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- Thread starterTryingtolive
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Hi tryingtolive
Welcome and thanks for your first post. It's a very brave and courageous thing to actually tell for the first time about abuse. Sexual abuse is always bad, but it seems to be doubly bad when the abuser is a family member.
The things you describe and the emotional baggage that goes along with it are unique while at the same time very familiar to most guys here. I hope the understanding and support (and other resources) here will help you deal with part of this, as you begin the long journey of healing.
Peace, and best of luck.
CJ
Welcome and thanks for your first post. It's a very brave and courageous thing to actually tell for the first time about abuse. Sexual abuse is always bad, but it seems to be doubly bad when the abuser is a family member.
The things you describe and the emotional baggage that goes along with it are unique while at the same time very familiar to most guys here. I hope the understanding and support (and other resources) here will help you deal with part of this, as you begin the long journey of healing.
Peace, and best of luck.
CJ
Trying to live.
You have all the symptoms we all have been thru. I glad your here. Pm any of us and we will help where we can. There is lots of help here for the asking. Heal well brother.
Woodenshoes
You have all the symptoms we all have been thru. I glad your here. Pm any of us and we will help where we can. There is lots of help here for the asking. Heal well brother.
Woodenshoes
Congratulations! you're in the first steps of your journey towards freedom. You have all the support you need here and anywhere you find people who are facing the same tragedies head on. There is no right way, other than to be honest with yourself and persist.
It doesn't get better right away, but it does get better along the way and you will not regret it. You could very well regret keeping it a secret the rest of your life though. I would recommend looking for a qualified therapist to help you get this stuff out and maybe they can recommend your first book.
All the best.
It doesn't get better right away, but it does get better along the way and you will not regret it. You could very well regret keeping it a secret the rest of your life though. I would recommend looking for a qualified therapist to help you get this stuff out and maybe they can recommend your first book.
All the best.
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Trying to live,
My situation was exactly like yours. My brother abused me when I was 11-15. Congratulations on getting up the courage to speak for the first time, and you could not have picked a better place to do it. Here you are welcome, cared for and listened to. Do what feels right, post more of your story, just read the great advice of the others, or PM any one of the great guys here who you seem to resonate with. Whatever you need at the beginning of your journey, we are here to help!
Freeman
My situation was exactly like yours. My brother abused me when I was 11-15. Congratulations on getting up the courage to speak for the first time, and you could not have picked a better place to do it. Here you are welcome, cared for and listened to. Do what feels right, post more of your story, just read the great advice of the others, or PM any one of the great guys here who you seem to resonate with. Whatever you need at the beginning of your journey, we are here to help!
Freeman
Tryingtolive
I am sorry your brother did those terrible things to you. I no those body memories and flashbacks, they hit or out of nowhere. I am kind of new to the healing, on and off over the years but full force the past six months. I found a great counselor and doctor who have helped me. I also found great support groups that make me feel like I can talk and people listen. I have also been tackling family issues that made me believe my Dad was terrible and I did not speak to him for decades. Now I learn the problems with Dad were not my problem but my Mama's and her family--kind of brainwashed us into believing she was good even though she left us for extended periods to keep her family happy. I have learned not only did I have negative feelings for myself from my sexual abuse but also Mama's leaving left me with all these negative unresolved issues of feeling abandoned.
I hope you have found a doctor or counselor that can help you with the abuse by your brother and your relationship with your dad/family. It may not be what you think. The negative emotions of abuse can make us think less of ourselves and allow us to make us think we are not worthy. For me Mama and her family were able to make me believe Dad was so wrong and they wre so right--WRONG. Talk it out you do not want to be estranged from your Dad or family. I can tell you it can change so quickly, Dad died and only after he died did I realize how wrong I had been to believe he was bad. Others had control over me from the abuse and family members.
I am glad you wrote your thoughts here. It is helpful to let it out. Please keep trying you are not alone. I have learned that firsthand here.
Thank you for telling us about you.
Paul
I am sorry your brother did those terrible things to you. I no those body memories and flashbacks, they hit or out of nowhere. I am kind of new to the healing, on and off over the years but full force the past six months. I found a great counselor and doctor who have helped me. I also found great support groups that make me feel like I can talk and people listen. I have also been tackling family issues that made me believe my Dad was terrible and I did not speak to him for decades. Now I learn the problems with Dad were not my problem but my Mama's and her family--kind of brainwashed us into believing she was good even though she left us for extended periods to keep her family happy. I have learned not only did I have negative feelings for myself from my sexual abuse but also Mama's leaving left me with all these negative unresolved issues of feeling abandoned.
I hope you have found a doctor or counselor that can help you with the abuse by your brother and your relationship with your dad/family. It may not be what you think. The negative emotions of abuse can make us think less of ourselves and allow us to make us think we are not worthy. For me Mama and her family were able to make me believe Dad was so wrong and they wre so right--WRONG. Talk it out you do not want to be estranged from your Dad or family. I can tell you it can change so quickly, Dad died and only after he died did I realize how wrong I had been to believe he was bad. Others had control over me from the abuse and family members.
I am glad you wrote your thoughts here. It is helpful to let it out. Please keep trying you are not alone. I have learned that firsthand here.
Thank you for telling us about you.
Paul
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Try
I am so sorry for your abuse! I think it is a common occurrence for the dam to break and you get flooded with all of these questions and emotions. I feel that everything you are feeling is normal for someone who has been abused. We are groomed to blame ourselves for it and to carry the shame or even be in a form of denial to protect ourselves.
You have been so brave in sharing this with us. For me that has been a God send. The more I talk about it with the guys her on MS the more I truly understand that I am not alone and all of the feelings are shared by us all.
I encourage you to continue to reach out to us as you are ready. There is no timeline. You share what you are able to when you are able to. This great group of guys will be here for you.
I pray that you find peace and I want you to know that you are more than welcome to reach out to me.
You are not alone!
Mike
I am so sorry for your abuse! I think it is a common occurrence for the dam to break and you get flooded with all of these questions and emotions. I feel that everything you are feeling is normal for someone who has been abused. We are groomed to blame ourselves for it and to carry the shame or even be in a form of denial to protect ourselves.
You have been so brave in sharing this with us. For me that has been a God send. The more I talk about it with the guys her on MS the more I truly understand that I am not alone and all of the feelings are shared by us all.
I encourage you to continue to reach out to us as you are ready. There is no timeline. You share what you are able to when you are able to. This great group of guys will be here for you.
I pray that you find peace and I want you to know that you are more than welcome to reach out to me.
You are not alone!
Mike
Welcome Tryingtolive,
Sorry for your pain but glad you found us. My story is almost exactly like yours. My older brother started off the abuse and then brought his friends in on it (from 8 - 11 years old). I can identify with all the feelings you are having. You are definitely not alone in any of this!
You should absolutely get with a therapist (T) and one that specializes in CSA, if possible. Just remember, no matter what happened to you, it's not your fault. The guilt and shame belong to the abuser.
Please stick around. I can vouch for the healing that takes place here.
Wishing you peace and wisdom as you begin your journey,
Dave
Sorry for your pain but glad you found us. My story is almost exactly like yours. My older brother started off the abuse and then brought his friends in on it (from 8 - 11 years old). I can identify with all the feelings you are having. You are definitely not alone in any of this!
You should absolutely get with a therapist (T) and one that specializes in CSA, if possible. Just remember, no matter what happened to you, it's not your fault. The guilt and shame belong to the abuser.
Please stick around. I can vouch for the healing that takes place here.
Wishing you peace and wisdom as you begin your journey,
Dave
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i am so sorry about what happened to you.
i'm sorry to hear what you're still going through.
please, allow me to welcome you to ms.org, Tryingtolive.
i hope the words you read and the emotions you feel from this forum will help you heal your pain and depression.
YOU are a wonderful and real person buried beneath all that BS (bad stuff).
keep digging and you will find the treasure of your true self.
as you recover, you will discover the pleasure of being alive.
when you finally recognize your old inner soul,
say 'hello, old friend, i missed you'.
then give yourself a big loving hug.
i'm sorry to hear what you're still going through.
please, allow me to welcome you to ms.org, Tryingtolive.
i hope the words you read and the emotions you feel from this forum will help you heal your pain and depression.
YOU are a wonderful and real person buried beneath all that BS (bad stuff).
keep digging and you will find the treasure of your true self.
as you recover, you will discover the pleasure of being alive.
when you finally recognize your old inner soul,
say 'hello, old friend, i missed you'.
then give yourself a big loving hug.
Hi Tryingtolive.
You are by no means alone in what you went through. Many of us had very similar situations and have shown symptoms very similar to your own. I was raped by a male teen babysitter when I was eight or nine, and was further sexually and physically abused by my alcoholic and drug addicted mother. So much of what you said resonated with me and I have a really good idea of how you feel.
If you have not yet done it, I would urge you to find a therapist who specializes in adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Talking about it really does help. It has moved me forward in my life.
Please know that you are cared about here on MS and we are here to help. Post as often as you want to, come here often, and if possible talk to a good therapist. You can feel better.
Sending you hope and healing, Mike
You are by no means alone in what you went through. Many of us had very similar situations and have shown symptoms very similar to your own. I was raped by a male teen babysitter when I was eight or nine, and was further sexually and physically abused by my alcoholic and drug addicted mother. So much of what you said resonated with me and I have a really good idea of how you feel.
If you have not yet done it, I would urge you to find a therapist who specializes in adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Talking about it really does help. It has moved me forward in my life.
Please know that you are cared about here on MS and we are here to help. Post as often as you want to, come here often, and if possible talk to a good therapist. You can feel better.
Sending you hope and healing, Mike
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Tryingtolive,
You a very brave man for telling your story so openly, clearly, and honestly. There are times in my healing where I have felt everything that you describe feeling. It is so nice to know that we are not alone and that there are guys here who have walked this path before us and are willing to help us do the same. All that is required of us is to have the willingness and to reach out to others when we are hurting and need help.
Be well,
John
You a very brave man for telling your story so openly, clearly, and honestly. There are times in my healing where I have felt everything that you describe feeling. It is so nice to know that we are not alone and that there are guys here who have walked this path before us and are willing to help us do the same. All that is required of us is to have the willingness and to reach out to others when we are hurting and need help.
Be well,
John
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