll never be able to open up about it!
Peace.
John C.
I found tremendous relief in telling (selected) persons, and a therapist, about the bad thing that happened. Putting it into words seemed to cut it down to size, make it a real--and limited--event rather than a nightmare living inside me.
Of course, the impact of CSA varies widely among victims, so each of us has to figure out the best coping techniques. I felt I had to tell, you feel you can't--yet, anyway. But don't think you'll never be able to open up about it!
Peace.
John C.
John,
Thanks for the comments this to me is just so confusing, conflicted emotions I hate myself for things that I do not feel I can ever share to a therapist and least of all a friend. Sadly I feel I did not have a bad childhood when I read others post. I feel shame yes but I feel blessed I was not hurt in like others here were. I feel more sadness in what I have read from others than I do for myself.
Thanks for the comments this to me is just so confusing, conflicted emotions I hate myself for things that I do not feel I can ever share to a therapist and least of all a friend. Sadly I feel I did not have a bad childhood when I read others post. I feel shame yes but I feel blessed I was not hurt in like others here were. I feel more sadness in what I have read from others than I do for myself.
