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- Thread starterDuckie
- Start date
Wow, that seems so familiar right now. I see the same few things over and over. Sometime I have repeated the same dream twice in one night. The dark figure in the doorway is burned into my mind. And now I know it was my father. Not violent attacks like my brother, but humiliating and paralyzing. I closed my eyes tight and waited for it to be over. I can still smell his oily, gasoline smelling work clothes and the beer.
Im so sorry that you are going through this, but its good that you can at least get it out in writing. Take care my friend.
Zoo
Im so sorry that you are going through this, but its good that you can at least get it out in writing. Take care my friend.
Zoo
luckily my uncle never did things to me in the middle of the night that I can remember - but I do have dreams of my mother coming into the room and beating me to within an inch of my life - so I can relate a bit I think
would you believe that a dream from when I was 6 years old is still etched into my mind to this very day (and it has to do with lost salt and pepper shakers - how crazy is that?!?) - yes, dreams can be powerful
it is good that you are writing them down - but now you need to change the story to take some of the power away from it - how about the next time instead of reaching for the 60 - reach down into the ammo box and start lobbing grenades at them...
it does take time to change the dreams - I've played out a few in my mind perhaps thousands of times over the years and have been able to change the outcome of a few in recent years - it does take time
would you believe that a dream from when I was 6 years old is still etched into my mind to this very day (and it has to do with lost salt and pepper shakers - how crazy is that?!?) - yes, dreams can be powerful
it is good that you are writing them down - but now you need to change the story to take some of the power away from it - how about the next time instead of reaching for the 60 - reach down into the ammo box and start lobbing grenades at them...
it does take time to change the dreams - I've played out a few in my mind perhaps thousands of times over the years and have been able to change the outcome of a few in recent years - it does take time
OK, I have thoughts.
For background: I struggle with nightmares, am afraid of my own bed, usually sleep on the couch with the TV on, and I smoke weed at night to dull dream activity.
My abuse was between 4 and 7 years old, and like you I froze during it (as best I can remember). Freezing is a 3rd response to trauma along with fight and flight, but freeze isn't usually mentioned.
A few years ago, researchers discovered the chemicals produced by the brain that induces paralysis in the body when a person goes into REM sleep, so that a person doesn't act out his dreams. Here's a link:
https://www.livescience.com/21653-brain-chemicals-sleep-paralysis.html
Now -- my theory is that the nightmares come from the brain paralyzing the body to prepare the body for dreaming, and another part of the brain that associates paralysis with trauma concocts dream narratives that are repeat trauma loops, because the brain associates paralysis with trauma.
If I'm reading your dream correctly, iaccus, the terror comes from "can't move," "no escape," surrounded by killers, unable to fight back... right? It's the same thing that happens to me.
I don't have a solution for you other than to smoke weed and sleep on the couch with the TV on so you don't hit REM sleep, but that's not much help. Just know that I think there's a biological reason that it's happening, although I don't have any answers about how to make it stop.
Cant
For background: I struggle with nightmares, am afraid of my own bed, usually sleep on the couch with the TV on, and I smoke weed at night to dull dream activity.
My abuse was between 4 and 7 years old, and like you I froze during it (as best I can remember). Freezing is a 3rd response to trauma along with fight and flight, but freeze isn't usually mentioned.
A few years ago, researchers discovered the chemicals produced by the brain that induces paralysis in the body when a person goes into REM sleep, so that a person doesn't act out his dreams. Here's a link:
https://www.livescience.com/21653-brain-chemicals-sleep-paralysis.html
Now -- my theory is that the nightmares come from the brain paralyzing the body to prepare the body for dreaming, and another part of the brain that associates paralysis with trauma concocts dream narratives that are repeat trauma loops, because the brain associates paralysis with trauma.
If I'm reading your dream correctly, iaccus, the terror comes from "can't move," "no escape," surrounded by killers, unable to fight back... right? It's the same thing that happens to me.
I don't have a solution for you other than to smoke weed and sleep on the couch with the TV on so you don't hit REM sleep, but that's not much help. Just know that I think there's a biological reason that it's happening, although I don't have any answers about how to make it stop.
Cant
Hi, Guys,
I wonder about these kinds of things, too, not so much the dream version, but the idea of being trapped in the abuse cycle.
I've been reading and writing about Nonviolent Communication, and the idea there is that we really have to express our needs in order to be able to get past anger.
But the book also has wonderful examples of people using the concept of understanding the need of another person to reverse or diminish violence and assault.
I'll preface the rest of what I'm going to say with a trigger warning, because I think it might be shocking to some of us.
The examples are both of women who were on the verge of being assaulted looking to the eyes of the attackers to see what need was driving them to become rapists or assaulters. When the potential victims addressed the attacker in the terms of their needs, both the attacks never happened.
I wonder if we could use a similar technique to get ourselves out of the abuse loop. If we could find the words that should have been said to reach into the heart of the abuser and stop the attack, I wonder what would happen if we spoke them now.
When I imagine this in terms of my dad, the effect is pretty profound. I see his incredible weakness, driven by some weird twist in his psyche to do these harmful things to his children, and much of the power he used to have in my mind diminishes greatly.
I'll write this up as a separate post to see what people think.
It might be useful in defeating the nightmares. If little Iaccus knows he can control the abuser by words, he might sleep better.
Best wishes,
Danny
I wonder about these kinds of things, too, not so much the dream version, but the idea of being trapped in the abuse cycle.
I've been reading and writing about Nonviolent Communication, and the idea there is that we really have to express our needs in order to be able to get past anger.
But the book also has wonderful examples of people using the concept of understanding the need of another person to reverse or diminish violence and assault.
I'll preface the rest of what I'm going to say with a trigger warning, because I think it might be shocking to some of us.
The examples are both of women who were on the verge of being assaulted looking to the eyes of the attackers to see what need was driving them to become rapists or assaulters. When the potential victims addressed the attacker in the terms of their needs, both the attacks never happened.
I wonder if we could use a similar technique to get ourselves out of the abuse loop. If we could find the words that should have been said to reach into the heart of the abuser and stop the attack, I wonder what would happen if we spoke them now.
When I imagine this in terms of my dad, the effect is pretty profound. I see his incredible weakness, driven by some weird twist in his psyche to do these harmful things to his children, and much of the power he used to have in my mind diminishes greatly.
I'll write this up as a separate post to see what people think.
It might be useful in defeating the nightmares. If little Iaccus knows he can control the abuser by words, he might sleep better.
Best wishes,
Danny
The one thing I know for sure is that you are not alone.
Cant
Cant
Hi iaccus,
If the recommended prescription is Diazepam I hope you will follow through with it, and will have similar results that I've had. I'm sure medications have different results for different people, but it was a Godsend for me. Nightmares were never as severe as yours, however.
It's not a lot of comfort, but I certainly agree with Cant. You are definitely not alone.
If the recommended prescription is Diazepam I hope you will follow through with it, and will have similar results that I've had. I'm sure medications have different results for different people, but it was a Godsend for me. Nightmares were never as severe as yours, however.
It's not a lot of comfort, but I certainly agree with Cant. You are definitely not alone.
